Brief Musings on Nashville: All Or Nothing With Me
I have to say I'm still ruminating over this most recent episode. Do I not have much to joke around about because it was so solid? Or is because it was just kind of bland? I haven't really decided yet. But one thing I do know: how dare they not give me something to mock or lambaste?! What is my function in the world now? I am so lost, somebody please hold me.
Here are some things I learned in this episode.
Kellie Pickler is still a thing!
This surprised me, though I have no reason to assume I'd know anything about the state of popular music today. I think I've purchased music 16 times since 1997, and really the only reason I have any idea who she is is that I once covered American Idol for another, far inferior website.
Also and more importantly, America!
I have to admit the most amusing part of this for me was how much effort ABC put into promoting Michelle Obama's appearance on the episode --
-- and then hilariously outright cut away from her during her entire speech so that different characters could have conversations about their storylines, with her giantly looming in the background.
Was that maybe a little bit of, "Well, our audience might overlap with country music's audience and they might be turned off by having to watch this Kenyan Muslim's uppity wife blathering on about socialist fake-patriotism so we'll put it there just in case but not really emphasize it" (please know I'm just being ridiculous and don't yell at me in the comments for it), which was probably followed by, "OH MY GOD BUT WHAT ABOUT OUR GAY STORYLINE who is our demographic who are we what is the meaning of life please please we're confused and frightened and so okay we'll alternate gay weeks everything's fixed!"
Or something. Maybe.
Where was I? Oh yes, Luke felt forgiving and patriotic and so he performed with Juliette, and probably helped rehab her image by doing her "controversial" song with her.
Gotta admit I do find that "Don't Put Dirt On My Grave Just Yet" song awfully catchy.
Poor Juliette woke up hungover and guilty after her drunken hate-sex with Jeff Fordham, who is now blackmailing her by threatening to tell Avery she cheated on him unless she re-signs with Jeff's record company. Oh, Oliver Hudson, you scamp! This is deliciously soapy.
Add to it that both Gunnar and Zoey know what happened, but if they tell their buddy Avery the truth they risk their own sweet gigs with Juliette (Gunnar as songwriting partner, Zoey as backup singer). D'oh!
And on top of that, Will has met a hot personal trainer he wants a piece of. PTILF? He's sick and tired of wifey and all that vadge, so he's booked a private training session ifyouknowwhatImean. Fantastic!
Maddie spent more time with Deacon, who told Rayna she was right to lie about the paternity because he'd been such a train wreck at the time. We had to visit him in AA to learn more about this. I have a long-term love/hate relationship with the way television and film use AA meetings (and rarely depicts them as they actually are) as an alternative to self-monologues or voice-overs or, you know, subtext. But it all did lead to a bit of softening between Deacon and Conrad as Conrad shared the story of Maddie's birth. (Which then led to Deacon performing with Rayna and her daughters, which led to a grumpy look from Luke, who used the l-word with Rayna this week. For the first time? I guess. She said it back, but please.)
And that's it!
Okay, fine, must I? Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Scarlett. Scarlett waited tables for a night at the Bluebird and then decided not to. Some couple expressed fandom and sympathy to her, which I guess is TOO MUCH TO TAKE if you're a delicate special flower, so she's planned to go off and depend on the kindness of strangers by leaving Nashville. Oh, if we could only be so lucky. I mean it seems the obvious choice -- a lead character on this show about people in the music business has decided not to be a person in the music business, so yes. PLEASE LEAVE. Also please let unicorns bring me lots of tax-free money and also world peace and flying donkeys.