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« I Have To Tell You Something | Main | Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column »

January 02, 2014

New Year's One Liners

Well, one-liners is sort of false advertising because when have I ever been able to convey a simple thought in anything less than a six paragraph essay? It's one of my worst habits (along with gloating, listening to the same song on repeat endlessly--like, for weeks if not months. This would be the defense offered in a trial for my murder and the defendant would be acquitted within mere moments) and the reason I can't tweet: do you know how little I say in 140 characters? Do you see how long a paragraph intending to say "Apologies, but this is going to be another quickie" turned into babble? So many of my English professors tried to break me of my love affair with fluff but they failed and here we are. Or here we were, before you got bored and started scrolling for the General Hospital relevant portion of my mind-wandering.

Speaking of GH, things happened today. Were they good or bad? The jury is still out. If today was any indication, I will spent the rest of 2014 raising a quizzical eyebrow at my television and pursing my lips in distaste.

*Please let Lulu's New Year's Resolution involve some sort of therapy or at the very least medication, because she is crazy and also awful

It was quite jarring to go from "OH EM GEE, LET'S MAKE A BABY!" to "My eggs aren't viable and that's awful and BY THE WAY, did I ever mention how much I hate that you wouldn't lie on the stand, you son of a bitch, I can't even stand to be in the same room with you which is why I am leaving. Where am I going? [Moody stare into the distance] Probably to meet up with the hot new guy...I mean, I don't know." I do not at all in any way want to dislike Lulu but I have to admit that I was sort of jealous of Dante in that moment. "Ugh, you lucky jerk, she wants nothing to do with you. I can't escape her, though!"

*The new guy is really hot. I'm not sure that he's so good at acting just yet, but I have faith that he'll either get better or I will mute his scenes

*Sam and Silas? Kind of yowza, right?

Yeah. Yowza.

Also, I laughed until I cried twice at Silas. The second time was when he said he hated parks, because it came out incredibly vehemently and that just delighted me, but the first was when he declared to an empty elevator that he wasn't going to lose Sam over the secret that he's hiding (and which New Guy is investigating), because what could he have done that Sam wouldn't be mostly okay with? She was married to a murderer. That was his job. That's how he paid the bills: with death. Whatever boring and lame secret you're hiding probably won't even garner a reaction.

*The longer Britt goes on lying about Ben in the face of Lulu and Dante's heartbreak, the less likely it seems that she's ever going to be redeemed enough to be a viable character and that makes me sad, because I've grown fond of her and her incredibly expressive face. Will she become the next murder mystery? Or am I substantially overestimating things here and will her misdeeds just be brushed aside once Lulu and Dante get their child, like "Yeah, that happened but water under the bridge, woman, geez"?

*Nikolas and Sam were very cute together.

*Speaking of cute: Emma

*The less time I spend thinking about the predictability of the Sabrina story the better, but on the plus side, Felix is really allowing me to be creative with my expressions of dislike.

Could he inherit Ryan Lavery's much-coveted douche joke status?! I think he might, you guys. I think he might.


Things I loved about today's GH-Scrubs renewing their vows and Emma acting as the efficient. So adorable and fun to watch.

Things I hated about today's GH-The annoying Felix and Sabrina. My hate for those 2 is growing by the day. At least I am getting some use out of my mute button.

The new guy was really hot and I actually liked his chemistry with Maxie.

The new guy was hot!

Emma, Robin, Patrick and the stuffed animals stole the show today.

Pfffft. Sam has done equally nasty things on the show besides being married to a hitman for the mob, so Silas sins can't be that bad.


Mallory, them's mighty big thongs to fill! Ryass Lamery was the single most worthy recipient of your douche jokes - which were liberally stolen across the web btw - but Felix is moving up to Douche status FAST! In fact, only the painful memories of Ryass keep Felix from climbing that last douche peak and garnering the crown.

As for new guy - isn't it GREAT that one more underwear model is no longer unemployed? And none will be, not so long as Frank V. and Ron C. are helming the show.

