Secrets And Lies And The Perfect Surprise
At the very end of today's General Hospital, there were four seconds so perfect and wonderful and exciting that I applauded and made a horrendous sort of sound that was a cross between a squeal and a dog whistle*. And even though I am a born pessimist and almost immediately started to imagine a host of ways in which this could go wrong**, I really appreciated it in the moment. Truly. I'm still kvelling, a little bit***.
And oh, how I needed that. Because the 57 minutes that came before it were filled with at least three hundred thousand (I'm rounding down) moments that were rage-inducing and eyebrow raising and awful and they all revolved around Spinelli and Maxie and OH MY GOD, I HATE SO MANY THINGS.
There is very little more infuriating than watching a character who is completely and wholly guilty of [SOMETHING] being accused of [SOMETHING] and denying doing [SOMETHING] in the most strident, horrified and persecuted manner possible. "How DARE you accuse me of something that facts point to me doing for reasons that would clearly benefit you?! How dare you even VERBALIZE such a horrible and offensive and, sure, not so unbelievable on the surface BUT UNBELIEVABLE UNDER THE SURFACE, THE SURFACE OF MY EMOTIONS idea? You DISGUST ME!"
Lulu: This nutcase is lying, right?
Spinelli, ANGRILY: Yes, yes. Lulu, Brad is fabricating this story AS USUAL.
Brad: Go to hell, Spinelli.
Olivia, who is just...ugh, shut up, Olivia: You are in a church!
Spinelli: Yes, it is SHAMEFUL to be perpetuating such a horrible lie in a house of god. SHAMEFUL.
I did a full Harbaugh.
(I will never--ever!--get sick of that moment. He is a ridiculous man prone to fits of anger so immature and ridiculous that part of me thinks he needs medication and the other part of me wants to befriend him)
I know that it wouldn't make any real sense for Brad to tell the truth and for Spinelli and Maxie to immediately react with "Well, I guess the jig is up!" but watching Spinelli be all strident and angry and smug was just more than I could handle. At least Maxie had the dignity to deliver her pathetic lies with nausea overwhelming her entire being. Spinelli? SPINELLI? The misplaced self-righteousness just kills me. As in "it makes me wish I were dead".
Spinelli: Dante, he's manufacturing this out of thin air! This supposed conversation never took place. I can swear to it and Maxie can, too! [...]You're distorting the facts and fabricating lies like you always do!
And then when Dante started to put the pieces together and demanded answers (look at the detective using his skills! I'm most excited for Dominic Zamprogna's performance with the fallout, based on today's show--he was great.), Spinelli got all glib, which somehow irritated me almost as much as the condescension and rage. "Whoa, whoa, why are we in Frown Town? Is this just because you heard something that is, at best, a wildly disturbing rumor about your child? No need to harsh everybody's mellow, man!"
Brad, with a flair for the dramatic: May god strike me dead if I'm lying.
Spinelli: Well, crazy has left the building. I guess since things are settled, we can all go home.
Spinelli: I'm famished after all this excitement. Who's with me?
Dante: Not so fast.
Spinelli: "Not so fast"? Dante, I mean, isn't that a bit noirish for the occasion?
Is he the worst or is he the worst? I mean, we all KNEW he was the worst basically from the day he joined the show but most especially from the minute he became totally okay with a hit being placed on Dante's life, but the constant reinforcement of the worst...worstedness? Worstness? I don't know. I hate him. He is awful. This story is awful. Spinelli being named Connie's godfather is awful (like, if I'm Nik, I'm pretty peeved! Maybe that's why he was blatantly disinterested and only focused on Brad when he could get in digs on Britt's behalf. And what was with him bouncing the second he got a phone call from Britt? That's his niece!). The destruction of Maxie and Lulu's friendship is awful.
If it weren't for those last few seconds, I'd have a pretty bad taste in my mouth. As it stands, I have a pretty bad anger-headache.
*I'm clearly talking about Patrick and Sabrina's state of the relationship talk. Does he love her 4EVA? Haha, just kidding, ROBIN IS BACK.
**But I'm being semi-optimistic in saying that this "could" go wrong instead of "will" go wrong, right? Personal growth!