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« Please Don't Be Foreshadowing | Main | Back (Exhaustedly) From Outer Space »

August 07, 2014

Precisely What No One Needed

If you were to look at General Hospital in a charitable light (I know, it's weird to me that I typed that, too. I approach very few things charitably--my default state is usually a blend of judgment and skepticism, which probably doesn't make me a very happy person but DOES mean that I have an A++ eyebrow raise. I don't exactly know what came over me), you could technically say that they are giving the people what they want.

I mean, how long have I been clamoring for more Quartermaines? Since always, basically; every chance I have, I demand more Quartermaines. And we've gotten...well, we've gotten more scenes that are Quartermaine-related. It's just that, somehow, a story about Alice's heart has become a showcase for Michael and Morgan and goddamn Kiki and you guys, I can't handle that. I don't even like Alice, aside for a mild appreciation that Alice scenes mean one or more Quartermaines will appear onscreen and even that appreciation is hidden under a few layers of irritation at the whole shtick but honestly, I hate Kiki so much that I can't even hear people talk when she's onscreen; everything is muffled by the sound of my inner monologue saying "Why? Why is she on this show? Why is she so terrible? WHY?!"

Although not even my righteously annoyed inner monologue could drown this out:

Alice: I've got Miss Lila to take care of, and Mr. Edward and Dr. Alan, and Miss Emily and Mr Jason. And Mr. AJ and Mr. Justus...

"Isn't it HILARIOUS that one of the long-standing families on this show was basically decimated over the years? We totally killed all of them off as cheap sweeps stunts and brought some of them back as ghosts, which were even cheaper stunts. We have so many shenanigans, you guys. Do we at least get a high-five for shouting out Justus? We totally read up on GH history, for real!"

And we all wanted more Robin, because she was written out in probably the worst way possible. And...well, we got more Robin. With an awful haircut and an even more awful story and honestly, can we discuss Victor for a second? Isn't he a noted Evil Person, with Evil Plans and Criminal Acts? Shouldn't he have henchmen? It seems like his Scarsdale (!) clinic is crawling with henchmen, but when he needs to send a message to Robin that he can control her through threats to hurt her family even though, from their conversation today, it sounds like she's capitulating to his control entirely and following all of his orders but whatever, probably because of the aforementioned Evil Plans and Criminal Acts, he has the bright idea to run Patrick off the road and has RAFE do it. Because an Evil Person with millions of dollars at his disposal and lackeys all over the damn place would OBVIOUSLY turn to a TEENAGER with a DRUG PROBLEM. Because TEENAGERS with DRUG PROBLEMS are SO EXCELLENT AT FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS.  OBVIOUSLY.

"You said you wanted Robin!" "I didn't say I wanted Robin's scenes to be terrible." "Well, maybe you should have specified that you wanted them to be good." "ISN'T THAT IMPLIED IN THE WISH ITSELF?" "Why do you screen so much?!"

But I cannot--and I have tried--understand why the show would do...the thing that happened at the 30 minute mark. The thing that I don't want to talk about but I HAVE TO. I need to get my feelings out. It's like an emotional cleansing: guys, Sonny and Carly talked at length about the time that he shot her in the head and then he kissed her and it was AWFUL. It was so AWFUL and GROSS. Do they have fans? Maybe they have a fan, and that fan was like "Finally!" and I am happy for that person/hopeful that they are under scientific observation because that is some fascinating brain activity there, but the rest of the world was shocked and horrified and couldn't even appreciate its merciful end because the end of the kiss led to Carly declaring her love for Franco, which is bad enough, but that made Sonny laugh uproariously and I hate agreeing with Sonny and also, when Carly pointed out that Sonny loves ("loves") Olivia, he responded with "Well...yeah, but..." and it was as douchey as you'd imagine. All of it was awful and bad. Can we never speak of it again? Thank you in advance (and I am sorry if any of you were reading this while eating dinner).

