We Are Family
As hard as the General Hospital commercial narrator tries to convince me that every episode is going to be one that I won't want to miss because it will change Port Charles forever by incorporating twists I never saw coming, I usually don't believe him. This is partly because being a jaded know-it-all is kind of my thing (it's a mostly unintentional thing. I just have facial features that meld together into boredom and disinterest) and mostly because nothing in Port Charles ever changes and many episodes are actually must-misses. My best friend is a much more reliable barometer: she'll text me things like "This show is awful" or "Kiki makes me want to go deaf", but today's "GH was REALLY good today" had me intrigued/nervous that she had hit her head.
She was right: it was like one long trainwreck, in the best possible way.
Tracy: What's going on?
Ric: All hell just broke loose.
Um, to put it mildly! I sincerely hope that the entire cast had throat lozenges handy. And I'm not entirely sure that Kelly Thiebaud will ever get the smeared mascara off of her face. All of the characters involved were acting demented and their actors had their dials firmly turned up to eleven, so the big reveal was crazy people being very loud and pulling ugly faces. I have to stress again that I mean that as a compliment.
Lulu has been acting less than stable for quite a while and I have to say that it hasn't been incredibly interesting. While I'm making confessions, I'd also like to admit that as much as I like Lulu and Dante and Lulu and Dante as a couple, I have found their baby storylines to be...lacking. I had what basically amounted to negative interest in their surrogacy story and while I wanted them to be reunited with Ben, it was more of a mild "I guess it will be nice when that happens" than anything really fervent or emotionally invested. I had a feeling that whenever the big reunion happened it would be, you know, fine.
But when she stomped in to shriek at Britt in front of everyone, I became incredibly interested in both her obvious mental issues and her reunion with Ben. Like, get this tiny lunatic her baby NOW! I've never wanted anything more!
I really enjoyed that over the course of the episode, she calmed down considerably and just stood in the background with big moon eyes while everything hit the fan around her. It somehow made her seem even nuttier. When Dante confronted Britt (he went ALL CAPS And then got choked up and at one point was basically full on weeping) and once he said his peace, loudly and tearfully (I can't stress enough how LOUD everyone was today), she was smiling gleefully! And then it got even weirder, which I hadn't thought possible, BUT!
Dante: We have a son.
Lulu: We have a son.
[In the middle of a room full of people, Dante and Lulu stared into each others eyes, crying]
Dante: I love you so much.
Lulu: God, I love you.
[Then the kissing starts. And the panting. And the audience wondering "Are they seriously just going to have celebratory sex right here? In front of people? Some of whom are emotionally devastated, some of whom are relatives? Are we...was that a sex moan? Please stop]
What you'll probably remember clearest is the sight of Nikolas restraining an absolutely hysterical Britt, who was wailing and primally screaming and giving him quite the run for his money (I would not be surprised if tomorrow's show started with Britt breaking free and making a run for (the, of course, MIA, because leaving him with Obrecht was just a stellar decision, all of you!) Ben with Nikolas panting like twenty paces behind her. It was a memorable moment for sure, but what will really stick with me was the strange gestures she did when she was trying to make Lulu seem crazy at the start of the episode. The stilted way she said "Show us this letter, huh? Show us this letter!" and, like, did the robot? For someone who so often winds up in devious plans, she is absolutely terrible at carrying them out.
Let's count all of the things Nikolas said today that made me scream "HOLY WHOA!" at my television. Someone REALLY does not like to be proven wrong!
Nikolas: I'd like an answer, please.
Elizabeth: You might have to wait a while. Britt doesn't enjoy owning up.
Nikolas: Are you enjoying yourself, Liz?
Elizabeth, her mouth a perfect O of shock: Excuse me?
Nikolas: Seriously, I'm surprised you didn't just waltz in here with a mariachi band.
Nikolas: Come on, don't deny you've been gunning for Britt ever since you found out we were together.
Elizabeth: I couldn't stand your fiancee well before that.
Nikolas, enunciating every HA and really showing off the eloquence that comes with royal breeding: HA HA HA! Oh my god! The hypocrisy right now is, is...what it is is...well, frankly, it's...it's mind blowing. Saint Elizabeth on her pedestal, looking down on us.
Nikolas, at the top of his lungs: How many lies have you told? How many lives have you upended because you were a coward? But yet you stand here and judge the rest of us with a smile on your face?
Elizabeth: You think I'm enjoying this?
Nikolas: You could have fooled me!
Elizabeth: I didn't ask to find that letter, but I did.
Nikolas: Whatever! You couldn't have done it any other way? You had to orchestrate a public scene like this? My god!
Elizabeth: I was just trying to do the right thing.
Nikolas: So what, you want my gratitude? Is that what you want, Liz? You want me to tell you you were right all along, I should have listened to you, I should thank you for coming to my senses? IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
Nikolas: Get the hell out of my house.
Elizabeth: You want me to leave when Britt's the one who's been lying to you?
Nikolas: Yes. Go. Get out of here. JUST GO!
Ric: Let's just grab Cam and let's get out of here. Come on. He's not worth it.
Nikolas: Once again, Ric to the rescue. Hey, don't pass any panic rooms on the way home!
...has Nikolas EVER been this interesting? I'm serious.