Crossing All Of My Fingers For Shenanigans
I think it's fair to say that I'm not exactly super fond of Sabrina, to the point where I had a shrill moment of internal panic today when someone called me "Sabrina" (I've grown sadly accustomed to answering to other names--maybe I don't enunciate clearly enough, but more often than not, people assume that my name is Valerie, or Molly, and sometimes it's easier just to go with that, especially if the odds of my ever seeing the person again are slim, but that was just weird. "Am I annoying? Do I look all giggly and swoony and ridiculous? I mean, I WAS just reading an article about Star Trek that had a big picture of Chris PIne in it. And I WAS writing with a pink pen. Maybe I AM Sabrina-ish!") but if General Hospital plays its cards right (I know, cart, horse, etc.), she could be a part of what could go down as 2013's most hilarious story: THE ROOMMATE FROM HELL. There's some Must-Watch potential here if the writing goes the way I hope it does, and that is the hijinks-filled and wacky way.
Patrick: There's been a change of plans. You're not going to come home with me anymore.
Britt: Excuse me?
Sabrina: You'll be coming home with me instead.
Yes, Patrick FINALLY verbalized what we've all been shrieking for quit some time: that he's a dumbass and should have never offered to let Britt live with him and his traumatized daughter. He even compared her to Fantine, and that made me laugh. Sabrina decided that the best (and by "best" I mean "most hilarious for the viewers at home") course of action would be to strongarm Britt into living with her.
Sabrina: Britt, we're all thinking of your comfort. Trust me, when you get used to it, you'll be happy to be my roommate.
Think of the hilarity that could come from this! I am imagining a montage of Britt doing horrible roommate things--wearing Sabrina's clothes, stealing Sabrina's money, creepily staring at Sabrina while she sleeps and I am loving every second of it. If the show broadcasts even ten seconds of the GH that plays in my head, the world will be a better place.
Other Things That Are Hilarious (Mostly Unintentionally So):
- Was Silas trying to use his innate sex appeal to charm Sam into giving him custody of Rafe? That was one low-cut shirt!
- Sam and Rafe's heartfelt declarations of (familial! We're not entering Lifetime Movie territory just yet) love were bizarre, weren't they?
Rafe: You guys are my family! You and Danny! Not that freak in there.
Sam: I know, we feel the same about you.
Okay, I dare anybody to name even one personality trait of Rafe's. Go ahead. I'll wait. I know that Sam's relationship with Jason set the bar pretty low in terms of human interaction and that she probably does consider a block of wood to be family, but really.
- Tracy so beautifully verbalized the nation's disgust with Carly and AJ's tryst, to the point where I can't even offer commentary on it because how can you possibly describe perfection?
"As hard as it is to believe that any woman would want to sleep with AJ, but...I guess Carly can't be picky."
"The two of them obviously slithered together in the viscous ooze of a lonely night."
"It's only fair to use his grotesque indiscretion with Carly to make the world a better place."
I want to meet Jane Elliot and when I'm done fawning over her and hysterically telling her how talented she is, assuming that she doesn't flee screaming, politely ask her to record some particularly nasty insults on my cell phone to be used whenever the need strikes.
- "There's no mean man here trying to take away my little boy," announced Sam to Danny because that's the sort of natural conversation one has with a baby (and she should know better! She's Sam McCall! There's almost always a mean man somewhere trying to do something to make her cry!). Cut to Mystery Guy in her living room. BOOM! IRONY!
- Speaking of Mystery Guy, let's all update our "Dude, he's totally Franco" checklist to include the following clues: he's good at lurking in hallways, he uses funny voices, he has a fondness for DVDs, he creates chaos (he's responsible for tainting the relish and causing the mass sickness on The Chew, which I guess one could consider to be performance art of the Francoish sort), and he really likes looking at Jason.