You probably came here expecting a rant on AJ's death*, and Sonny's involvement in it*** and my thoughts on how wasteful it was to bring AJ back from the dead at all**** if they were going to just kill him off*****. But that is not going to happen tonight, because I have moved on from the anger****** phase of grief to the bargaining one.
Because really: if this could be a fakeout--a cheap fakeout, sure. And a temporary fix to audience heartache, because Sean Kanan is leaving either way, so dead or alive, it's not like AJ is going to be gracing our televisions with his presence*******--I would be so happy. I'd be thrilled. I'd be so happy and so thrilled that I'd be willing to swallow any sort of explanation for why he's not actually dead. Any sort.
Guys, I'd even be willing to accept him waking up--from the dead--at the sound of Kiki's voice. Like, if they went ahead and made Kiki legitimately magical, I'd be like "This is totally a fair trade. Now she's REALLY magic instead of merely METAPHORICALLY magic." I'd watch the scenes of Michael and Monica fawning over her without fast forwarding.
If that's not a sign of my desperation/craziness, I don't know what else is.
*Yeah, AJ died. DIED. Because OF COURSE he died. OF COURSE. No offscreen coma for AJ**. No, death. Because that's the Quartermaine way, isn't it--dead? Their family crest probably has a tombstone on it.
**This is clearly because Nina has cornered the market on coma stories. Have we heard Nina's name enough today? No? Okay, I'll try to reach our quota: Nina, Nina, Nina. Nina? Nina!
*** I'm really looking forward to the seven days we're due for of Sonny feeling mild guilt over killing Michael's father. Guilt that is filtered through his "But how do you think this makes me?!?!?!feel?" worldview and peppered with lots of snarling, hateful talk about AJ that is code for "I feel bad for Michael, but this douche was totally asking for it and I'm sort of a hero".
**** EPICALLY WASTEFUL. I can't. I can NOT.
***** This happened. Dead. Dead! DEAD.
****** Ha ha, I am totally laughing at your snarky "Isn't anger your default stage of life?" jokes.
******* Not that he ever even got half the screentime that, like, the name Nina does anyway...