If someone were to ask me to recap today's General Hospital (this would be highly unusual, because most people do not watch General Hospital, but there is always the chance that someone watched and became so bored from these 44 minutes of dullness that they fell while standing and when they came to, they had--were blessed with?--amnesia and wanted to know what they had missed out on), I honestly don't know what I'd even say. "People talked. In a few different places. About things...you know, things that are happening and things that already happened. Some people even had feelings about these things. Not Silas, though--judging from his tone of voice, he literally feels no emotion. He could be a robot. Does Sam have a weakness for men who are part cyborg? Did she see Robocop in her formative years? Or did she see the remake? I haven't seen either, so I am sort of ill-equipped to be using it as a joke here especially since, the more I think about it, the less likely it is that she'd have a childhood crush on any sort of crime-fighter. I should have gone with a tried and true Small Wonder reference. Can I recap terrible 80s television for you instead? Let's start with Full House and how all of a sudden Jesse had a new last name and no one batted an eyelash and also, how were all three of those girls blonde?!"
I barely remember anything that happened on today's show. I watched it the whole way through and even paid attention to most of it, but it went in one ear and out the other. There was a pretty stellar scene where Anna told Lulu about when Robin was kidnapped as a child (honestly, why does anyone live in this town? SO MUCH CRIME) and Finola Hughes was her reliably perfect self (true story: I had a dream about lamp shopping, because my subconscious is as sad as you'd expect it to be, and I saw Finola Hughes there, also lamp shopping. And when I woke up, I was really annoyed that I couldn't remember what kind of lamp she was getting, because what if this dream was a very stylish sign from above and I wasted it? Also another true story: I actually in real life saw Christian Siriano lamp shopping. He had like two shopping carts filled with colorful lamps) but other than that...? I have the foggiest of memories.
A few brief thoughts:
- Every time Olivia makes some acid-tongued comment about AJ going to hell for killing Connie, I wonder if we will be treated to a scene once it's revealed (if it's ever revealed) that AJ was innocent. We probably won't, but I like to imagine it, especially if it involves AJ's ghost haunting her and calling her names while she makes gravy..
- Franco WHINING about Carly not trusting him and BEGGING her to tell him a secret and basically being an EMO TEENAGER was just so very.
- The Nina story was resolved just the way we hoped it would be: like, it being resolved at all is exactly what I wanted, so I consider this a win. The amount of interest I had in any of this was negative. I am less interested in Nina and her family than Sonny was in Ben's whereabouts and when you consider how quickly he got Olivia to change the subject back to him and his sad pain about "Michael", that is saying something. Nathan and Silas were...sad, I guess? To hear the truth about Nina and her baby (there is no way that child is not alive and a deadly dull adult who will swan into Port Charles and wind up with the most airtime of any actor on the show)--I couldn't really tell, they were both so stoic/robotic throughout. If I cared more, I'd have side-eyed Madeline's dramatic "Every day since she went into the coma, I've wanted to kill myself!" declaration, since not only did she NOT kill herself but she also was fine with her son obsessively investigating Silas for the crime she committed.
- Dr. Obrecht and Madeline have a history with each other? How fascinating (did that come across as snide? It was supposed to. SUPER SNIDE. Because I do not care and am pre-disdainful of every second of it).
- Maxie's back! I was excited for exactly eight seconds and now I am just worried about what's coming up for her.