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« What More Could We Have Done? | Main | Layers and Layers of Menace »

April 16, 2013

Return of the Goddess (and I Don't Mean Katie Couric)

Because that's what Robin Mattson is.

All right, let's do this thing as we go, shall we?

Spinelli goes to see Heather in the crazy lady hospital.

An always welcome heather webber visit

Welcome back, Heather.

Felix gives Sabrina a hard time for ruining his makeover by pulling her hair back for work. You know, her job at the hospital. As a nurse. I'm going with, "Yes. Pull your hair back." He has actually referred to having turned her into Cinderella. I'm glad they spelled it out because thus far it sure had been subtle.

Britt tells Patrick she's aborting her baby which, based on that bump, is about two months from birth. So yeah, that makes sense? 

Nik is talking on the phone to Spencer. I wonder if a SORAS'ed Spencer will return soon in the form of Michael Easton. Oh, and Katie Couric is Nik's doctor today.

Lulu still hasn't seen "any of you people" in her life.

Lulucicle has soap amnesia

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? (Confession: I totally love soap amnesia!)

Konnie is at Sonny's door. She's been released from treatment. Oh I like her little outfit!

Integration improves upon BOTH kate and connie's fashion sense

He asks if she's Kate or Connie, which.... isn't how integration works, but okay. It's Soap D.I.D., so we just get to do what we're told.

Ads. Something about some stupid reality diving show. I'm never going to understand this.

Tracy is trying to get Shawn to carry PickleLila at Kelly's. So Shawn is Sonny's enforcer and still the manager of Kelly's? He's not interested, so she thinks Wyndham's will jump at the chance. Wyndham's!

Konnie wants to know if Sonny was hoping she was Kate or Connie.

Lulu continues to ask people who they are. She insists that Stavros Cassadine is her hubby.

Felix does a rather hilarious routine mocking how Britt will try to trap Patrick with her pregnancy (Marc Anthony Samuel is awesome and I really hope Felix gets more story soon beyond "I Celebrate Sabrina!" because he needs it).

Felix does a comedy routine

Anyway, Sabrina totally agrees that Britt got pregnant on purpose to tie Patrick to her (no mention of how Patrick voluntary rode bareback with Britt in the shower at work DESPITE HIS BEING THE WIDOWER OF AN HIV-POSITIVE WOMAN but whatevs, apparently Britt did it all on her own or maybe Sabrina hasn't had Sex Ed yet in her health classes) (and yes, we know Britt is a baddie and quite possibly did some sort of OB-GYN voodoo to make this happen, but I'm talking in the context of what the characters know).

Patrick is not big on the abortion plan, and questions Britt's sincerity about it since she made such a big show of announcing the pregnancy.

AJ and Tracy bicker and remind the audience that Franco's daughter is still out there somewhere and that Spinelli is on the case.

Dr. Kelly Curtis (aka Katie Couric) kind of flirts with Nikolas and seems way impressed that her patient is a prince.

Lulu's loved ones try to talk some sense into her, but she doesn't remember anything. 

All Sonny ever wanted was for Konnie to be healthy and happy. But she's not happy.

Connie explains integration to sonny with hand gestures

And she tells Sonny she is neither Kate nor Connie. 

Felix wants to know what Sabrina is waiting for and suggests that she and Patrick should hit the sheets right away. (See above, Felix. What would she do? She squealed and jumped up and down with you guys over a kiss.)

Britt explains to Patrick that she doesn't want to be a mother if it doesn't include the full nuclear family. She seems like an Ozzie and Harriet kind of dreamer, doesn't she?

Heather is grumpy about Sam not having delivered that letter to Steven Lars, and therefore is not interested in helping Sam's business partner with anything. Heather calls Spinelli out on a few more of his "betrayals" of her and then asks after Luke. She feels a little sheepish about having tried to kill "that limey broad" since Luke and Anna actually didn't last very long at all. Apparently it was a real "time thief." I LOVE YOU HEATHER WEBBER. Spinelli lies that Luke is busy with Tracy Quartermaine. Heather doesn't buy it, but Spinelli assures her a romantic reunion is imminent and the only way Heather can stop it is by filling Spinelli in about Franco's kid.

Dr. Curtis asks Nik a bunch more really personal questions about his family scandals and Epiphany pops in to read her the riot act.

Dante's trying to convince Lulu to remember their love and Laura wisely comes in and suggests they ease off a bit because Lulu is obviously frightened. Dante is pissy about this idea and is already concerned that Lulu may never remember any of them.

Konnie explains that she's actually both Kate and Connie because that is how integration works. Yay! And so she's chosen to go by her given name (Connie). Hurrah, hurrah! She explains that she has to live with the good and bad and all of the memories of both Kate and Connie, but she also has to live without Sonny. 

