I can see why people would assume that the one-two punch of the dreadful Daytime Emmy Awards and a particularly unfortunate string of General Hospital were enough to turn me off of soap blogging and television watching in general and cause me to go off the grid and live all ghost protocol. I mean, it IS a plausible explanation, since they were both just that bad, and as it's a much more exciting and melodramatic reason for falling so woefully behind on television (and not just soaps. I still haven't watched this week's True Blood! Judge me not, for I judge myself!) than my actual explanation, we're just going to go with it.
So, yes, I quit life in a fit of soap exasperation, but General Hospital knows how to get me back: with lots of insults to and about Sabrina ("the squinty nurse with the boyish figure"? "The nerdy sherpa"? The fact that I do not possess a single iota of musical talent despite playing viola for ten years and therefore having absolutely no business being a member of a band is in no way dissuading me from calling The Nerdy Sherpas as a band name. DIBS, BITCHES) and devious plans masterminded by a cruel doctor with a pretty epic hat collection.
Of course the paternity test ambush would fail--there is way too much drama to be mined from Britt's pregnancy to reveal the truth so early. So I'm not surprised that the test concluded that Patrick is the father. And I'm also not surprised that Sabrina made lots of "But this isn't FAIR!" faces when Ellie read the results. And I'm not even surprised that Dr. Obrecht was involved in falsifying the test results, as she revealed in texts to her daughter because of course she is. Her sole character traits are cunning and evil-doing!
And I'm also not even that surprised that, based on the meaningful way Britt kept looking over at the positively gleeful (and adorable and sweet and cute and happy and ohmigod, I just want to hug them) Dante and Lulu, Britt is probably knocked up with Dante and Lulu's baby.
So...I am not surprised by any of this and yet I'm delighted by it all the same. It's amazing how the possibility of a Dr. Obrecht return featuring festive summer hats is enough to get me to completely overlook predictability. It turns out that I have very, very low standards.