The Bold & the Beautiful: Biker Chick's In-Law Seduction Techniques
Haven't recapped The Bold & the Beautiful in a while, and given the rather massive casting news we got recently about a certain former General Hospital Aussie joining the cast in what I'm assuming will actually be a pivotal role again (let's face it, Thorne hasn't had a storyline in eons, he was literally only there for like two episodes when his daughter went insane and was killed in self-defense by his niece) it feels like the right time. Especially since it might draw some new viewers! And if you're new, great news: it's not hard to catch up. Everyone has been married to or romantically involved with everyone else (of the opposite gender, that is, no Gays of Our Lives on this one except for Caroline's offscreen moms) on this show and no couples last more than a few months at a time. Now you're caught up! Also, Bill is evil and there's no reason anyone still endures his existence.
Anyway, shall we?
Steffy and Bill flirt with each other. He calls her "Motorcycle Mama" and my eyes hurt from rolling, and this ain't subtle. Bill is so drawn to Badass Steffy! She's such a Cool Girl! She rides a "hog" and drinks beer!
Liam continues to explain to Wyatt why their father is a terrible man. Wyatt inexplicably looks skeptical because... why? I guess because he likes the money Bill gave him?
Brooke thanks Ridge for welcoming her back home.
Ridge: It's one of my favorite hobbies, moving you back home after a marital mishap.
Okay, writers, that one was actually pretty damn funny on purpose. Anyway, Brooke tells him she needs time to make the right decision, and he tells her he'll support any decision which brings her home. (Which means he'll only support just the one decision, not "any," but semantics, right?) She tells him she wants to cut her hours at FC back to part-time, but he thinks she should throw herself into her work since she'll always be a Forrester. "You are Forrest Creations," he tells her.
Bill and Steffy are sharing a beer while Steffy rubs her father-in-law's upper thigh to "comfort" him.
She tells him "Motorcycle Mama" isn't a great name for her since she and Liam have been trying but failing to get pregnant. They touch each other an awful lot while she pretends to think Brooke might come back to him and they can be grandparents together. He's not so sure.
STEFFY: I can guarantee a woman's going to come into your life that's gonna make you forget that Brooke Logan ever existed.
Again, real subtle. (Hey Bill, remember how obsessed with "loyalty" you are? Any thoughts on what a crap disloyal wife Steffy currently is? No? Okee dokes.)
Liam wants Wyatt to help him run Spencer Publications the "right" way, but Wyatt thinks they don't have enough experience. He's also concerned that Bill's vengeance would take them down.
WYATT: What Dad did was wrong, but at least he regrets it!
Oh Wyatt, you dummy. You may currently have great taste in women, but otherwise? Ouch. Bill doesn't regret a damn thing, he only regrets that Liam used it to oust him and that his wife walked out on him for it. He's still rationalizing it, and also maintains that the lie about Caroline's "terminal illness" was the right thing to do.
Bill tells Steffy how grateful he is to have a woman as smart and beautiful as she is in his family and on his side. Yes, Bill, her physical attractiveness level is super relevant to the point at hand. Lord knows you wouldn't want an average-looking woman on your side or in your family, they have no worth! Your point of view is downright presidential! Then they hold hands a little more.
Ridge talks Brooke into staying at work full-time and getting back on board with the lingerie collection (convenient). He also tells her he's "learned his lesson" and assumes it'll be the two of them in the end. (He's learned his lesson, you guys! This time it'll stick!) (In fairness, I'm pro-Ridge and Brooke in this iteration because I quite like their chemistry and I can't help that a new actor makes it easier to forget the horrible things Ridge has done to her in the past. Soaps!)
Liam thanks Wyatt for his concern but insists, in terms of revenge, that there's "nothing left" that Bill can do to him.
Annnnnd we cut to...
STEFFY (to Bill): There's a woman out there for you. I think it's Brooke, and if not, someone worthy will cross your path.
Well! That particular transition suggests that Bill is going to seduce Steffy as revenge on Liam which... I don't hate? Hear me out! If we have a soap monster who they're actually never going to bother to make a better person, I'd rather they have him continue to do overtly monstrous things. Accept your bad guys as bad guys! The soaps don't do this enough and stand by "well, he loves his kids" and "but he's very loyal!" as some sort of counterpoint (I know y'all don't need me to name names from certain other shows right now). Unfortunately I don't think it's going to be this simple because they also do seem to be portraying an organic connection between Bill and Steffy, which... fine, those two toads can have each other. (Maybe that's the wrong word, toads are usually pretty nice, right?) But I wouldn't mind if this whole thing turned out to be a revenge plot because I could just continue loving to hate Bill Spencer. (Not that I'd hate him any less for genuinely falling for his son's wife, but you know what I mean.)
And that's that!
In conclusion, bring on IngoThorne and give us more Rick and Maya!