Serial Drama

Please Recap For the Recapper

The good news is that my semester from hell is officially over. Or at least will officially be over as of tonight. And the end seriously could not have come any sooner, because the past couple of days have just been...I'll just tell you that, at one point, I sobbed HYSTERICALLY in my car in the parking lot of Starbucks over something insanely trivial, like lost White-Out (which is tragic, no doubt, but not worth quite so many tears!). And I won't even get into how many books I will finally get to read, or magazines to catch up on, and DVRed television shows to watch...

...which segues nicely into the bad news: I'm surprised that my poor DVR has not blown up in protest from the large backlog of soap operas I've recorded! I have to catch up on a week's worth of soaps. This is not going to be a fun weekend.

Even though I have not been watching, I do have an inkling of what's gone down this week. Call it a psychic gift, but I have a feeling that:

• On The Young and the Restless, Kevin was annoying; Gloria schemed; Mac was a black hole of charisma; Sharon and Adam were, for lack of a better term, ooky
• On General Hospital, James Franco smoldered; entirely too much screen time was given to Sonny, Olivia, Sonny talking about Olivia and Olivia talking about Sonny; Spinelli babbled; there was lots of mob, but no Quartermaine action
• On All My Children, terrible people did terrible things with terrible writing and terrible performances and it was offensive on every level

How did I do?

Is there anything I should be looking forward to watching? I know that's adorably optimistic to ask, but you never know! And on the flip side, is there anything so unbelievably horrific that I should make sure that the episode "accidentally" gets erased? Let me know in the comments!

In Which We Give Soapy Thanks

We know what you're thinking: "You two bitter bitches are thankful for soap-related things? I am so sure!"

But maybe we're getting caught up in the sentimentality of the Thanksgiving season. Or maybe our pumpkin baked-goods high is clouding our judgment. Or maybe we are just so giddy at the prospect of a long weekend that we are seeing beauty in the unlikeliest of places (It turns out that squirrels aren't hideous beasts after all! Who knew?). Either way, we are thankful for many soap-related things!

We have not murdered our beloved twin brother while being drugged by the local nefarious doctor.

We have not been incarcerated and then on the run for a murder we did not commit, yet inexplicably confessed to.

We know how to pronounce "manipulate" properly.

We have never been on the receiving end of a patented Ryan Lavery bug-eyed, rage-filled smackdown.

We have never been murdered and then had our heretofore unknown twin sister come to town in order to prey on our emotionally vulnerable family and con them out of money. And then fall in love with our fiance. And then languish on the backburner before being fired.

The cops in our towns are waaaay smarter than 99% of the ones in soapland.

We have not been forced to give birth (after high-risk pregnancies) in a remote cabin with hands-on assistance from the nutbar responsible for putting our son in comas.

Our hair is not judged against Megan Ward's and Allison Sweeney's.

We have not had barware flung at our head in the midst of an argument.

We have not been gaslighted by our stepson, or had a miscarriage because of the machinations of that stepson, or had that stepson fake our pregnancy and then engage in a baby switch. 

We do not have grandmothers that frequently tries to kill or ruin us.  (Well, not recently anyway, and not intentionally...)

We have not had a long-lost son come back from the dead ten years too young and way more Australian than he ought to be and then have it turn out that he's not actually our son at all but an impostor and that our son actually really is alive and was just hiding out for two decades to deal with his secret pain.

Victor Newman is not a real person.

We aren't romantically involved with men who might reply to the innocent query "How was work today?" with a list of violent felonies.

All My Children is taking the writing of the show in a new direction, continues to employ David Canary, and...um, is only an hour long.

Days of Our Lives has at least temporarily forgotten that it sucked and was nearly canceled and is operating as a quite entertaining daily hour of drama.

James Scott got a haircut.  (This may be responsible for the immediately preceding thanks-worthy event.)

General Hospital has a casting department that does what the writing department cannot (awesome things, awesomely), and/or James Franco got really stoned or very broke and agreed to the heretofore unimaginable.

The Young and the Restless still has stellar writing; some ultra-soapy behind-the-scenes drama; some of the best actors in the business; and the smarts to give Doug Davidson increased screentime, resulting in what is, so far, the greatest soap moment in the entire decade, if not the past century.

