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« Seven Seconds In Heaven | Main | Meet The Parents »

December 10, 2013

Shock Of All Shocks (Insert Your Own Sarcastic Airquotes As You Please)

From the very second Franco conveniently stumbled upon a freshly dug grave at the very moment he needed to dispose of a body before a hot date with Carly*, I knew it was just a matter of time before the classic horror movie "OHMIGOD THE VILLAIN ISN'T REALLY DEAD, HIS/HER HAND JUST DRAMATICALLY BURST OUT FROM HIS/HER GRAVE OHMIGOD I DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING BECAUSE I NEVER GOT AROUND TO SEEING CARRIE OR THAT EPISODE OF PRETTY LITTLE LIARS OR THAT EPISODE OF MELROSE PLACE OR BASICALLY ANY TELEVISION EPISODE OR MOVIE THAT INCLUDED A BAD PERSON BEING BURIED" moment came and even though I was prepared for it, I still groaned out loud because of lameness.

Lame is actually a pretty good overview of today's entire episode--I almost kept hoping the news would break in with a special alert that it had snowed earlier this morning and is also cold.

  • LAME: AJ's trial taking place basically over the course of eight minutes. I am not saying that I wanted a prolonged trial, because this show's grasp of the legal system is mind-exploding at best. But this was the murder trial of a legacy character who was charged with killing someone who...well, I hesitate to overstate the importance of Connie to the canvas, so I'll just say "someone who sure ate up a lot of screentime". At the very least they could have aired implausible courtroom scenes for me to fast-forward through!
  • LAME: Carly attempting to justify being smitten with Franco with a snotty "Jason would disagree with me but he'd also let me do whatever I want because I am Carly". I know we are talking about someone who is outlandishly delusional but the only way Jason would be okay with Carly dating Franco is if he secretly wanted Carly dead and for Franco to be the one to put Jason out of his misery. So never mind, maybe he WOULD be okay with Carly dating Franco.
  • LAME: I am one of the major proponents of 90s era GH nostalgia and almost any reference to the show's glory days will make me smile, but HOLY GOD I cannot stomach the thought of hearing Lily's name mentioned one more time.
  • LAME: The fact that my DVR didn't record the previous two episodes filled with things I am actually moderately interested in/absolutely obsessed with. But it sure made sure to capture every moment of today's show.

*I could not stop cringing during Carly and Franco's phone conversation when she was nervous about wondering where he was and he was awkwardly trying not to let on that he was burying a body. "Hurry back, I have a surprise for you!" ""A surprise? That sounds awesome. It's got to be a good surprise, right? Why would you tell me about a bad surprise? Would you mind telling me just how good it is?" She was so flirtatious that I half expected her to just dispense with the subtext and tell him "The surprise is my vagina".


Don't feel bad, Mallory. Yesterday's episode was much, much worse.

Muah! Heather Webber lives to strike again. So, let Heather kill Franco in a fit or rage and end this story once and for all.

AJ killing Connie was dumb, dumb, dumb. If they needed to switch around the stories in order to bring KMc and the rest of the Legion of Doom characters back to town for four months, why not send a few characters packing (Olivia, Spinelli, Connie, Shawn, Rafe, nuTaylor, etc) and give us scenes of Quiz falling in love?

The best part of yesterday's show was AJ kissing Diane followed with "You're fired". At least AJ was found not guilty (and he's not guilty). Now he's out of jail (backburner) and can build himself back up or keep on drinking...

I love your posts!!!

With regards to Lily....thank you!!!!!!! The way each successive regime has kept this character alive as some sort of martyr or saint or beloved heroine....she was none of the above. She was a forgettable throw away mob moll who is only remembered for the way she died. Sonny never loved her. He could barely tolerate her. It was an arranged mafia marriage and the first of many groan inducing "woe is me" deaths traced to Sonny.

Carly and Franco are ew. Ewnuff said!

Sonny and Sean are ew too. They take so much glee in threatening and killing people.

How far away Love in the Afternoon seems when we get a son brutally butchering his mother and dumping her body in an open grave without even checking for a pulse. In the same episode we get two violent mob thugs forcing someone to dig his own grave.

It is no shock to me that Carlivati is no longer a lawyer...he must have been a very bad one. That said...I am pleased AJ was found not guilty. That is one of the first times in my memory when an innocent person has been found innocent in a trial. The fact hat it was not dragged out...and the fact that it silenced the smug arrogance of Tracy and Sonny was awesome!!