Britt knows what it's like to grow up with a father (well, Britt, evil as your mother is? Still probably better off without Pappy Faison) and doesn't want to put her child through that.

Britt showing some humanity even though it's probably fake but kelly thibeaud is so good

Or at least that's what she tells Patrick.

Connie is afraid that being with Sonny is too risky and puts her in danger of a relapse.

Luke insists that no Cassadine ever got the better of a Spencer which is a way overly-positive spin on some of the shit that's gone down over the years. Lulu expresses dismay at her given name. Laura tells her the background of her name and is just being an awesome maternal machine right now.

Heather claims to be unaware that Franco had a daughter. She is also concerned that her human rights are being violated. Spinelli appeals to Heather's pride in her depth of knowledge about Franco.

AJ and Tracy continue to bicker, and he refers to her as his "great aunt." Huh? Was that a script slip-up or an actor slip-up? She's just his plain old aunt! (Well, nothing "plain" about Tracy Quartermaine, but you know what I mean!) He asks her to step aside gracefully, and she tells him that he wins and that ELQ is his. She wants to start her own company. TAQ! And then it'll be so awesome that eventually AJ will be lucky to get a job dressed as a hot dog. (Please do not remind me of ABC soap characters with jobs dressed as hot dogs! Please!)

Heather starts to be swayed over to Spinelli's argument that it's in her best interest to help him.

Britt tells Patrick she's getting the abortion, it's a done deal. "Congratulations! You're free!"

Connie tells Sonny she can't ever be with him again. She asks him to understand, but he doesn't want to. He starts going into yell-y mode and apologizes. Anyway I already really like Integrated Connie so much more than Kate or Alter Connie.

Anyway, "Dr. Curtis" is really just a reporter trying to get information.

Katie couric's cameo

Epiphany kicks her out so that she can give Nikolas a sponge bath, the idea of which naturally makes her chuckle.

Luke tells Lulu that Stavros is dead (though nobody's bothered to check, naturally!). She's terrified and they ask her to let them take her home. 

Patrick tells Sabrina about Britt's abortion announcement.

Felix needles Britt and Britt points out that the doctors and nurses should really have different changing rooms. That's the primary problem with the GH changing rooms??!! That they aren't separated by caste?

AJ tells Tracy he'll get an injunction against her use of the name PickleLila, and she acknowledges that ELQ owns the rights to the name -- but she owns the rights to the recipe and everything else, so she'll just call it something new.

Heather tells Spinelli she needs him to do something for her. She needs him to take a letter to Steven Lars -- which makes Spinelli look hilariously miserable until Heather starts laughing that she was just messing with him.

I need you to bring a letter to steven lars


OH MY GOD HEATHER WEBBER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOREVER. She tells him if he comes closer she'll tell him all about Lauren Frank.

Lulu doesn't want to go with Laura and Luke and Dante because she doesn't know them and thinks Stavros is her husband. Luke tells her the rest of the Cassadines will actually want her out of the way so she should come with them. "When you put it that way," she says, and goes with them. Seriously? That was easy!

Connie apologizes to Sonny and tries to say goodbye. He tries to kiss her, but she stops him and just gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves. SONNY SAD FACE.

Sonny has a sad

And there we are. Huh. Pretty good episode! I figured with soap amnesia and the presence of Sabrina I'd churn out a regular SnarkFest but I will not complain about a solid episode and am never disappointed when I in fact do not fly into irrational rages about a soap opera. It's that kind of week.

Stay safe, everyone, and enjoy our favorite form of escapism!


Brad Anderson and Robin Mattson work so well together. I want lots more Heather/Spinelli scenes. Just sort of sprinkled in periodically over the course of a year.

I absolutely hate when two characters voluntarily have unprotected sex and the fault somehow always lands on the woman when she gets knocked up. (see Stacy Morasco and Rex on OLTL.

I have not forgotten that Franco had a man rape Michael while he was in prison and knew that the young man was his half-nephew. It's disturbing and sick at the same time. Let's just rewind the tape that Franco is NOT a Quartermaine and move on.

Here's hoping that Connie leaves town for good. Or, go to prison for kidnapping Johnny, paralyzing Ellie and killing Trey.

Kristen Alderson is so going to be Lauren Frank. Puts her right in the middle of the ELQ mess with Michael.

I do wonder, though. Maybe Alderson will be a fake-out as Lauren Frank at first, but then turn out not to be or something? Because if she's Michael's first cousin that means they can't ever pair Duell/Alderson together ever again, even years down the road. I feel like they'll want to leave that open (and not by incest!) even though they won't do it at first.

So it's super shocking that one of Sonny's chicks is hurt or has a serious problem and his primary concern is how it effects HIM, right? When he asked her "Are you Kate or Connie" with that sicko-perv grin on his face, it was like he was asking "Which persona do I now get to sex up"?