We're also thankful for the fine folks at Soap Opera Digest, our amazing guest-blogger Louise and the best readers in the blogosphere.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Our Column in the 12/1 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

The December 1st issue of Soap Opera Digest (with James Franco on the cover [Embarrassing squealing redacted]) and in it our our latest My Take/My Take, Too columns. Be sure to pick up a copy to hear our thoughts! This month, Becca is pleasantly surprised by how much Days of Our Lives has improved, thanks to hot men and pacing that isn't terrible, but challenges it to make the show great across the board. She also has some challenges for the General Hospital writers but has had to set the bar really low. Mallory takes on All My Children and, specifically, the way that the writers even manage to ruin the few good things the show has going for it: Zach and Kendall, Jesse and Angie, and Adam Chandler.

Is It Wrong That I Am Jealous of Annie's Coma? Probably, Right?

Much in the way that a long Thursday feels even longer and duller when there is something extra-special going on on Friday, the badness of All My Children right now seems even worse and more pronounced now that I know that there is an end in sight to the reign of Charles Pratt (because, remember, he has been FIIIIIIRED!). I sat through today's episode impatiently, thinking "When do we get episodes written by someone who's not a failure at life?" and "How the hell was he allowed to do this to this show for this long?!"

Newly super-villainous Aidan Devane has it bad for Kendall and the fact that every word out of Kendall's mouth is about Zach and her boys (literally, every single word! On the plus side, Alicia Minshew must have had an easy time memorizing her lines for these scenes and since she was pregnant at the time, she deserved it) hasn't given him pause. He's just had to re-evaluate his plot to make Kendall his for forever and has resorted to drugging (her wine, and dousing a rag with chloroform) and trickery in order to do so.

Trickery along the lines of arranging it so that Zach witnesses him having sex with someone who appears to be Kendall but is not Kendall and is, instead, Candy, the infamous Kendall look-alike, pinning his hopes on Zach becoming enraged at the sight and storming off to Pine Valley on a mission to excise Kendall from his life.

Which...is actually what ended up happening so, um...well played, Villain Aidan.

I Am Having The Best Day Ever

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!

How awesome is this day? First of all, it is Friday, which is awesome in and of itself. Secondly, I was undercharged for my latte at Starbucks, which is fantastic. Thirdly, my BFF James Franco is on General Hospital starting today, which...is not going to be awesome in the long run because who knows what the boneheads in charge are going to do with him, but is awesome for the moment, because he is pretty.

And LASTLY, my prayers have been answered and my feverish wishes fulfilled because CHARLES PRATT IS OUT AT AMC!

Charles Pratt! Out! Forever! Or at least he is given control of yet another soap opera to ruin, but until then: OUT!

I love this day. Thank you, November 20th, for being made of awesome.

David Canary, Please Dial Back Your Awesomeness

I normally would not ever advocate that an actor mentally check out of the show on which they are performing and would actually pretty mercilessly mock them for it, but I NEED for David Canary to do that. Because as long as he's around, being compelling and giving this show a far better acting effort than it deserves, I will not be able to fast forward his scenes. And I so badly want to fast forward these scenes, because they are incredibly repetitive, and dumb, and I am still peeved that they had Adam kill Stuart!

But while I have no qualms about breezing through Kendall and Aidan on the run, or everything involving David/Amanda/Jake, or muting all of Ryan scenes so that I can invent my own imaginary dialogue, I can't do the same for scenes with Adam. Because David Canary is so good.

Adam: No. They didn't have to. I saw it all. The pain. The suffering. The one thing that I could hold on to, the one thing that might give me a small chance -- that had some kind of redemption -- was the child. A moment of freedom, perhaps an honor to my brother. That -- that was the -- biggest lie of all. There's no reason I have to beg your forgiveness, Erica. I don't deserve it. I just -- I need to tell you that I'm -- how sorry I am.

And, quite frankly, I need him to stop. Not solely because without his scenes, I'd be able to make it through an episode of AMC in about three minutes, but also because he is almost certainly going to win a well-deserved Emmy for this story, and once Pratt sees an actor win an Emmy for a horrific storyline, who knows what other kinds of character assassination in the name of Emmy-baiting scenes we are in for?! Please start half-assing your work from here on out, David Canary--it is for the greater good!

