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« The Day That Got Way Better | Main | Out of the Mouths of Babes »

May 08, 2013

There Is No Spatula Large Enough To Lay It On This Thick

Anywhere in the world. There couldn't be! 

(Okay, maybe one.)

I realize I can barely come up with anything else to say about B&B lately, but I seriously cannot get enough of hearing all these completely deluded borderline-psychotics come up with ways to defend the indefensible.

Today, we had Brooke (who is just completely insane now) revisit the gem of, "But Katie told me she wanted me to sleep with her husband! You could totally tell by the way she angrily screamed it while crying and throwing her wedding ring!"

That one's sort of her standby, but today they really had me choking on my vegetarian chili.

Brooke and Donna delusionally pump up Bill

Brooke (to Bill, the man who basically tried to ruin Brooke's daughter's life in order to control his son's in a completely creepy manner): You're a good father.

Bill: I try.

Donna (to Bill, the man she just learned cheated on his wife, her sister, with her other sister): And a good husband.

Bill: I try there, too.

Brooke (who is standing there all weepy because she is miraculously pregnant by Bill, her sister's husband, to Bill): You are.

WHO THE FREAK ARE THESE PEOPLE KIDDING? They are hilarious! And seriously, they weren't even playing this as if, "I'm just trying to convince myself of it." All of these lines were said entirely sincerely, as if Bill is a great and wonderful man -- so wonderful that they are brought to tears by said wonder.

And then we got the best bit of all.


Bill: A lot of that has to do with Will. He's taught me how to be a better man. 'Cause a man, a real man is there for his child. My father wasn't there for me, and I wasn't there for Liam, and even though that was no fault of my own, I'm not gonna let the same thing happen with Will. Yeah. I know what you're thinking. Big bad Bill talking about his progeny. But I mean it. If you bring a child into this world, well, you better be there for him...or her, as the case may be. 

Well, upon his departure this just destroyed Donna and Brooke. Because his children are important to him! And she's carrying his child! GET IT? HOW CAN SHE NOT TELL HIM?

What WILL she do!

These people kill me.

Meanwhile, Rick tried and failed to break up with Caroline. Again. This is sort of a daily thing. I still maintain that Caroline and Linsey Godfrey get the "most improved" medal on the show so far this year -- not only has her transformation made Caroline bitchier and funnier and a lot more entertaining, but now we're moving back to a more vulnerable Caroline who still has some decency. Hey! She's more than just one simple thing! And Godfrey's delivering the goods.


Caroline can't take no for an answer

Rick cannot man up

We do have a problem, though. 

Here we go again

At this point, I still find all three characters in this triangle to be a million times more interesting than Hope, Liam, and Steffy, but I fear we are going down the same road. And the same road will make me lose interest in them so fast. Can Rick please not turn into a waffling douchenozzle like Liam? You can't actually just have two serious girlfriends who totally know about each other! (Or I guess you can, since Liam basically has for years.)

I fear for the next two years of our viewing lives. I do! It just feels like deja vu. Or maybe PTSD.


Not just Liam. Ridge before him. It's a B&B staple.

See, I think I'm going to have to watch B&B for the fourth time in 26 years based on this recap alone, Louise. Watching that show is always like visiting a museum catering to the macabre, absurd, and deeply disturbing. I'm a dedicated OLTL fan, so I know of what I speak.

I don't... & never will... watch this show....
But with her hair like that, Brooke looks like Jennifer Saunders, which makes this all look like a hiLARious parody of soaps!

Well, hell, all Bill has to do is knock up Donna & he'll hit the trifecta.

Seriously, they are doing a pregnancy storyline with Brooke? Lord have mercy.

I love Brooke but I can NOT get down with her in all sincerity tell Stabby McMinikniferson that he is a good father. And Donna! Good husband? WTF?

I thought Sonny was the most misogynistic man on soaps but now I know it is the man who writes these stories!

I can't with these people. It ain't RIGHT.

