• About Us
  • FAQ
  • Archives
  • Links
  • SOD Columns

Ads

Facebook

  • Serial Drama on Facebook

Subscribe to Serial Drama

  • Add to Google Reader or Homepage

    Subscribe in Bloglines

    Add to My AOL

    Powered by FeedBurner

Shop Amazon.com

  • We'd love it if you would use these links to search or click through to Amazon.com. There is no charge to you and we get credit for linking you. Thanks so much!

    Canadian readers, it works for Amazon.ca too. Search or click here:

« We Are Family | Main | Missed Opportunities Within Missed Opportunities, Smothered In Misery »

March 27, 2014

Nashville: An Open Letter To Scarlett O'Connor

Dear Scarlett,

I wish I could say this was from a big fan, but it's not. Something about your wispy, kewpie-doll shtick drives me nuts. But I like people and I want other humans to be happy and you are so not happy that you are popping pills and trying to get fired from dream jobs and just randomly pouting and contorting yourself angrily and your accent is getting worse and worse.

  Letter to scarlett

You're so ethereal! Or something.

So I just wanted to submit to you my deepest sympathies. I am so sorry that your job isn't amazing. Sure, you're a performing artist and you got signed almost out of nowhere by a country music legend and you got to hand pick your producer and you're opening for a major act and you have thousands of people cheering for you while you perform songs that you wrote yourself and that matter a lot to you personally. But oh my god UGH the hours. Plus executives caring about stuff. Plus you lost a friend (sure, by telling her to get lost, but still!). And producers. And some audience members don't like you and they let you know it. IT IS THE WORST, GIRL. I am so sorry.

I mean I can't totally relate. Sure, at my job today, something really exciting happened: a temp sat in for a woman who sits in a cubicle near me. But this unparalleled thrill was mitigated by the fact that the work itself is mind-numbing and I didn't have any moments that nourished my soul or let me have the creative outlet I spent my whole life dreaming of and working toward. And the job is really boring and doesn't pay very well and doesn't offer any room for advancement or growth or anything. But hey! At least nobody expects me to show up at an after-party or do a radio interview! MY HEART BLEEDS FOR YOU. I think everyone's does, right?

As we all know, we're all promised jobs from birth that are only fulfilling and fun and wealth-inducing and awesome and it's TOTALLY NOT FAIR when there's a downside. That's pretty much what adulthood is, right? (I'm a little older than you, Scarlett, so I can assure you from experience: OMIGOSH THE WORLD OWES YOU MORE. My heart truly goes out to you. It's complete bullshit that you have to put up with hours and expectations and you can't just be having a blast all the time in a way that's comfortable for you. You should be allowed to live the dream just the way the rest of us do. Pure joy with no downside is what adulthood is about for everyone, so if you just complain enough and take enough pills it'll sort itself out because SNOWFLAKE.)

Again with deepest sympathies,

L.

 

P.S. Can you tell the headlining act her fake hair is starting to look like it literally hurts?

Juliettehair

P.P.S. Is there any chance that guy Will who you may have never met is really just bisexual instead of gay and maybe that way it's not really super horrible and sad for everyone involved that he just married a girl person?

He married her

I eagerly await a reply, Miss O'Connor.

 

ADDENDUM: This less-fake open letter in the NY Post to a mildly-less-fake celebrity (who recently endured a bout of conscious uncoupling) came at just the right time and seems hilariously appropos, so I had to share it here.

Comments

Snerk, good one, Louise. Scarlett is the worst, full stop.

Will and Scarlett have in fact met. Remember when he hated Layla because she was mean to his buddy Scarlett? Oh the good ol' days when we weren't supposed to feel bad for Layla.

In closing, I need to loudly call horseshit that Brent (you know, just Layla's manager and Will's ex-lover) wasn't on-screen to weigh in on these doomed nuptuals. Horse. Shit.

Oh of course! Somehow I totally flaked on the fact that Scarlett and Gunnar were together when Will first showed up. Oops!

How does Scarlett manage to stay week in and week out when every character who could drive story -- Lamar, Peggy, Juliette's mother -- is killed off before anything even resembling interesting can ensue?

This show needs to commit to full-tilt, over the top soapy goodness with a side order of forgettable music or close up shop.


That letter to Gwyneth Paltrow is almost as funny as this letter to Scarlett. But at least Scarlett is a fictional person completely tone -deaf to her own good fortune.

I actually shouted out, please just go away while watching that pathetic Scarlett. Passive aggressive spoilt selfish victim mentality. If I were her mother I'd beat her too, for being so bloody annoying!!! I

The comments to this entry are closed.