The worst thing about Britt lying so much is that if Britt leaves we might end up with Liz/Nik again. Nooooooooooooooo

I have read a lot of Lulu hate since Rylan took over the role. To be honest...I dont get it. Berman was a very good actress...but as written for most of her duration...the character was a surly, mean, annoying blabbermouth who did stupid impulsive things. She was impulsive and irrational and quick to judge others. She hopped from bad boy to bad boy and then left them when they couldnt live up to her "standards". That is the Lulu that was presented for 8 years and the Lulu I remember...so I am not quite sure which brand of rose colored glasses these fans who hate Nulu are wearing. At times, old Lulu was as much of a harping shrew as Carly...just a mini version. The way Lulu is acting now is EXACTLY the way the old one would have acted and reacted. If anything...she would have thrown Dante out the day he "betrayed" her in court...she would not have stuck around. Some of the things that fans hate Nulu for...being self-centered...the custody case...viciously going after Maxie in court....those are VERY in keeping and consistent with lulu's character as we have always known her. At least Rylan played it as being torn and troubled and conflicted...Berman would have played it going for the jugular. If anything...the Nulu hate could be the fault of the writers. They have played her mostly in a vacuum and have not had her interacting with Luke, Laura, Nikolas, Maxie etc. Those relationships defined and grounded the character. The Nulu hate is just unfounded. Rylan is the perfect choice for this part and I wish more fans would be nicer to both actress and character.

I am reading a lot of comments about this "new guy". He didnt say enough for me to accurately decide if he is an underwear model or an actor, so I will reserve judgment. However, if his two younger brothers come to town, start spending an inordinate amount of time shirtless, and steal all the girls from established characters, then I cry foul! I dont know why this regime feels the need to turn their female characters into blubbering, brain dead idiots when they encounter a new man. Alexis did it with Derek/ Julian, and now Maxie and this Nathan. This is a city where gunshots fly more regularly than birds do...a city where almost every woman and several men have been raped...a city that is contolled by the mafia. Women should and would not be opening all their darkest secrets to the first new man they encounter. They would be wary and skeptical and have their defenses way up...not way down.

Felix is indeed the worst. And I too fear how badly the show is tar and feathering Britt.

Mallory, are you girls going to do a Best and Worst for 2013? I always loved those!

Sorry.I am a NULU fan.The actress not necessarily the character.I didn't like or dislike the other Lulu. I just zoned out when she was on. Emme can act.I loved her as Lizzie on GL. These guys brought her on,and like Johnny said had her in a vacumn. She has been put on without a reason for anyone to like her.She has been given plenty of reasons to be hurt. The new guy is cute, lets hope he doesn't end up being a dirty cop for the mob. I always love watching the drakes.Emma is a find. Felix what can I say.next time the mobs have a shoot out could he please please, please be put in the middle of it.Douche is to good aq word for him. Suebrina let the kid be Carlos .we have just gotten over this plot. I also like Silas and what could he possibly have done that could erase all the things Sam's lovers have done? She is no saint herself. Serial killer of children and child molester would have to be that. Did he work patching up the mob? GMAB. Britt and Nic have become popular together, so give Lulu her baby and lets start the getting back to together.

But Mallory, I love your fluff!

I am enjoying Emme Rylan as Lulu, but I've hated the character of Lulu since she was aged to a teen, no matter who played her. She's been awful for years, imo, and I'm glad that despite a recast, her unlikability has remained. Dante deserves better and, frankly, always has.

I used to like Felix, but he needs to stop living Sabrina's life for her and she needs to start handling her own business. I am one who liked both Britt and Sabrina, but I can't really stand them now. Seeing Sabrina's sniveling throughout the holidays didn't help at all. It would have been nice to see Elizabeth and her kids, Nikolas with Spencer, Monica, Tracy, and Alice at the Q mansion, instead of Michael and that gal devouring each other's faces. That would've been nice.

And, yes, Felix is starting to annoy me on a Ryan Lavery level.

Britt lost my interest when every move she made turned into this ridiculous, "Mutter made me do it" mantra. As for her being redeemed, she's crossing over The Babe Carey River, so I'm sure every excuse will be made and accepted for stealing Dante and Lulu's kid and waiving him in their faces. Everything else has b/c her parents are so awful (-ly amazing, tbh).