Comments

@ I agree with your opinion of GH save Nik and Liz having no right to be judgmental of Britt. Her sins of stealing Lulu & Dante's baby, birthing the baby and raising the child as her own exceeds anything Nik or Liz has ever done. Cheating is bad but kidnapping as well as falsifying medical records and knowingly aiding Maxie in keeping the secret of miscarrying Lulu/Dante's baby...I think that is so much worse. Besides, Britt is too whiny and pathetic now, either going to her "mudder" or taking direction from a (really obnoxious) 7 year old.

Epiphany and Milo will go one of two ways. It will either be one excuse to make cruel jokes at her expense (remember Kanan) or it will be a real storyline and completely take over the show like RC's other stupid obsessions. I think he missed the writing class where they explained that you can't just take the characters with the smallest parts and make them the leads without writing talent and effort.

^^ Because Epiphany + Milo = punchline.

I felt that Felix was the “butt of the joke” of Milo confessing his sudden crush on Epiphany. In the scenes of Milo’s confession, Felix (superbly performed by Marc Anthony Samuel) vacillated from confusion, hope and despair in one scene. It was crushing and heartfelt. I’m glad Felix wasn't broken by the development and hope for the return of the fun and bold Felix I loved, but I am not confident in the writers’ abilities.

I felt embarrassed for Felix but also angry that the Lucas would be so callous and cruel as to invite Felix and Brad into a “threesome” if Brad was the one he wanted to be with. He knew that when making the arrangement!!! I had no problem with the proposal of a threesome but I do have a problem that Lucas is written as a cad and Brad a buffoon while Felix is left out in the cold. As underdeveloped as Felix is, he’s more developed than Lucas and Brad! I also think Marc Anthony Samuel is the superior talent of the trio.

From the posts I read here (and other soap opera message boards) I gather that Felix is not very popular. I like Felix but completely understand why he would be disliked by many. 1.) he’s been woefully underdeveloped and 2.) deeply attached to Sabrina who is shallow and propped-up. When introduced, Felix was fun and funny. The character was lively and joyful. The past year Felix has been written as unhappy, miserable, desperate and morose.

Why is a show called “General Hospital” unwilling to write quality stories for the nurses, Liz and Felix? If they are not on the periphery of poorly written “triangles” they are relegated to propping up Sabrina Santiago (whenever she’s onscreen.) Not once has it been written that Sabrina supported Felix or Liz in the way they have supported her. Sabrina has never asked Felix or Liz about their lives or offered them advice.

Sabrina should leave town with Carlllosooooooooooooo.

I can't stand Felix, but I found the whole thing offensive to both him and Epiphany. As far as I know, neither one of them ever showed any interest in Milo before ever (except for the NB silliness), but now out of the blue Felix is devastated because Milo isn't crushing on him and he's so far above Epiphany there's no doubt that she must return his feelings. whatever. I would have preferred it if Felix gave him a sorry son, but just because I'm gay doesn't mean I have feelings for you speech and Epiphany had brushed him off with this is out of the blue and I never thought about you that way, but I'll think about it and get back to you.

I agree, it came off like Felix and Epiphany are such losers they should be pathetically grateful if anyone shows the slightest interest in them.

I mean, I know in Ron's world abs trump all, and I guess Milo has those, I mostly ff the Nurses' Ball from secondhand embarrassment so I can't say. But I don't really see what's so amazing about him that grown people with good jobs should be swooning at his feet with a mixture of hope and despair.

I'm not crushing on him, but I'm crushed that he's not crushing on me. Welcome to Ron's cringeworthy world of stereotypes.

I was wondering where you are Mallory....are you OK? It's been almost 2 weeks since this blog entry.

It wasn't out of the blue for Felix to be interested in Milo - he's had a crush on him since before they brought back the Nurses' Ball. I agree with soapbaby that the actor played the scene of disappointment beautifully. His hope at the end for a feeling like what Milo was expressing was just lovely!

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