Crazy In Love. Like...Deranged In Love
I'm not going to even bother asking if Carly is for real because, regrettably, this Carly IS for real. All of her giddiness and schoolgirl twittering and doe-eyed smiling every time she hears Franco's name ("Wow, that Franco is just a human disaster, isn't he?" "The handsomest human disaster to ever exist!"). That's who Carly is now and it breaks my heart. Do you know what I'd give to watch Carly stomp around town screaming at everybody until her voice goes hoarse and plotting convoluted schemes to get revenge on people for their real and perceived misdeeds? Sure, she sort of got into it with Ava today, but I worry that it was less about being protective of her child (she referred to Morgan as Kiki's sloppy seconds, which was just so, so gross. Both because that's just a yucky thing to say about your son and also because Kiki is still a character on this show that we are forced to discuss) and more about jealousy that Ava's also done the deed with Franco, her one true love.
Because she loves him, you guys. She love, love, loves him!
Carly, to Michael, who just heard the revolting news that his mother is doing s-e-x with a psychotic killer-stalker-kidnapper: I know you're surprised and shocked.
Michael who, as mentioned above, was revolted and with good reason: No, that doesn't begin to describe it, Mom! This is sick!
Like, really, Carly. You're surprised and shocked when your mother all of a sudden gets bangs, not when she reveals that she's in a relationship with a man who ruined the lives of each of the handful of people she feels some sort of human emotion for.
Every time Michael managed to speak around the bile that was absolutely pooling in his throat and probably threatening to suffocate him so way to go, Carly, your son could have DIED (...AGAIN!) because of Franco and hit her with the cold hard facts that Franco was awful to him and to Sam and to Saint Jason and to Josslyn, she responded with "But...video!" "Oh em gee, Michael, he had a brain tumor? Why are you bullying BRAIN TUMOR PATIENTS right now?"
Michae, disgusted (Michael was so right on today that I came close to liking him for the first time in forever. The only thing keeping me on the face was that he didn't take advantage of his truth-telling roll and dump Kiki): I thought you were smarter than this.
Carly, wiping a tear away: Well, I'm really sorry that I disappointed you.
Poor sad Carly. She was so poor and so sad that she then turned to Franco and said "I'm sorry, I can't be with you right now". No, just kidding, as soon as Michael left she went back to slobbering over Franco both literally (those were some loud, gross kisses) and figuratively:
Carly: Nothing's gonna stop me from being with you. Everything's gonna work out just fine.
Please be ominous, please be ominous, please be ominous...