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« Please Don't Be Foreshadowing | Main | Back (Exhaustedly) From Outer Space »

August 07, 2014

Precisely What No One Needed

If you were to look at General Hospital in a charitable light (I know, it's weird to me that I typed that, too. I approach very few things charitably--my default state is usually a blend of judgment and skepticism, which probably doesn't make me a very happy person but DOES mean that I have an A++ eyebrow raise. I don't exactly know what came over me), you could technically say that they are giving the people what they want.

I mean, how long have I been clamoring for more Quartermaines? Since always, basically; every chance I have, I demand more Quartermaines. And we've gotten...well, we've gotten more scenes that are Quartermaine-related. It's just that, somehow, a story about Alice's heart has become a showcase for Michael and Morgan and goddamn Kiki and you guys, I can't handle that. I don't even like Alice, aside for a mild appreciation that Alice scenes mean one or more Quartermaines will appear onscreen and even that appreciation is hidden under a few layers of irritation at the whole shtick but honestly, I hate Kiki so much that I can't even hear people talk when she's onscreen; everything is muffled by the sound of my inner monologue saying "Why? Why is she on this show? Why is she so terrible? WHY?!"

Although not even my righteously annoyed inner monologue could drown this out:

Alice: I've got Miss Lila to take care of, and Mr. Edward and Dr. Alan, and Miss Emily and Mr Jason. And Mr. AJ and Mr. Justus...

"Isn't it HILARIOUS that one of the long-standing families on this show was basically decimated over the years? We totally killed all of them off as cheap sweeps stunts and brought some of them back as ghosts, which were even cheaper stunts. We have so many shenanigans, you guys. Do we at least get a high-five for shouting out Justus? We totally read up on GH history, for real!"

And we all wanted more Robin, because she was written out in probably the worst way possible. And...well, we got more Robin. With an awful haircut and an even more awful story and honestly, can we discuss Victor for a second? Isn't he a noted Evil Person, with Evil Plans and Criminal Acts? Shouldn't he have henchmen? It seems like his Scarsdale (!) clinic is crawling with henchmen, but when he needs to send a message to Robin that he can control her through threats to hurt her family even though, from their conversation today, it sounds like she's capitulating to his control entirely and following all of his orders but whatever, probably because of the aforementioned Evil Plans and Criminal Acts, he has the bright idea to run Patrick off the road and has RAFE do it. Because an Evil Person with millions of dollars at his disposal and lackeys all over the damn place would OBVIOUSLY turn to a TEENAGER with a DRUG PROBLEM. Because TEENAGERS with DRUG PROBLEMS are SO EXCELLENT AT FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS.  OBVIOUSLY.

"You said you wanted Robin!" "I didn't say I wanted Robin's scenes to be terrible." "Well, maybe you should have specified that you wanted them to be good." "ISN'T THAT IMPLIED IN THE WISH ITSELF?" "Why do you screen so much?!"

But I cannot--and I have tried--understand why the show would do...the thing that happened at the 30 minute mark. The thing that I don't want to talk about but I HAVE TO. I need to get my feelings out. It's like an emotional cleansing: guys, Sonny and Carly talked at length about the time that he shot her in the head and then he kissed her and it was AWFUL. It was so AWFUL and GROSS. Do they have fans? Maybe they have a fan, and that fan was like "Finally!" and I am happy for that person/hopeful that they are under scientific observation because that is some fascinating brain activity there, but the rest of the world was shocked and horrified and couldn't even appreciate its merciful end because the end of the kiss led to Carly declaring her love for Franco, which is bad enough, but that made Sonny laugh uproariously and I hate agreeing with Sonny and also, when Carly pointed out that Sonny loves ("loves") Olivia, he responded with "Well...yeah, but..." and it was as douchey as you'd imagine. All of it was awful and bad. Can we never speak of it again? Thank you in advance (and I am sorry if any of you were reading this while eating dinner).

Comments

LW towers over MB, so I have no idea why we must see Sonny slobbering on Carly. Blech.

TIIC are doing their best to push Kiki and even Morgan as Quartermaine's in the hopes that fans don't notice their slick moves.

Alice. Alice belongs in random scenes throughout the year and NOT in a major story. Where the heck is Monica?!

