The 2014 Daytime Emmys Live-Blogging Extravaganza
The biggest television night of the year is here! Okay. The most important television broadcast is... oh hell, I don't know. They're having a small party and handing out some statues and streaming it online and calling it the Daytime Emmys. I have volunteered to take the hit and subject myself to it so you don't have to, or so you'll watch knowing at least one other human is out there dealing with it. "Extravaganza" can be interpreted as ironically as you please.
Sadly, Mallory will have to sit this year out but I'm sure she'll be somewhere feeling really jealous of the rest of us gluttons for punishment. And as some of you know, I haven't been watching any of the daytime soaps this year but since these awards are for the 2013 season, I'll actually sort of know what's going on. Well, 5% of the time since the rest will presumably be about talk shows and children's television.
So come join me back here at 8pm Eastern time tonight and we'll go through this together!
This time I'm just doing it the old-fashioned way, so you'll have to keep refreshing the screen to get the new comments (instead of the rolling live feed we've sometimes had).
6:18pm Hey y'all! So the red carpet is already streaming so it'll be slow-going at this point because I'm not all that interested in this part. But I'll check in from time to time between now and the main event, so if you're watching, start sounding off in the comments below!
What fresh hell is this? Who are these ladies doing the red carpet interviews? The very first thing I saw was them telling an actor he needed to get away or else they were going to RAPE HIM. No, they really said that. It's out there in the world. So I see we're setting the tone for the night: classy!
6:24pm "Oh my god how great are dads??"
We're channeling Proust here, people.
In case anyone needs the link to the live-stream: http://www.daytimeemmys.net/
I missed the beginning. Did they say anything about who these "professional reporters" are? Is this part of a test run for an unpaid internship, I hope?
6:31pm They want to nominate Heather Tom's boobies for an award. Because classy.
Kim Matula just used more gestures in answering four questions on the red carpet than she has in her entire tenure as Hope Logan on B&B. I'm just saying.
Kristen Alderson's dress is radioactive. My eyes hurt!
That photo doesn't really do the blinding-ness justice. But it's bright, is my point.
6:43pm So basically the gist is that these women are going to tell everyone how thin they look and how amazing that is. Feminism is alive and well, people. I feel like I'm at a bad sorority party. I don't mind that they're crass potty-mouths (in fact, that's my default state) but not when it's so utterly vapid and insincere. I half expect them to start greeting grown women with, "Hey slut, oh god, I hate you, look how hot that dress is, bitch! I die."
6:51pm Well, they basically had no idea who Jason Thompson is. Only one of the best actors in daytime by a country mile, but they just filled a few seconds with random blathering that had nothing to do with him.
My feed just died. Temporarily? I don't know. But I'm not complaining.
7:00pm Zack Conroy remains adorable. B&B viewers, do they still give him absolutely nothing to do these days?
I got restless during some buffering.
This broadcast had devolved my sense of humor into that of a four-year-old.
Also, Finola Hughes is a goddess.
7:10pm I hope the booze is flowing at the nominee tables tonight. For their sakes and ours.
Are other people having a hard time with the live-feed?
7:19pm So this woman thought Kassie DePaiva and Greg Vaughan were a couple, so, you know.
DePaiva's such a great company gal. I miss watching her! How's she doing as Eve so far?
MD in the comments has figured it out. This is all retribution for Jerry verDorn's non-nomination!
Holy crap, they're discussing race on soap operas right now. Because really, that's not at all a sensitive topic that's totally inappropriate for this occasion! I want to go hide now. I think that's what I'll do.
(I really like Jen Lilley's dress. I don't say that often because I don't know/care all that much about fashion, but I dig that one. I'd get a screencap but again... buffering.)
7:30pm I do kind of love that everyone's swearing. Except the interviewers, I hate everything they say. Especially the brunette in the black dress.
Giuliana Rancic has won the Fan Favorite award. I'm confused.
Red carpet chick thinks that Tuc Watkins and Jen Pepperman are a couple. So that happened.
7:52pm Hey GH viewers, who is this woman who says she's playing an attorney on the show now? How long has she been around and who is her character related to?
I love how my Twitter feed right now alternates between snarky nicknames for these ladies and "GOAL!"
