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« Forget Carly--I'm The One Being Held Hostage Here | Main | The One With My Identity Crisis »

January 13, 2014

The Fosters: Season 1B(?), Episode 1

"I'm not going to be selfish anymore, okay? I promise." -- Callie, just before making sure a pair of newlyweds who just agreed to make her a part of their family wake up the morning after their wedding to a missing kid. Callie's got a real funny idea of "unselfish." Ugh.

Welcome to coverage of The Fosters! I love this show, but I fully recognize that it occasionally overdoses on the schmaltz, so as it's a nighttime serial drama it seems the right fit for that Serial Drama balance of love and hate. But mostly love.

Fortunately we do open with a little bit of wedding night afterglow between Stef and Lena. The ladies got more action in the first thirty seconds of the episode than in the entire first half of the season!


So pretty.

Annie Potts, aka Stef's mom, does not approve of the Fosters' plan to adopt Callie and Jude. Callie, who is currently on a cross-country trip with Wyatt (who I love and wish that we were meant to see him as a legitimate love interest for Callie, but I realize we're all supposed to be rooting for Callie and her foster/adoptive brother and also eww and also why and also no). She's keeping mum on why she's on the run.

Callie can't take it

Wyatt sure is agreeable.

Brandon tries to check in with Jude to see what his stance is on the foster-sibling-lovin' he unfortunately witnessed the night before.

Sweet jude

Brandon insists he loves Callie, and his facial expression when he says it makes it look like his IQ just spontaneously dropped 80 points in that moment.

Brandon apparently loves callie

I don't know about y'all, but I am a total sucker for the opening credits and the theme song. Sniffles.


It gets me all fuzzy inside.

Stef's mother has a new bed delivered for Stef and Lena. It looks like two twin posturepedic beds smushed together. I guess I can see the practicality in this? But it'd likely make sexytimes a little awkward. She and Jude play with the bed's remote control a bit and I love Jude so much and I hope they don't leave him out of any episodes in the back half of the season like they did in the first.

Lexi and Marianna are working on some sort of collage, and Marianna expresses that she's feeling neglected because Lexi pays so much attention to Jesus. "You'll understand when you fall in love" is Lexi's insanely offensive and condescending "apology" to Marianna, who thankfully is not having it.

Callie and Wyatt are having some sort of alien snowcones in the middles of nowhere, as you do. They fantasize about the future, specifically getting excited about being 21 the way teenagers think adulthood is "freedom" rather than quite the opposite. Unless you've got some trust fund. Or are maybe a rock star. 

Jude has noticed that all Callie's stuff is missing. No bueno! Stef gets all Hot Cop on the situation and insists they need to follow procedure for reporting it. Callie and Wyatt seem to have managed to afford a pretty nice motel room. While Callie's showering, Wyatt gets a voicemail from Lena asking if he knows anything, but he deletes the message. He doesn't look happy about it but, hey, he wants to get the girl and also to be A REBEL!

Stef cries to her mother about her missing foster daughter, but her mom sure seems even-keeled about it. Stef is mildly annoyed and also mildly amused at the new bed. I recommend memory foam, Stef. For real. 

Wyatt's being a good friend and trying to draw Callie out and encourage her to reach out to her biological father and not to always jump to conclusions that people are automatically going to abandon her. They hit the sack, platonically, but she sleepily cuddles up to him. He loves it but it scares the crap out of him. He rushes out of the bed pretty quickly when the sun comes up (hiding the morning wood, I'd imagine, I mean this is a teenage boy). Wyatt goes outside of the motel and Stef and Lena are there -- turns out he called them! He's a good kid. Unfortunately Callie spotted them and took off. You know, to be "unselfish." She's hitched a ride in an eighteen-wheeler, so that can only turn out well, right?

Marianna has decided she's not going to eat eggs anymore because of factory farming, so she's my new favorite. Mike is trying to run the family in the Moms' absence and he's failing on most levels. Brandon is asking Marianna if Callie got back together with Wyatt, which really should hardly be the concern right now. The large menagerie of children head off to school in Mike's car. Does he drive a clown car? 

Miraculously Callie lived through the truck ride and gets dropped at some diner. She has a very small bag so I'm not super clear on how she cleared all of her stuff out of the house. She applies for a job with no phone number and no address, and is SHOCKED to learn she needs identification to get hired. The diner manager can see through this whole thing and encourages Callie to go home. Callie may not think she really has a home, but she sure does have a perfect manicure. (Speaking of manicures, I probably shouldn't have painted my nails three minutes before typing this. EVERYTHING IS A WRECK.)

Lena and Stef bicker in the car like a married couple, which is what they are now! Point being it's pretty spot-on couple dialogue. Especially couple-bickering-in-car-in-a-crisis dialogue. Stef hilariously takes the clanging glasses (from the wedding rental) out of the trunk and just leaves the crate on the side of the road. Free stemware, citizens of the desert!

Marianna and Lexi break it to Jesus that Lexi's two-week trip to Honduras is actually permanent because immigration law and all. Jesus has a sad face. "This sucks," he says with adolescent eloquence. Lexi hopes to come back for college but tells him not to wait for her (I wouldn't worry about it, Lex). He insists he'll wait anyway (I give it till the season's penultimate episode).

Stef tells Lena she thinks they were both wrong about Callie. HAPPY FIRST DAY OF MARRIED LIFE, Y'ALL! Thanks a lot, SCOTUS!

Brandon goes to chat with Jude. He's finally realized that Callie took off because they'd kissed, but poor little Jude blames himself because he'd yelled at Callie LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE. Aw, Jude. Stop crying, Jude! I can't take it! I love you Jude!

Callie hops on a city bus to... who knows where. SoCal has way more comfortable buses than we have in NYC. Go figure. She gets off the bus at the end of the line and seriously I'd be shocked if she fit both a toothbrush and comb into her tiny backpack. Oh look! The end of the bus line is naturally Hooker Alley. A hooker with a heart of gold offers her a place to stay within four seconds of her disembarking from the bus. Callie borrows Hearty Hooker's phone and calls the federal prison where her father is locked up and learns that he was released over a year ago. D'oh! She goes into the convenience store and just randomly starts eating and drinking things she's not going to pay for, and the cashier calls the cops. Probation violation! No good! Great day, Callie!

Previews for the rest of the season are WAY too heavy on "Brandon and Callie are TRUE LOVE" so, you know, eww. But I'm looking forward to any other subplots please!

Any other Serial Drama readers in love with this adorable show?

(More screencaps to come...)


Sherri Saum will always be Keri Reynolds to me. Why Keri was killed so we could get the "epic" romance of Jessica and Antonio, I will never understand.

I think the eating the food thing was deliberate. She wanted to get picked up because she was afraid to call home.

C, ugh, Jess and Antonio were the worst. But of course Keri and Antonio are together in real life (and about to pop out a mini-them!), so hey, it all worked out in the end...

I loved your recap & adore this show so much. It has just captured my heart in so many ways. It was such a cool surprise to see this post.

Brandon is just the worst.

Louise, Jess and Antonio icked me out. I had no problem with Natalie and Cris being together, but something about Jess and Antonio was just...ick ick ick!

I only recently found out that SS and KdlR are together in real life, that's fun!

Louise: TWO mini-thems! V. exciting.

Oh yeah? Twinsies? Aww!

First thing I thought when I saw that screencap was "Kerri! (or however they spelled it)" I thought, cool, in a small way this blog still has a little remnant of OLTL.

I've missed you and your screencaps, Louise. Nice to have you back. I don't know this show but it was still fun to read cuz YOU'RE BACK!

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