Soap Blog Coalition

Carly's back and she isn't messing around. Find out what's in store for her and her fellow Oakdale residents with As the World Turns spoilers. (Daytime Confidential)

If you weren't able to go to the Scrubs event at General Hospital's Fan Club Weekend in July, you can now see the videos of Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough entertaining the crowd.  (Scrubs Hub)

Sami and Nicole's confrontation on Days was one of the most over-the-top, soapy, fabulous things to hit daytime in ages. If you need the Serial Drama girls, you'll find them replaying the clip on a constant loop and clapping giddily. (Serial Drama)

The soap goddess reaches out to The Young and the Restless' Billy Abbott in Genoa city. (Soap Opera Examiner) 

Is Outrage Fatigue Treatable With Antibiotics?

It's time for another installment of our continuing series Offensive, Outrageous and Oh-So [Expletive]: The Charles Pratt Story, starring Charles Pratt; his sidekick, the black hole of suck that accompanies him at all times; and four of the characters he's made near irredeemable and wholly unlikable this week: Aidan, Amanda, Jake and David.

Okay, David being irredeemable and wholly unlikable is not at all unique to this week, and the destruction of Aidan has been in full swing for a while, but the writers really ramped it all up in Friday's episode. Aren't Friday episodes supposed to be intriguing, and get viewers anxious waiting to tune back in on Monday? Because all I wanted to do when the show ended was take a Silkwood shower and schedule elective surgery for Monday at 1 PM.

You know, I had made my peace with Aidan being written off of the show in a flame of villainy disgrace. That's not to say that I enjoy it, or don't sympathize with poor Aiden Turner, who must be all, "...you couldn't just let me stay on the backburner and pretend that I never existed?", because I don't and do, respectively, but the show is obviously going there and shouting at my television is not going to change that. It's just going to give me a sore throat and very disgruntled neighbors.

The big issue is that, okay: Aidan Devane is a Special-Ops spy, no? I have to think that if he wanted to do something dastardly and break up Zach and Kendall, because he's apparently secretly been in love with Kendall all of this time (please see episodes dated "Never", "Never Ever" and "Never Ever Ever" for evidence of this) that he would be able to come up with something a little more ingenious than intercepting and forging email correspondence. Did he get his superspy training from seventh grade mean girls? Are we going to see him hack into Zach's Facebook and change his relationship status to "Currently In A Relationship with Liza Colby?" REALLY, if you are going to make him a sinister, manipulative stalker, at least make him a good one! It's the least he, and the viewers, deserve. And I mean that--it's the very, very least we all deserve.

Soap Blog Coalition

Daytime Confidential's Melodie Aikels chatted with daytime legend Kim Zimmer at the So Long Springfield event in Pittsburgh. Read Kim's thoughts on her legendary character. (Daytime Confidential)

With little to no air-time for our favorite couple we're back to creating puzzles at The Scrubs Hub. Come check out our latest word search!  (Scrubs Hub)

Serial Drama's guest-blogger Louise is lucky enough to watch the one ABC that is entertaining (on purpose, even!). She shares her take on the good, the bad, and the anger-making SORAS mess in Llanview. (Serial Drama)

Claudia's exit on GH had the wubqueen on the edge of her seat. For once things didn't play out like a bad B Movie. Kudos to all, especially the actors. (Wubs)

Better The Enemy You Know...

Have you ever sat and truly, thoughtfully reflected upon the destruction Charles Pratt has unleashed upon Pine Valley?

The answer to that is probably no, because why would you ever willingly do something so depressing?

(Unless you--like me when I was younger, inspired by a Baby Sitters Club book where Mary Anne mentioned that she reads the passage of Little Women where Beth dies anytime she is feeling down--actively seek out sad things to have a good cry. But in this case, it wouldn't be a good cry, it would be a horrified, angry, "How is he allowed to roam the streets without supervision and COLLECT A PAYCHECK?" kind of cry).  

But if you DID undergo that sad exercise and dredge up memories better left repressed, you'd have a long list of terrible things and you'd see a clear pattern: everything he does is more awful than the last.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise, then, that the spoilers for upcoming AMC stories are so wretched that they spur a person to organize a large protest, or at least design an angry button to wear.

You sunk my battleship, Pratt. And you sunk it hard.