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« The One With My Identity Crisis | Main | The Fosters: House and Home »

January 20, 2014

And The Phrase of The Day "Because Of Course"

Is there a word for the feeling of being disappointed and irritated by something, but certainly not surprised by it and also not even really angry because you know in your heart of hearts that it's only going to get much worse from here and it's much better for you to pace yourself on your long and strenuous marathon of disdain and not jump to seething rage immediately? I bet the Germans have a word for it.

Whatever the term is (pre-rage apathy? The eyeroll before the rage? Watch this space for a pithy, and maybe even punny, zing that we will all try to make happen), that's where I am at with General Hospital today. So much of what went on today pushed all of the wrong buttons, the buttons that would normally make me shriek in a way that only dogs could hear:

  • Carly is still being held captive by Heather (who could really use some pointers on kidnapping, because Carly is barely even tied up. Like, her feet aren't bound, are they? She could literally just get up and walk away to look for help and if one of Heather's goons caught her--because of course Heather has goons, why wouldn't she?--she could just get sassy and annoying around the gag that is barely in her mouth and they'd be like "Fine, go, I can't stand to be around you for one second longer.") and Luke stumbled upon her and it seemed for a second to people unfamiliar with soap operas that she was about to be saved but then Luke got knocked out. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DID. Because this story is not going to end for at least three more months of poor Franco being persecuted by mean Sonny and even meaner Michael (and being defended by Kiki who, like Carly, is just suuuuuuch a good judge of character and knows when someone is good, you guys, and Franco is rilly rilly good!) and endless scenes of Heather doing her "Look at me, I'm soooooo crazyyyyy!" shtick.
  • There are a bunch of new candidates for Chief of Staff--basically every regular character who holds a medical degree, actually. We can go back and forth on whether any of them are remotely qualified to hold the job or even if some of them should still have their medical license, but it doesn't even matter because this entire debacle is just the excuse to bring Dr. Obrecht in as the new Chief of Staff. BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE IS. That totally makes sense, doesn't it? That the board of directors at a hospital would elect a psychotic criminal mastermind whose last known whereabouts were "Prison, because she was arrested on account of the psychosis and criminal masterminding"? Because Dr. Obrecht needs to create more chaos and this is as good a reason as any to bring her back to do it, right? Even the rest of the room wasn't shocked by her entrance--Monica rolled her eyes and Britt looked grossed out. You speak to my soul, ladies!
  • Felix and Sabrina LOUDLY and PUBLICLY discussed the huge secret that Patrick is really the father of Sabrina's baby and Elizabeth overheard. BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE DID. That's what happens when you have a personal conversation and EXPLICITLY NAME EVERY SINGLE PERSON AND EVENT INVOLVED (Actual quote: "No one will hear from me that Carlos isn't the father of your baby and that Patrick is"). What the hell? I know when I am discussing an enormous and life-altering secret in public--which I wouldn't, because I have the minimal understanding of what a secret actually is, but if I was forced under duress to discuss a secret in a highly traficked public place, I'd whisper and also be incredibly vague about the entire thing. "Sabrina, I promise, I won't say anything about the thing". Or I'd be even less mysterious and provocative than that and just say "I promise". Fucking Felix.

Speaking of Felix, can we discuss how he is the worst? Because he is. THE WORST.

He started the episode by saying "I get it, it's not my place", which I have to assume was an ironic line, because he certainly doesn't understand what either of those phrases means. THEN he proceeded to make rage inducing faces at Sabrina while she made pleasant smalltalk with Patrick and Robin about morning sickness.

And after that, the Crown Prince of Doucheville climbed up on his thoroughbred high horse and decided to lecture Patrick on the way he said goodbye to Sabrina.

Patrick: If you need anything, obviously let me know.
Sabrina: I appreciate that.
Felix: Wait, hold up. Doc, is that all you have to say? "Want some coffee, catch you later"?
Patrick: What would you like me to say?
Felix: Well, you could acknowledge that Sabrina is having a BABY [Note: you should just assume that at least three words in each of Felix's lines are (over)emphasized all snottily. Just in case I forget to type them in caps. You can also assume that he makes wildly judgmental and smug faces while delivering all these lines. Because he did. It was awful]
Patrick: I thought I just did that.
Felix: Yeah, in a "mildly concerned acquaintance" kind of way.


THEN when Sabrina lied that Carlos is the father of her baby, he was all appalled and made sort of hilarious/entirely angry-making faces of betrayal and decided to interrogate her about it. In front of Patrick and Robin. And anyone else who happened to walk by. Because this conversation was taking place in a hallway at their place of employment ohmigod you guys, I hate him so much. When Patrick and Robin were mercifully allowed to leave and Patrick tossed off an incredibly bland "All right, we'll see you guys later", all I could imagine was how grateful he must be that he dodged a bullet and doesn't have to deal with Felix being a part of every single second of his married life (Spoiler alert: Patrick, you have dodged no such bullet. He will be a part of your life forever. Like a cockroach. A loud, hammy cockroach).

I don't know why I don't just fast forward these scenes--it's not like Robin and Patrick were really even a part of them aside from window dressing. Maybe my critics are right and I do like being miserable.



I just...I can't with GH right now. Pretty sure I'm done or very close.

"Like, her feet aren't bound, are they?"

I didn't notice until today, but it looks like the ropes binding her arms are looped through some kind of notch in the boathouse floor.

