General Hospital: Nature or Nurture
Today on an exhausting episode of General Hospital, Lulu thinks it's a good idea to have a baby with a sociopath because what could go wrong? Dante explains that he could absolutely accept any child of hers that already existed, but this is a situation where she would be deliberately creating a child with an evil lunatic and has no qualms about possibly raising a mini-psycho (and considering her own genes are full of The Darkness™, it might not be the best recipe). And Kevin would like Lulu to pass Laura a note asking her to check "Yes" if she like likes him and "No" if she doesn't. Kevin also sticks around to have dinner with Lulu and her eye makeup and give her a free therapy session, which I'd imagine is the last thing on the damn planet any therapist would want to do off the clock.
Lulu, who apparently had a lobotomy recently, literally doesn't understand anything Kevin is saying about how having the baby might be difficult on her and on Dante. Even though Dante expresses reservations every single time they talk about it, including in the conversation they had five minutes before this.
Meanwhile, Tracy does the usual "I can't do this without you" bit to her best frenemy Monica that she delivers flawlessly every time Monica is in danger. Even though this is the 263rd time we've been through a similar rigmarole, it's just as effective as it ever was, because Jane Elliott is a goddess. Later, Jason gets word that Monica's in danger and actually shows up, calls her Mom, tells her he appreciates how much she's always loved him, and tells her he needs her and that he has a new kid on the way. Because this is red-letter stuff, she wakes up.
Elsewhere, Kin Shriner bops around and does little dances and makes funny faces and pronounces "crux" as "cruckst" and is generally bizarre and adorable in the courtroom.
Another performance in the same courtroom isn't quite as good, as Paul and Ava very loudly and awkwardly pretend to be on opposite sides so that he'll throw the case and, in exchange, Ava will go ahead and let him keep murdering all of the people. There's also some irritating business of Sonny flashing-dimp at Jordan because they're on the same side this time, and she doesn't actually claw his eyes out on the spot, since everyone on this damn show has to be charmed by him no matter what. Julian's recorded confession is found inadmissible, and Sonny throws his hands up as if it's so infuriating to him that the system allows mobsters to go free for such silly reasons! Those hands that he throws up, by the way, are covered in the blood of many, most importantly the beloved biological father of his own adopted son.
Speaking of whom, great news!
Yeah, Sabrina didn't make it. Nobody here at Serial Drama is going to miss her. (I am sure the actress is a lovely human being and I wish her well. Just, you know, to clarify that I'm not a crazy person who wishes ill on performers who play characters I don't like.)
Michael is angry.
But only for a second. Because this show likes to suck the drama out of any potential high-stakes moments, he then immediately accepts her death, eloquently says goodbye to her, and puts the unused engagement ring on her dead finger. Only a filthy rich person can get away with such nonsense.
Michael's first girlfriend got unceremoniously craned to death, his second left town and dumped him so hard he was never even allowed to say her name again, his third ditched him to go back to his little brother, and his fourth has now been murdered by his former great uncle. Things are going well, little Mikey! So help me if he goes on a vengeance path that leads him back to being mobbed up, though. SO HELP ME.
Tracy! I forgot that this'll devastate her. She actually liked Sabrina for some reason. I hope they'll give Jane Elliott some material with this beyond today's small moment, but because I want it, it's unlikely.
And that about does it. Seems like it should have been a much more dramatic episode, doesn't it? And while we're on the subject, what the hell was with the most anticlimactic secret-sister reveal between Elizabeth and Hayden yesterday?
Franco: Y'all are sisters.
Hayden: Well, maybe?
Franco: Really, my mom told me.
Liz: Okay, that adds up.
Hayden: Weird, well, see ya bitch! Hope I don't get arrested!
I am nowhere near the edge of my seat.