You think Sam would be okay with what ever deep dark secret Silas is keeping? Sam? The woman who slept with and got pregnant by TWO un-redeemable mobsters, constantly backed them up in their murderous ways and forgave them every hurt inflicted? That Sam? That open minded, wonderful person who now REFUSES to accept or even be polite to the man who created her and SAVED her precious son's life because he DARED to go after Sonny's "business"? Yah.. that nasty little hypocrite isn't going to forgive a thing unless it falls out of Jason or Sonny's ass.

Really enjoying the comments re: Emme and Lulu. Don't understand the hate either, except that JMB & DZ had very hot chemistry and Lante was a much loved couple. It would be impossible for any actress to replicate no matter how good an actress she is. I think Emme is doing a stellar job handling these scenes.

I definitely think it is the writing that is making her unsympathetic. At times making Lulu looking bi-polar, going from extreme happiness to the depth of despair in the same episode. All of Lulu's faults seem to be highlighted and none of her strengths. The spunky, feisty, adventurous, loving and loyal Lulu seems to be missing. She is stuck in Baby he!! and has no other story.

Yes, Dante has always been too good for Lulu, but he never judged her and he understands that she was damaged goods (deserted by pops/mom in the nut house) when he fell in love and married her. Lulu stood by him many times even going up against her own family, but she has also ditched him numerous times when reality didn't measure up to her ideal of their relationship.

I do think that what Lulu did to Dante was wrong, but based on her character not surprising. I do agree about the Britt hate. I am well beyond the point of ever forgiving her. The longer she keeps that baby, the more I think of all those special moments that Lante will miss out on (& can never have again). I really hope Lulu will come crawling back to Dante asking for him to forgive her for leaving him when he needed her most. Then they need to get their baby back and Britt needs to be out on her a$$- ASAP!

Please no Lulu & New guy!! BTW, not going gaga, not impressed with his acting so far.

I like Marcy (I mean Emme) but sometimes I feel like she's still playing Lizzie Spaulding. She was perfect as that character, but Lulu has obviously had a VERY different upbringing and would react to things differently. I also don't think the chem is there with either parent, except maybe Tracy.

Johnny, I think ER is an okay actress but fails in the more dramatic scenes. She's an awful crier. I found the scenes where the Connie reveal happened (in the church) flat-out bad. And as for her being the perfect choice, off the top of my head, I think both Stephanie Gatschet or Jessica Dunphy would have been better.

Janeway - I guess Dante HAS been a better husband/partner than she's been a wife, but it would be boring if Lulu were as sensible as Dante. :)

Bringing up Stephanie Gatschet (to which I say please God no - the only character she is suited to play on this show is Josslyn) reminds me of another point about ER. She SIZZLED in scenes with Tom Pelphrey (the bad boy) but when she was paired with nicer guys she fell flat. I think she needs an actor/character with at least a sense of mischief to play against, which both Dante and DZ lack in spades.

I had no idea Lante was such a well loved couple on GH, RME. Lulu ran roughshod over Dante from the very start and just a much a shrill harpy as Carly! Free Dante!

ER is horribly miscast at Lulu Spencer Falconieri....that.is.all.

sjgsjg gotta disagree about DZ lacking that sense of mischief. If Dante lacks it, it is in the writing. Go back and watch DZ in his "Dominic Perrelli" undercover personality and he has it in spades, hearts, clubs and diamonds! I will never understand why the writers lost most of that when he was revealed as Dante.

I also think that he could have that fun chemistry with ER if they would just write it. I have no idea why the writers have given her such bad writing since she came on the show. Are they trying to get us to hate her?

Thanks, Janeway - I'm a relative noob so all I have seen is Dante wringing his hands over whatever issue Lulu is having that day.

I agree with Johnny et al about Lulu. I remember the days she was known as Shrewlu and now everyone's all over ER for playing her that way? Lulu has just reverted to type, that's all. I don't want her back with Dante or hooking up with new guy.

Which brings me to new guy...looks wise and voice wise he reminds me of Karl Urban. Jury's still out on his acting but he's not made me cringe yet.

MissyLady, they were/are decently popular, no need to rme

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