This Alice thing is genuinely creepy. It's bad enough giving all this story and airtime to yet another extra/dayplayer, but really, she lives to serve and finds no other joy in life except to mop Michael's floors and wipe Tracy's mouth? Ron's been watching too much Downton Abbey. Doing this story to prop kiki sucks, but if you're gonna do a story about a dayplayer at least give her a few more layers than a caricature out of the 50's. She'll go into a coma and only regain the will to live when they rush a vacuum and frilly maid's cap to her bedside.

Thank you for giving me a place to vent about Robin and Patrick's scenes. I agree with most of what you said, except for the haircut, I like it on her. Maybe it was the lab coat or something that it look bad.I've seen pics on her twitter etc and it looks better there.

Anyway, I wanted her to yell at him when he said he wanted a divorce!! DR LISA NILES yelling!! Patrick was truly nasty to her and I get he is upset but it still makes no sense considering he was ready to leave to AFRICA for said baby (who in the end was probably not his. I still say it was Carrrrrlos's kid). Then he says how Sam was there for him.....did he forget Elizabeth was there too??

And if he could see through his anger for 5 seconds he would have seen she was lying through her teeth to him.Even though as you said this whole SL makes no sense....she really should be working at Mercy and popping in to have Scrubs moments and Patrick having a MEDICAL SL...or even this ridiculous PI story with Sam. We Scrub fans deserved better....

I do not want Patrick with Sam....especially when Jason is coming and she is not over Silas yet.

That's all of now, lol. Thanks again Serial Drama!!

Oh Mallory, that was glorious and spot-on and hilarious.

I refuse to watch any scene with Sonny in it. I truly hate to be personal, but I find Maurice unwatchable.

In addition to more Quartermaines (and yes, the list of dead Quatermaines was a reminder of the decades of horrible this show has been) and more Robin, unfortunately we've been given more mob, which I have never wanted.

I just can't find fault with Patrick in any of this. Robin has been made pitiful and weak and kind of stupid, which isn't true to her character at all. (I do like the hair cut, though.) But Patrick is hardly to blame. The blame belongs with the writers, as usual. Victor is like a cartoon. Actually, most of GH is cartoonish.

Takes about 10 minutes to watch the show. The fast forward button is my best friend.

I found Sonny/Carly more infinitely entertaining than Carly/Franco so I didn't hate it just for that. Plus I enjoy Sonny's disdain for Franco, not gonna lie.

I'll cut them slack about Robin's hair. That kim's fault. But everything else about it, yup, their fault. Including shoving Robin into the most unflattering outfit they could find.

I thought maybe Robin was hiding her pregnancy and knew Victor would have killed her family if she did not finish thawing out crazy dead Helena and Stavros.

I'll admit I've never been a Patrick or Scrubs fan, but his attitude is ridiculous. After everything he's put her through over the years, including sleeping with the woman who screwed with her meds and almost killed her? Shut up, buddy. You've got no right to yell at her about anything, ever. Move on if you want but get off the damn soapbox already.

I really wish this show weren't a silly cartoon and Victor could lay off the mustache twirling and go have reasonable, normal, lower key but still dramatic soapy fights with Anna and Jordan and Dante over Robin and the Cassadines taking over the WSB.

Thanks for the warning. I was sort of looking forward to Robins return but I wish Kim would realize that this is FrankenRons way of demonizing Robin because she won't stay. These two write like sixth grade mean girls. So Patrick is angry because Robin didn't get home to hold his other hand about the baby. Doesn't he remember when he didn't believe Lisa was trying to kill Robin.So JAson is dead this week We should only be so lucky. Morgan and Kikki are now Quartermains. ? But I guess Monica went to a party to celebrate Alice's heart problem?I will now go to my DVR delete this and all the other shows I have been avoiding. Thanks again for the warning !

I tried to drown out everything that happened after Carly told Sonny that she doesn't hold him responsible for shooting her while she was in labor, and she forgives him for it. Forget about the fact that Michael was in a coma for a year because of Sonny, that was probably the most ridiculous thing that Carly has said, along with Olivia forgiving Sonny for shooting Dante while he was unarmed. And can we talk about how icky and unsexy Jordan and Shawn's sex scene was? They have about as much chemistry as paste.

Jordan has chemistry with Julian, but Shawn (IMO) is a huge bore.