Not that that counteracts your point about how awful this Franco/Carly/Heather story is.

I fear that Dr. O as COS will lead to her being ruined Heather-style, but I admit I am curious for the shenanigans ahead. Maybe she can assign Sabrina and Felix bedpan duty!

I too fear that Dr.O as COS will ruin her but hopefully I'll be able to enjoy it for awhile.

I'm also digging Ryan Carnes as Lucas and
I'm dreading the inevitable Lucas/Brad/Felix triangle that I know is coming.

I wanted Monica and Leslie as co-COS. Sigh.

Yes, anyone with a medical degree was up for COS. If they needed Britt to be there when
Dr.O walked in, couldn't she have just been at the hospital and had stopped in to talk to Robin. It's these stupid plot point driven scenarios that drive me crazy. What happens in the writers room? "We'll need Britt there...hum..think...think.. So we'll put her up for COS...yeah, that's the ticket"...MORONS...US!

Thanks for the recap Mallory. I've only watched sporadically in the last few weeks as the story lines have been a bit annoying and only a few characters I'm interested in have made appearances (albeit brief ones). How did Dr. O even get out of jail?

Because of course St. Sabrina's WTD cannot end immediately, Liz will not reveal the truth to Patrick and Robin. Because of course Liz will agree to keep Sabrina's secret because she will be 1.) slut-shamed by her past of WTDs and 2.) her loyalty to Sabrina will be greater than her loyalty to Patrick and Robin! That's all speculation but given the writing, it feels highly likely.

The conversations about the new COS were asinine. NONE of the people in that room should have even been considered, save Monica. How I wished the new COS was Leslie! Olbrecht being made COS while Heather is on the loose, Carly and Franco being in love AND Kiki existing was much too much. GH had to be removed from my DVR.

And I may be the lone wolf with the following opinion but what heck! I loved the Sonny/Alexis scenes. I think their scenes are mainly fun these days with smart banter. IMO, Sonny and Alexis have massive amounts of chemistry that was never properly explored after 2002. Alexis does not have an ounce of chemistry with Julian. Sorry.

Yes! Leslie as COS or even if she had to share the job with Monica would have been a hoot.

I hate seeing Liz dragged out of mothballs to continue in her pimp/prop duty for Sabrina. Ugh.

It was sort of nice to hear Alexis admit she had three baby Daddies!

Dr. Obrecht???????? i believe that INSANITY clearly is not confirmed to the characters but to the writers as well .. seriously .. the hospital had issues with Monica's son being tried for murder but have hired a woman who kidnapped one of their doctors and also tried to kill several people just recently not to mention people she killed in the past .. i sit here shaking my head (i am over being astonished Carly hasnt used her barely tied hands to ungag herself and both scream and use her teeth to untie that absurd binding on her hands)

I need for Elizabeth to blow that mess up, the same way Brad busted up that baby Connie madness. That's what they deserve for discussing things like that in very public places.

I can't believe I feel such animosity towards Felix, when I used to enjoy him in the beginning.

I hate the kidnapping s/l. It is beyond stupid and I'm convinced Carly is enjoying this, b/c what other fool would just sit there when they are clearly capable of untying themselves, getting up, and walking out the door. This is craziness.

I guess I'll have to wait and see how this Obrecht as COS goes, b/c I could've sworn that woman lost her medical license years ago for unlawful experiments.

I've tried to remain positive about GH and enjoy the moments that are good, but this show has completely lost it's heart.

I can't watch it anymore. Doesn't look like I am missing much...
still enjoy your take on GH. Dr. O as COS--yeah that makes sense should Jerry Jax become police commissioner???

Thanks for your updates, I just watch, turn the TV off, that's it They may be good but that old pull into GH stories is gone.

I've been beaten down into bad submission; I'm already trained in how stories/couples will roll its so obvious eg,
Patrick must be with Sabrina, Michael w/Kiki, Carly w/Franco Sam w/Silas, don't expect anything creative, groundbreaking anymore.

What I enjoyed is the COS scene.

I still do not understand why Liz is not included in the storytelling, why she still doesn't have a storyline that involves "her life" not a Sabrina prop, not Robin and Patrick but Elizabeth Webber she has fans wondering what the hell

So, IMHO the GH writers are pretty good at bringing in characters, but they have no idea what to do with them once they have been established. This is a very talented cast overall, but that talent has been wasted on really bad, tired stories lately. And if this elementary school love triangle among Emma, Spencer and Cameron continues, I'm afraid I'll stop watching too...

It gets worse...the actress playing Robin is wrapping up shooting in a couple of weeks. She's leaving again.

My two favorite couples on this show are Patrick/Robin and Kevin/Lucy. A month ago I was over the moon with the characters all returning. Not surprisingly GH has managed to both ruin these couples and waste the talent that they have.

They tried the Scott/Lucy coupling on Port Charles and that was what made me quit watching that show. (okay the whole vampire thing didn't help either!) Now they are doing it again!

Robins return was fabulous! The episodes leading up to and in the church were the best I've seen in a while. Then they just sort of moved on. Did anyone else notice that this couple never once sat down and talked about where she was for all this time or why?

I might have been able to overlook this until I found out yesterday that Kimberly is leaving again. She said that fans will HATE her exit. That was the last straw, I am done GH. Can't bare to watch whatever is coming. It's off my DVR, so long Port Charles!

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