I love the spin here. "We totally decided to put the show online-only this year to be edgy and contemporary!" Hahahahahahahaha.
8:05pm It's supposed to be showtime, but my screen is black.
8:08pm And we have lift-off! It took Kathy Griffin about eight seconds to drop her first f-bomb. Where did she find that restraint? She opened with a story about a soap starlet getting wasted at last year's awards. It was pretty innocuous, but I'm already having more fun than I have watching this show in years.
8:15pm First award! Billy Bush (right?) presents OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR. They're actually showing performance clips!!! Praise the internets!
It goes to Eric Martsolf. Will they get to talk for more than 8 seconds now that there aren't commercials? Aww, his wife is all weepy. And yes, they're actually letting him talk. What a novel idea, producers-of-the-last-few-years!
8:21pm OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS goes to (please Jane Elliot, please please?).....
Amelia Heinle. Well, all right. She's lovely.
And they're letting her talk, too! Seriously, this makes me really happy. Even if nobody I'm rooting for wins, at least they're treating the whole thing with a little more kindness, both with the clips and the actual acceptance speeches.
8:27pm Something called The Mind of a Chef won for OUTSTANDING CULINARY PROGRAM. I think that was the category, I got confused. If this isn't going to be a shit-show like years past, what is my role here? How can I snark? This is hard, you guys!
OUTSTANDING CULINARY HOST goes to Bobby Flay, who isn't there. Possibly he showed up at the red carpet and ran quickly the hell out of there.
8:32pm My feed punked out so I don't know what happened. A court show won something? The People's Court won, which I can tell from the strolling-to-the-stage music.
8:33pm A.C. Slater (sorry, I mean Mario Lopez, the host of Extra) presents OUTSTANDING GAME SHOW HOST. Apparently there's a show called The American Bible Challenge. Anyway, Steve Harvey wins and had better things to do, but a colleague of his does go up to offer up thanks to some folks.
8:36pm OUTSTANDING TALK SHOW HOST is a tie between Dr. Oz and Katie Couric. Hilariously, neither of them showed up. Good! More air time for soap-related stuff!
8:38pm OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES WRITING TEAM goes to The Young & the Restless. I'm so happy this show has never changed their theme song, it still takes me back to being a little kid and listening to Y&R on the radio because I wasn't allowed to watch TV. (I hope everyone read the second half of that sentence because I'm not that old. I mean it was weird that I was listening to it instead of watching, okay??) I wish they'd shown some show clips for this category, too. I'm not a Y&R viewer but I wonder what they submitted.
8:41pm Kim Matula and Scott Clifton and Darren something do a silly little (but cute) bit about direction before presenting the OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES DIRECTING TEAM Emmy to One Life to Live.
Y'all! One Life to Live won a thing! YAAAAAAAAAY! They only had to get canceled twice to finally win a major award!
Kathy Griffin comes out to tell the well-worn story that Susan Lucci hated Sarah Michelle Gellar and had her fired after Gellar won an Emmy. It's awkward in that room, but mostly because that's not news to anyone!
8:47pm Aisha Tyler and Darlene Conner come out to present OUTSTANDING YOUNGER ACTRESS to Hunter King from The Young & the Restless. Is she good? (Y'all know who I was hoping wouldn't get it, but now I feel mean even bringing that up.)
OUTSTANDING YOUNGER ACTOR involves lots of clips of angry young men. Oh and also a gay wedding! Speaking of which, the award goes to Chandler Massey. He doesn't have much to say, although he does make a joke about the fact that the clip they showed had HIS REPLACEMENT ACTOR IN IT. D'oh!
I noticed a few of you expressing bummed-out-ness about Kelley Missal not winning and I just wanted to echo that. I was rooting for her, she grew so much as a performer on the revamp of OLTL.'
8:56pm Mo Rocca presents something to Steve Harvey. I'm not sure what the award is because didn't he already win something? Oh, or is this for his whole show? I keep getting a little lost in the middle of commentary and screencap-making and the fact that there are no commercial breaks to collect my brain! Which I like, but I also don't like. Kind of like award shows.
Holy crap, they're doing some of the Spanish awards in tonight's broadcast! That's so cool. Somebody from Univision wins and I am not going to embarrass myself or any Spanish speakers by making an attempt to spell it here.