OMG, it's not just me about Jordan & Shawn. I just don't see it, yet so many people do and will not hush about it. They're not hot together; beautiful, sure, but Julian & Jordan have better chemistry IMO. (Please, soap gods, save Alexis from Julian's D. She hasn't got the brain cells to spare.)

I'm so glad I've been skipping this show. I love Robin too much and generally dislike Patrick too much to put up with his crap. I don't care about his dead baby, like, at all. I don't care about Nurse Shortcake. I don't caaaare about his deep and ever-present manpain. I care about Emma and I want to see Robin with Emma, apologizing profusely and giving her a million butterfly kisses. Patrick can hook up with Sam or whatever--they can be pretty on the backburner where they'll end up anyway.

I love Alice. I do not love Alice enough to tolerate Kiki and Michael for more than thirty seconds.

Lulu & Dante are having another baby. We need another plague and it needs to start with those two (or just Lulu, I'm not picky). Give Ben back to Britt because she was far more tolerable plus baby than sans baby. Her Nik obsession is effing embarrassing.

Honestly, somebody just needs to fix this show. For all that the ratings are through the roof, the writing is worst than ever. We've gone back to the CarSon well of all things, my god, the only pairing almost as loathsome as Carly/Franco. It's a game of soap opera chicken: what will be turned off first, the viewer or their TV set?

Robin managed to age about twenty years with that haircut. As for the storyline, could those two have forced that scene any more? I half-expected them to break down and start giggling.

Regency, the ratings are through the roof? Really?

I have to agree with uliis, I'd rather see Sonny/Carly than Carly/Franco. And I do love Sonny's total disdain for Franco and the way he needles him.

As for Monica, in SOD RC said Leslie Charleson was on a cruise so he couldn't include Monica in the Alice hospital scenes. However, he also said, "I love Monica; she should be on all the time!" Well, why don't you write for her more then? Perhaps because you have a cast of thousands and can't write decent stories for the revolving door the show has become. You can't please everyone, so I really think they need to cut way back on the number of characters and stories and focus more on a few well-chosen ones where we can have character-driven stories, rather than plot points to merely get from A to B.

Forget Dr.O as COS, and give the job over to Monica and Leslie which would be a nod to history since their characters were once rivals. RC talks a good game, but in the end it's the budget (FV) and pets that rule the day.

Don't like Sonny and Carly either. But I think their conversation was a clue to who Fluke may be. I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this but since everyone in the GH world who is supposed to be dead but isn't, I think Fluke is Alcazar. There were yeats in the 90s when I didn't watch GH. Wasn't Alcazar involved with Brenda Barrett? Just a thought.

Alcazar was involved with Carly, so the Sonny hate would be big, and then he had Jason shoot him so maybe it's him.
I agree Monica should be COS. It's only fair and makes sense as far as history goes too, so if he like LC that much, he should do it. If they cut way back on the cast, they could afford the really good actors, and the interesting ones too. Character driven stories only!! But I am dreaming I guess.

I hated the show when it was Carly and Sonny, Jason and Sam and a few others. . . It was repetative and boring. I like having more characters, and I like that they can go places with the storyline and aren't stuck with a pairing just because they're the only people of an age on the cast.

Do I like Carly and Sonny together, no. But it can (has on rare occasions in the past) made for good story. I kinda like the chem between Nina and Franco, and this whole robin story is just so Patrick won't feel the need to tell Sam about Jason when he develops feelings for her, so the road is cleared for that relationship.

I think Alexis and Julian have oodles of chemistry, and like them together even though it's apparently in danger of destroying her one functioning brain cell where men are concerned. I like Jordan. Don't like Shawn. Like Olivia and Ned together. Nathan is getting better and better.

I'm gonna remain positive for now. There's lots I don't like and I do ff through, but there's still stuff I like!

I don't think this show has ever been more repetitive than it is now. It's the same thing every day. On top of everything else that's wrong with it, Ron is obviously bored and doesn't want to write, Lulu, blagh blagh blagh babies. Sam and Patrick have the same conversation over and over. It's like there are no more characters anymore, just cyphers stuck in the same boring cycle of recycled scripts.