Brooke already has two children that havent been aged or shown yet. Lets look at this seriously...Rick is pushing 35 years old. Miracle babies can happen, especially on soaps...Rachel gave birth to twins on AW when her son Jamie was nearly a 40 year old doctor. My question...WHY are soap writers all but incapable of writing age appropriate stories? They write teenagers like they‘re 30...crying about love and babies and soulmates...and they write adults in their 50‘s like young adults in their 20‘s...sleeping around, being indecisive, unplanned pregnancies, and incapable of making a commitment. After 5 kids, I think Brooke‘s incubating days are long past. This story has been done over and over and over in the last 26 years...its time for a new idea and a new story.

I loved, loved that Bill/Donna/Brooke scene because it was just *so* ridiculous! I admit i even watched it multiple times.

Donna was hilarious - one minute she's like, "This will destroy Katie!!" and then the next minute she's like "You're in love with Bill! You have to tell him about the baby!"

When Donna mentioned that it's the same as when Hope was conceived, and Brooke wouldn't hear it, LOL. (i am looking forward to a repeat of such conversation)

I have been *so* relieved to be rid of Hope/Steffy/Liam for the first part of the week! Yay! Maya/Rick/Caroline characters are INFINITELY more interesting, and because of that I have no fear that this will become like Hope/Steffy/Liam, because, can *anything* really be as bad as Hope/Liam/Steffy? I didn't think so!

Who is doing the young womens' nail polish on this show? Caroline had the ring finger nail also a "different" color than the rest - just like Steffy always does. FUGLY!

Is it just me or is it absolutely implausible that neither Brooke nor Donna would wonder if Brooke would "keep the baby" (euphemism)? I know that for dramatic effect Brooke would of course continue the pregnancy, but isn't *this* a situation when one might seriously consider it? Or like, talk about it? Or just have Brooke say, "No, it is against my beliefs because my religion mandates that I mother children of different fathers!"

Brooke running around FC was also hilariously ridiculous.

@Ziyal: I recorded that episode, and put it on while my daughter was doing her homework. When Brooke took off in a full gallop (stallion? Hee Hee...) I was laughing hysterically leaving my kid very confused as to why I was laughing so hard! It was completely ridiculous that she was running: in heels, and without a good supportive bra. I thought she was going to give herself two black eyes! Did she think she could out run her (also ridiculous) pregnancy?!?
I did notice that her single tear stayed in place beautifully!!!
I'm betting Eric will say they were fooling around and have a shotgun wedding to save face. Then we can watch Taylor go postal.

@SlappieJones: it would be simply WONDERFUL if Eric & Brooke have a shotgun wedding just to watch Taylor go postal; I am grinning just thinking about it!

And OMG, your gallop-stallion reference = PERFECTION!! Yeah, I guess my poor Brookie thought she could outrun her pregnancy, lmfao.

Thank you so much for recapping this! Thank you thank you! Wasn't it just absurdly hilarious? Days like this make me glad to be a soap-watcher. I love that Brooke totally shut down any discussion of the fact that she's done this exact thing before. These people are so gloriously delusional it gives me hope for my own life!

I must agree, Caroline is far more entertaining as a conniving manipulator. Much more tolerable than when everyone treated her like the second coming of the Virgin Mary.

I also loved Hope breaking down in the beach house, because I'm nursing a secret hope that she's going to become, psychologically speaking, a complete whackjob. She's already obsessive and bitter, in soap terms that's just one small step away from murderously insane. Hope, to me, will never be interesting unless she fundamentally changes, and while I think this would be a train wreck, I think it would be a fun train wreck

@ziyal: My "girls" certainly aren't perky anymore either, but come on! For God's sake, the woman has her own lingerie line...there has to be a support bra in there somewhere!

The only way Friday's show could've been any better is if the car steffy collided with had Mope and her dumb ass brother, Rick in it!

They wouldn't have a switch the baby storyline with Steffy and Brooke, would they?

I doubt there will be a baby switch storyline simply because I can't see Brooke keeping the paternity a secret from Bill for a full 9 months. Never gonna happen. (Unless she is sent away, ROFL!).

I loved Eric's "I'll always be here" speech with Brooke this week: http://ziyalofhaiti.tumblr.com/post/50170628187/bold-beautiful-eric-x-brooke-may-9th-2013

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