9:02pm OUTSTANDING TALK SHOW - ENTERTAINMENT goes to The Ellen DeGeneres Show. She's not there but her team is. They pretty much win this almost every year, right? I love Ellen for a million reasons but this seems like a good time to take a quick break. There are 348 people climbing onto that stage.
9:08pm Good Morning America won something while I was out of the room. Some smug guy goes up and says he was hoping they wouldn't win so he wouldn't have to go up there. I'm sure that makes all the people who didn't win feel great.
OUTSTANDING MORNING PROGRAM - SPANISH goes to Un Nueva Dia. I have no idea if I spelled that right, but I'm going to use deductive reasoning to translate that as "A New Day." Am I warm? The producer is impressed that the hosts and crew get up early to do a morning show.
9:12pm A very thin severe-looking blond woman comes out to present OUTSTANDING GAME SHOW to Jeopardy. Wow! What an upset! No one was expecting that! This must be their very first win ever! You have to love an underdog.
OUTSTANDING SPECIAL CLASS SPECIAL (that's a thing) goes to Y&R for their Jeanne Cooper tribute. Nice! I didn't actually see that and I meant to. Worst soap blogger ever.
9:19pm Kelly Monaco, Michelle Stafford, and Jason Thompson come out and introduce themselves before introducting OUTSTANDING ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM - SPANISH to...
Wait, I got distracted by Kelly Monaco's rack.
It goes to something called Clicks, I think?
Kelly Monaco is deliciously disgusted by having to present the first OUSTANDING ENTERTAINMENT NEWS Emmy in the history of ever, and suggests she flash us to make TMZ happy.
DON'T THREATEN US WITH A GOOD TIME, MONACO!
Anyway there's a tie, starting with Entertainment Tonight. Ending with Extra. Wow. I really couldn't care less about this stuff, but they deserve their little basking moment as much as anyone so I'll just sit here and shut up. Maybe. A.C. Slater is taking his sweet time getting to the stage.
9:31pm Sharon Osbourne and Sheryl Underwood show up to present. "I feel like I've been here for five fucking hours," says Ozzy Osbourne's wife, suggesting everyone should get wasted, throw up in the toilet, and go home and fuck everyone they work with. Because this isn't being televised. Well, she is the best thing to happen to the Daytime Emmys!
They are presenting OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR to .... (Jason Thompson Jason Thompson Jason Thompson????) (Yeah, I know, it's a pipe dream that keeps disappointing me year after year)
Sigh. Billy Miller. Again. Right? Hasn't he gotten it a lot? Well, at least we got to hear how many blow jobs Sheryl Underwood has given today!
Well, Jason Thompson, you won Serial Drama's OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR award again. And you'll keep winning it. What were the voters even.... oh, hell. Who knows. They voted for their favorite friend. Or something.
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS goes to Eileen Davidson.
She's the one on both Y&R and DAYS right now, isn't she? Good year. But really, congratulations to her because this is her first win ever and she's been at this for a long-ass time.
9:41pm Donna Mills comes out to present OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES - NEW APPROACHES, which goes to Venice, the Series. Yay! I've never seen it but I like a lot of people involved. (I actually just started watching Beacon Hill today, my first foray into this approach to soaps. I like it, but the episodes are so short!)
And in a total non-upset, OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES goes to The Young & the Restless.
Wow. So this means a complete shutout for both B&B and GH. I wonder when that last happened. It's been a while. And since those two plus OLTL were my only shows last year, this all meant very little to me other than the directing win. That said, as messy as this was, I have to say I prefer this approach of actually showing clips and giving people time for acceptance speeches TENFOLD over the nonsense we've seen on TV the last few years where it's just one big long cheesy advertisement. And obviously the red carpet was CRAPTASTIC. But the show itself was geared toward what was actually happening in the room, which sure, made for some technical screw-ups (and most shamefully showing the wrong actor in Chandler Massey's clip), but really... this was fine. I'm not particularly happy about the results, but that's a separate animal entirely.
I enjoyed Kathy basically walking up and telling Phelps to shut the fuck up. And it's over before 9:50pm!!