It's just constant clunky, awkward, repetitive exposition, imo. In case you fell asleep yesterday, we'll recap in awkward dialogue. In case you forget what happened the last time these characters were featured, 4 months ago, please enjoy this awkward recap. Oh and here's a roundup of everything that happened off-screen, which is everything that happens.

The fact that ReRon's absolute favorite characters are Spencer and Dr. O, one note characters who haven't had anything new to say since 1943 and repeat themselves 3900 times in one scene tells the story.

Oy, thanks for reminding me, trippyjr. ;0) Blagh blagh blagh Faison, blagh blagh blagh killed, blagh blagh Emma, blagh blagh peasants. There's also Felix, Sabrina, Olivia, Nina, and a bunch of others just treading the same ground over and over and over.

God this show is so boring. Rick and Rafe are both "dead" and neither has had a damn memorial service. But we get days and days of Sam and Patrick having boring words. Sonny being dropped by Olivia and he immediately is panting after Carly. Damn, I ALMOST feel sorry for Carly. Almost. And I refuse to believe that Jax would EVER allow his child to call Sonny "Uncle Sonny". And how wonderful it is that Spencer(who has spent all of 20 minutes with Sonny before this year) also feels ever so close to Scummy. I dislike Spencer so much right now, that I kind of hope that he finds out that his wonderful DEAD mother wasn't married to his father at the time of his birth. So she was a cheating lying horrible woman. Yes. I hate the SkipperBitch.

I still don't buy this whole stupid Spencer hates Elizabeth crap either. After Emily's demise, she was his sole mother figure until Nik left for Europe with Leslie. Which wasn't until months after Jake died. Not that I like how they write Cam either. I could buy a Cam/Spencer rivalry. Easy way? Cam be the athletic awesome brother. Spencer the quiet spoiled smarty pants. Believable that princely Nik would raise a kid like that. Hell, Nik WAS that kid. Cam being Liz's oldest pride and joy could easily be her own Steven Lars. But to just have them bratty over Emma Scorpio Drake? Stupid.

Nominating who Fluke really is? Perhaps another member Lily's mob family? They should all have hatred in their hearts and souls towards Sonny. Frank Smith still alive? Another Cassadine?

Sam and Patrick? Same damn dialog over and over. Silas? Being berated for not immediately believing St. Patrick of the OR WOULD NEVER KILL a patient. Even one who caused the accident that caused the premature birth of his baby. Even though he did seriously think about it and had like a 10 minute far off look while "performing" brain surgery. Rafe? Still dead. And apparently stuck in the morgue. Since he still hasn't been buried. Nice to see that Lucy has completely forgotten poor Rafe.

God. I can't stand to watch the Lulu/Maxie and guys crap. Lulu and Maxie just should never be friends again. When you destroy your best friend's life and lie about her baby, you just can't go back. I don't care how much people love them as pals. That storyline was just too much.

And Maxie and Britt's brother are the couple to root for? Couldn't care less if they were Sonny and well, any name here.

Can't get into Liz and Nik until the show makes up their damn mind about LiRic. I miss Ric sooooo much! :_(

And DAMN this show for completely screwing over Robin. She has been a hour away? Leaving her husband and little girl to freaking try to animate Jason? JASON? God I hate Jason.

If I have to deal with Jason being brought back to life ala Frankenstein, then why not the adorableness of Jake? They need something to keep Jasonstein under their control. A living Jake would do just that.

And heaven help me. I too liked Ned and Olivia. Ned keeping her from drunk adopting all of the PC shelter dogs was funny. Something that doesn't happen too often lately.

Please put Carly and Sonny together. Then I never have to watch their scenes :) I fast forward Lulu all the time, even with Dante (who I like). Shawn and Jordan put me to sleep. I like Robin's hair-do. It looks very cute on her.

Magic Milo and Epiphany????!!!!! OMG this show has finally jumped the shark. It's not just boring, its crossed over into bizarre.
Yes, Carly and Sonny together4ever..instant FF material. I like Robins's hair too..cute. Patrick without Robin..he loses all spark, and I dont know why because the actor is very talented. I guess they bring out the best in each other.
Do not like Ned and Olivia. I just dont want her anywhere near anyone but Dante. Otherwise her character just feels forced, and all of her love interests as well, forced.
It annoys me when Nik and Liz get all judgmental about Britt's sins, when both of them are cheaters who have caused much pain to others. their sins are no better.

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