The Fosters: Déjà Vu
I can't be the only one today who was pretty amused by several headlines like, "The Fosters has found Jesus!" Well, infantile sense of humor or not, I'm curious to see how the new Jesus works out.
A.J. is staying with the Adams Fosters, because of course he is. A.J. gets really confused about the unconventionality of this family. Brandon turns up and finds out that his father is planning to foster A.J., you know, at dinner in front of everyone which is always the best way. Let's face it, though, I don't really care about how Brandon feels.
Credits! Warm fuzzies!
All the grownups have a Feelings Meeting with Brandon.
Mike would like Brandon's support! He pretends he's okay with it. No one has wondered if Mike's brand new sobriety in addition to the fact that his last girlfriend statutory-raped his son might put a damper on approval for the foster license. I'm going out on a limb here to say that these are not great credentials.
Stef is going out for a girls' night! Stef has friends?
Jude and Connor are having an adorable date in which Connor plays a video game on the TV and Jude plays one on his smartphone.
Jude finds the TV shoot-em-up game to be way too loud and would like for these damn kids to get off his lawn!
A.J. rifles through Brandon's stuff.
A.J.: So the real kid gets his own room?
Callie: Well, we're all real.
Brandon walks in on Callie and A.J. standing way too close to each other. He is immediately jealous that his sister is flirting with his new brother. That's a real sentence.
Stef's friend Jenna is checking out women at the bar. They're at one of these only-on-television lesbian bars that are massive and upscale and pleasant and quiet and where there are always hordes of middle-aged women drinking martinis. Have we met Jenna before? I do remember them having lesbian-couple friends in the very beginning but I feel like we haven't heard of any since. Anyway, Jenna spots a super-hottie at the bar, and guess who it is? Monte! Looks like she's exploring her bicuriosity a little more aggressively! Stef insists that Jenna's barking up the wrong tree, since Monte's straight. Jenna astutely points out that Monte having been married to a man means nothing about her sexual orientation since Stef, too, was once married to a man.
Callie tells Mariana that she got fired from the drop-in center job. She divulges no details.
A.J. asks Lena if he's the first black kid she's fostered. He thinks his race makes it harder to find a foster family. Jude comes in and warns A.J. that he sometimes grinds his teeth in the night, because Jude is thoughtful and careful and perfect.
This dude Carl is there to fix the ceiling and asks if Lena and Stef are sisters. Ha! They do look a lot alike, you know. (Okay, okay, there are actual sisters in that house of different races, so I shouldn't even laugh. Love makes a family, not blood, yay!) Stef fills Lena in on the night before and is very curious about how much Lena knew about Monte's sudden interest in women. Turns out Monte was actually there on an online date, so this curiosity is very legit! Jenna wants Lena to set her up with Monte. Jenna calls and Lena and Stef both talk to her on video phone, which is super-awkward. Do people do this? Have group videophone talks on a smartphone? Anyway, Jenna makes the very ancient "lesbians bring a U-Haul to a second date" joke (that they waited till the third season to use that joke shows tremendous restraint), and our ladies agree to have her and Monte over for dinner.
Sweet Jude talks to Stef about feeling traumatized by guns after Connor got shot. He can't understand why Connor would play those shooter video games. Our Jude is so sensitive, you guys! I love him!
Mariana is now working at her bio-grandparents' bakery and bonding with her.... cousin? The job is very boring because no customers ever show up.
A.J. and Callie get to school and A.J. is very impressed that the school has no gates or fences. "You're free to take off whenever you want," says Callie. I don't know, y'all, I'm starting to get the sense that Callie has no faith in this kid! Hard to tell, though.
Lena and Monte talk at work and Monte says she just "checked all the boxes" on the dating site since things hadn't worked out so well for her with men. (Monte, are you ATTRACTED TO WOMEN?! 'Cause bad luck with men is not the prerequisite here.) Anyway, she's thinking she might be bisexual or should at least keep an open mind. She's mortified to have run into Lena's wife while she was out on her very first ladydate.