I swear, there's got to be about a 50/50 chance that the "Sonny is a dashing, charming romantic lead" trope is by now COMPLETE satire. Come on, it HAS to be...

Please, no more Franco Q. No more Franco anything.

Shawn had his first entertaining line in his entire time on the show today, when he tried to run away from Tracy but she kept rambling. (Deadpan) "There's more?" Hehe.

With one of the above posts...agreed. It's infuriating that Patrick isn't getting more heat for banging without an effing condom. My God. Everyone was allowed to brow beat the guy into falling for Sabrina, but no one but Britt can bring up that he had unprotected sex? PATRICK, of all people. Seriously, the average reasonable person has no legitimate excuse in that situation. But the doctor who had an HIV-Positive wife and went through several traumatic experiences involving that condition? Wow.

Well, Connie/Kate's diagnosis *does* refer back to the "Three Faces of Eve" case/book/movie, where the integration of "Eve"'s two personalities did lead to the emergence of a third new personality, thought to be the "true" personality. It's based on really outdated research, the case itself in the public mind has been "overturned" by "Sybil" for decades, and it's not consistent with the rules of DID established by the Viki's DID storyline over in "One Life to Live", but...hey, at least they didn't pull it out of nowhere!

Plus I did get a cackle that now there's an entire storyline based around the fact that dating Sonny could literally drive a woman insane.

"I wonder if a SORAS'ed Spencer will return soon in the form of Michael Easton."


And Felix going on about sore breasts was hilarious!

I really enjoyed the Laura and Lulu scenes, Laura was just being such a supportive and understanding Mama. IMO she seemed to be accepting of Lulu not knowing who she, Luke and Dante are and really gentle with her, rather then demanding that she remeber!right!now.
I hadn't realised how tiny Emme Rylan was until she got off that table and Genie, Tony & Dominic all towered over her!

Well, Tammy and Jonathan on GL were half-cousins like Michael and Lauren Frank, and they were involved, although it was kind of gross now that I think about it. Perhaps the new SORAS'ed Morgan can get involved with Lauren Frank? They're not related.

Yes, Sonny does drive women insane doesn't he? Both Brenda, Carly and now Connie have been driven insane by him. Quite a trifecta.

Although I dislike Britt, I agree that it's kind of lousy that she's getting all the blame for having 'trapped' Patrick when he's equally irresponsible for not calling a time-out in the shower to protect himself. Incredibly irresponsible GH, but then again what can we expect from a show that had Maxie have sex with Spinelli 5 minutes after having a miscarriage.

Anyone think that the stuff about the rights to the Pickle Lila name was an offhand reference to the GH/PP battle over RH, ME, & KA?

HA! Louise, you and Mallory never disappoint me. I came over here SPECIFICALLY to see if you had picked up on the "Great Aunt" reference, and sure enough! I honestly missed a few lines of the scene after AJ said it because I was watching around 12:30 a.m. on two glasses of wine, which caused me to stare at the ceiling giving myself a headache, thinking, "that's not his great aunt, IS it? Wait...Alan is his dad, Tracy is Alan's sister...HELL NO!"

I've also been really busy, so I'm still perusing all the old 50th anniversary episodes. I had just finished watching Luke and Laura's honeymoon at the farmhouse (which, all these years later, suddenly seemed lecherous and creepy in a way it absolutely did NOT back when I was 12). Anyway, to see young, newlywed Laura and then watch yesterday's episode and all of her kick-ass awesomeness as Lulu's mom was really fantastic. I highly recommend watching young Laura immediately followed by current episodes. Phenomenal how the character has progressed as well as the actress.

I do NOT, however, recommend trying this with 80's episodes followed by any returns of Laura during Guza's reign. That will just make you depressed and sad.

Someone please help me! I'm going crazy trying to figure out why Brit still works at GH. I swear they were having her fired.

Epiphany had said that she was going to report Britt for making it look as though Sabrina cheated on her final exam. But that appears to have been dropped. At any rate, we never saw it get past an argument between Epiphany and Britt.

Louise, I've wondered with the Britt storyline if her baby is actually an implant from Lulu and Dante's eggs and sperm, and that's how they end up with a child? Eventually Britt will have the baby and nearly die and that's when they find out it's their child inside her. And since Patrick possibly didn't impregnate her, could it be that her big plan was to make herself pregnant in the best possible way? It would also be why she's staying quiet about Maxie's pregnancy. Just a guess...

Okay, so I've been a hugely spotty viewer these last six months. Now, I'm supremely confused as to why Britt seems way farther along than Maxie, when (upon doing a little internet research) they should have conceived around the same time! I had to also look up NY state abortion laws, because I was at least partially convinced that Patrick's reaction was over her being too far along. I mean, she looks about 5 months (which apparently is still legal in NY), but she's only supposed to be 3.5.

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