Amidst all the mob malaise, the Franco frustration, and other grotesque goings-on, as always there is enough I like about the show to keep me watching. Kind of weird that the show is ramping up all this unnecessary violence right before Christmas! The only ho ho ho I see so far is Carly!

the real giveaway to the so not dead heather was when franco was asking her if she could hear him as be berated her for not listening to his warning to stay away from carly and her eyelids kept fluttering ... i kept thinking 'she's not dead' ... oh good i hate to lose someone as wonderful as robin mattson

Carly's school girl nervousness about her date with Franco was so annoying. That's why I loved the withering look the room service guy shot her. I bet the staff at the Metro Court hates Carly.

Someone tell me how writers*I hesitate to call them that*, can ruin a show right after seeing the ratings go through the roof? Luke drove drunk killed a Quartermain and gets to call AJ names? Tracy calls Aj a drunken Dead- beat while sitting next to the original dead beat murderer. feeding him more booze. Franco what can I say. Heather has to be alive because he left his fingerprints all over the place. Knife shovel any bloodstains in the laundry cart.I would love to see her get away with Murder Carleys. Sonny and Shawn what can I say. carlos is standing in his own grave ,which he dug, with a gun pointed at him, told to man up ????Shawn hold a gun on him, while Sonny jumps on him. . In a grave yard in daylight .? Mallory loved your comment on the surprise, The whole world has seen carleys ya ya. Also loved the comment made by someone else HO HO HO The only refrence to Christmas made . Are they trying to destroy the ratings with this drivel,so they can say its cancelled ?

Um, I don't think that particular part of Carly would be a surprise . . . to anyone . . . unless she taught it to sing.

@Johnny, he did check for a pulse, sort of. He put his head on her chest to check for a heartbeat. I'm really hating the whole Heather thing, wish they'd just lock her the hell up. Soaps never can keep the loonies in the bin. I think Robin Mattson is great, but this story is so boring.

P.S. I thought a quick deliberation usually meant a GUILTY verdict.

Sabrina is the new Lily imo and I hope the mention of her is not the rumored story of lily being alive even though Jason watched her die and there was no body switch or getting out and really hope lily is not Sabrina's mom although they both suck

Sonny and Shawn are the worst ever ever ever! I cringe when they're on, especially with what they're doing to Carlos

I'm stoked AJ is free, but are we going to see him again? :sniff: I love AJ and Liz, but she seems busy propping Patrina, much like everyone else in town and the writing room, so I think Robin could really use someone to bond with that is really hot. Patrick is obvi not interested.

I hate this show so very very much

Please tell me they aren't going to go "there" and change the timing of Sonny and Lily's um.. marriage and subsequent Click Boom Barf Who Gives a Rats Ass and make Sabrina Sonny and Lily's baby girl? Not happening because obviously Sabrina is such a mature (cough) and wise girl and Lily must be her poor tortured mother forced to give up her baby girl long before she ever came into Sonny's powerful penis orbit, right? I could deal with anything on this show if they just removed Sonny and every bit of influence he has on every other character.
Sam CAN NOT and WILL NOT forgive or accept that TERRIBLE mobster Julian Jerome (who saved her precious son's life) but St. Jason and the forever forgivable and awesome Mr. Corinthos are just fine and dandy doncha know? I could kill myself the hypocrisy pains so much.

Speaking of Carlos...Since we aren't allowed to "actor bash" over on soapnet, I must say that I think Carlos is gross to the max. I want to scrub him clean and give him a hair cut soon. He's sleazy looking and is so horrid that I would rather sleep with Epiphany.

I stopped paying attention. Did Carlos ever die?

Spinelli is a character that I despised. Then I was mildly irritated by. Then I stopped watching GH for a while, and when I came back, I kind of liked him. I think that character may have benefited from the writing regime change more than any other -- the writers really toned down the "look I'm a nerd. isn't this how nerds talk? goofy nickname."

Further, I think Bradford Anderson is legitimately talented. His dialogue, particularly in his early years, was often times excruciating, but I think he acted the hell out of Georgie's death and the baby drama. If I miss Spinelli at all, it will be entirely because of his talent.

BUT, now that we have some breathing room in the budget, all I want for Christmas is more AJ and to bring back Lucas. (Am I the only one kind of excited for the Julian Jerome/Lucas reveal? I hate the mob war crap, but I enjoy William deVry and I would much rather watch him play out the family drama than Mobster #481.

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