Okay, what? Mariana has gotten a message from Wyatt that's a sequence of photos of things drawn in the sand: "ME + U = COOL?" What does that even mean? Is this how the kids talk these days? And does he think he and Mariana are dating now? Oh no. Run, girl, run! Forget his luxurious hair! Mariana is more interested in demand-side economics and how she's going to come up with a brilliant idea to keep the bakery afloat.
Jude kind of blows off Connor and says he's going to learn how to shoot a gun with his mother. Connor wants to come too! He invites himself! None of this was ever really happening, so he goes home and asks his moms if he can make this happen. Guess what! Lena thinks "no," and Stef thinks "yes." Who could have predicted that?!
Callie's going to try to do an independent study on the foster care system, while Mike comes to pick up A.J. from school. They're going to go watch "the game" together. Mike is delighted! Callie looks worried. Brandon looks grumpy that they're watching the game. Some awkward attempts at male bonding go on, and Mike tells A.J. they have "every reason" to believe his brother is alive, but it's unlikely that he'll be found. (In other words: we'll find him, this is TV.)
Back to the awkward double date dinner! Some context here suggests that, yes, Jenna was the first-season friend who split up with her wife. Monte asks how Stef and Lena first met, so they tell their origin story and you can tell from Monte's face that it sounds pretty similar to their story.
We learn that Stef had a "thing" with a girl in college, but neither Jenna nor Monte ever did. Monte confesses to having had crushes, with a significant look at Lena, and Lena insists that it's time for dessert. Very, very quickly.
Brandon and Callie share skepticism about A.J. We are all thrilled. And right on cue, A.J. goes into Brandon's room and take his Tony Gwynn-signed baseball. D'oh!
Stef and Lena post-mortem the set-up dinner. Lena's not a fan, she doesn't think Monte's really into women and doesn't want a close friend of theirs dating her boss anyway. Mm-hm, that's why, Lena! They also discuss the possibility of teaching the kids about gun safety and why that might be practical.
Turns out Monte and Jenna went out for a drink after dinner and Monte wants to check with Lena that it's okay if they go out again. Lena tells her she doesn't want her to go out with any women! She wants her to be straight, because Lena's got this genius logic worked out that she only has to tell Stef about that kiss if Monte's actually attracted to women. Well-reasoned, Lena! I'm so sure Stef would agree completely!
Mariana made a little ad for "churronuts" that looked oddly like the photo text that Wyatt sent her, and customers are all excited about the idea. Grandfather is deeply offended by this because it is not how he does business! He'd rather go bankrupt than sell one single pastry that's "trendy" because that seems reasonable. I'm glad they're dealing with this important social issue. #embracetrendypastries #signthepetition #marchonwashingtonnextweek
At the shooting range, Jude decides not to shoot. He just can't do it. Connor, however, is all over that shit! Until he has flashbacks to when he GOT SHOT BY HIS FRIEND'S DAD THAT TIME. He's freaked out and leaves. Jude admits to Connor that he made this whole thing up because he was embarrassed at how not-into the shooting games he is. "I guess I'm not okay," Connor says, and Jude holds him because Jude is lovely and perfect. Have I mentioned that? Stef comes out to talk to them and tells them she burst into tears the first time she shot a gun. She bonds with Connor since both of them have been shot, and they talk about their experience. Stef's going to actually help!
A.J. disappears and Callie and Mike go searching for him. Callie finds him up by the water tower where he and his brother used to meet. Callie puts on her Callie Counselor cap and advises A.J. to go ahead and risk trusting someone.
Mariana talks her grandfather into making churronuts. So, our long national nightmare is over, you guys. Yay! Yay?
Mike gives A.J. a cell phone, and he spray paints the phone number on the water tower in case his brother comes there.
Callie runs in just as Mariana is IM-ing with Wyatt. Callie doesn't see it happen, though. She and Mariana tell their moms that they're going to start a website to help foster kids track down their people.
A.J. returns the Tony Gwynn baseball to Brandon's room, but Brandon just walks right in! Oops.
The end! More importantly, Lena's mother is back next week. That means Lorraine Toussaint! I'm still frightened of Vee. Someone hold me.