Serial Drama

It's Like They Are Begging Me To Make a Joke About This Show Choking

I am not sure who is crazier at the end of this clip (the last scene of today's episode):

Erica, for deliberately provoking a person she KNOWS is insane and violent and who has, in fact, STABBED HER in the past, with her hilarious quips and her steely determination to send said insane person up the river for Stuart's murder? Really, Erica? That's how you deal with someone you believe to be a deranged murderer? By stalking and needling them and rubbing your gloriously voluminous hair in their face? That doesn't seem wise.

Annie, for coping with listening to things she doesn't want to hear by going, "Lalalala, I can't hear you, I can't hear you, GAH! STOP! I WILL KILL YOU"?

The audience, for continuing to watch even though it is causing our brain cells to rapidly deplete to the point where we maybe, I don't know, hypothetically lose all hand-eye coordination and wind up hitting our heads getting out of our cars? Twice in one day?

It's us, isn't it?

*Also, did anybody else catch Kendall saying "You might as well just bury me now" in front of Tad, who actually did bury someone a few years ago? It made me laugh until I cried. And those tears were the devastated tears of a person who just realized that maybe Megan McTavish wasn't so bad after all...

Soap Blog Coalition

Should SOAPnet produce a splashy Santa Barbara miniseries or movie? Jamey lays out the evidence why he thinks they should. (Daytime Confidential)

Check out the latest rant on the PVB regarding how low can SOAPnet go. Do you agree with Kathy, has the station has "jumped the shark"? (Pine Valley Bulletin)

As the malpractice suit/murder mystery on General Hospital trudges along, we've been entertained by some great quote worthy moments, here are some of the best (Scrubs Hub)

In their latest Soap Opera Digest column, the Serial Drama girls focus on veteran characters. Some shows, like All My Children and The Young & The Restless, use them well and give them great stories, and then there's General Hospital and what they have done with Luke Spencer. (Serial Drama)

I was compelled to pause the DVR after being so totally outraged over the scene that took place at the Chancellor estate. If Neil genuinely recognized the fact that Mrs. "C" was in trouble, he should have called 911 immediately. (Soap Opera Examiner)

Lisa LoCicero just got a contract on General Hospital. Will it matter? Either way, we're happy! (Wubs.net)

Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column

My Take
By Becca Thomas

I am not anti-villain. I love a soapy bad guy or girl. I have adored DAYS OF OUR LIVES’ Victor Kiriakis and his malevolent deeds since acid-washed jeans were popular the first time around. And one of Victor’s worst enemies, Stefano DiMera? Who doesn’t root for him, at least a little bit, every time he comes back from the dead to wreak havoc? Then there’s GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Helena Cassadine, who is a kidnapper, brainwasher, and murderer many times over. Yet I love her! I could go on for pages with examples of my solidly pro-villain stance. And I also understand that even good guys have to have some villainous qualities now and then, to keep things interesting. But lately with Luke Spencer, GENERAL HOSPITAL has replaced what was a layered and interesting sometime villain with an unrepentant jerk who has lost all rootability in my eyes.

In Which My DVR Is An Eloquent Soap Critic

As I mentioned on Facebook, I was completely delighted by my DVR's description of today's All My Children.

Ryan makes things worse for Kendall.

Substitute "the audience" for "Kendall" and you have a very astute commentary on the current state of the show. Even inanimate objects don't like Ryan! Is this a new trend of snarky recording devices? I eagerly look forward to episodes described with "Liza makes an incredibly stupid decision" and "David Canary continues to be too good for this show."

My dislike of Ryan is so strong that during his scenes today with North, who is most likely abusive to his wife and who is going after my favorite character on the show full throttle, Charlie's Angels 2 style, with a singular determination that is sort of obsessive, I found myself taking North's side because Ryan is terrible and makes everybody in a scene with him vastly more enjoyable.

He was practically drooling with excitement over Tad possibly seeing Annie the night of Stuart's murder which, following his pure glee over the shenanigans he and his merry troupe of schemers engaged in to help push a mentally ill woman over the edge, is icky, to say the least. I am sure there is a better way to describe Ryan, or at least a way that doesn't involve schoolyard exclamations of disgust, but that's all I've got.

A Never Ending Parade of Stupid

I sat in silence during Friday's episode of All My Children and for a long time after it ended, contemplating how best to describe the massive amount of dumb exhibited by Liza Colby. I was speechless for an embarrasing amount of time trying to come to grips with describing the level of idiocy necessary to fake labor to get out of an admittedly ghoulish fake funeral for a not dead baby and then go continue your fake labor at your ex-boyfriend's house where your daughter hangs out, and then insist that your daughter stay with you during your fake labor and, apparently, just cross your fingers and hope that she doesn't think anything of it when you birth a pillow and have a baby delivered via courier in the form of Tad Martin with a brain injury.

Do I list a number of adjectives for dumb, and remark that even if we were to assign numerical values to each synonym, add them together, and multiply by pi? Do I craft a series of "Yo Momma" jokes about her? Do I hit her below the belt and insinuate that her plans are even more illogical and flat out felony level stupid than those of Claudia Zacchara's? It broke my brain!

Jake: You do? You want her to stay and witness the birth of a pillow, do you?

Liza: She just asked for me to help. Do you know how long I've been waiting for my daughter to reach out to me?

Jake: Do you know how difficult this is going to be to pull off, do you?

Liza: Ok, one of the reasons I'm having this baby is bond with my daughter. Jake, she stays.

Bitch crazy.

Soap Blog Coalition

Ah the power of a recession! With daytime in an increasingly perilous state, several soap operas seem to finally be willing to pull out all the stops to attract new viewers and/or mainstream buzz by going gay, puritanical watchdog groups and skittish sponsors be damned. (Daytime Confidential)

Lots of Spoilers and Rumors out there this week. Is Ethan working for Helena? Will Jason and Johnny work together again? (GHOFS)

While Amanda longs to have her baby back and doesn't realize he's right under her nose, flashback to 1997 when Maria was in a similar situation. Only it was she who thought her baby was dead while Erica held on to little Maddie, passing her off as Russian adoptee Sonya. (Pine Valley Bulletin)

On the off chance that someone should ask them why they hate Ryan Lavery, the Serial Drama girls have started to compile a list of the myriad reasons for their loathing. (Serial Drama)

On a soapless summer weekend, we are more than often blessed with good weather which typically allows us to take a break and simply forget about the soaps for a couple of days. Find out how to survive the soapless weekends (Soap Opera Examiner)

It's nice to see Robin getting back to basics since returning home to Patrick and Emma last month. (The Scrubs Hub)

Sometimes the Wubs is all about the fun behind the soaps--check out some Nancy Lee Grahn and Brandon Barash tweets, fun tidbits and a little bit of Prime Time Dish. (Wubs.net)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Scenes from today's episode of All My Childrenmade me smile. And a genuine smile, at that! Normally whilst watching AMC, the only smile I can muster is of the "Let me tightly purse my lips and force a smile while I plot this show's downfall" variety.

And even more shocking, the scenes that made me downright gleeful involved Ryan, as in Ryan Lavery as in The Worst Person To Ever Be. He was only marginally involved with the awesomeness, though, and was mostly mute while Adam, Annie and Erica exchanged hilarious one-liners and cruelly taunted each other.

I don't love the fact that Erica was trying her best to provoke Annie into a full-on psychotic episode, and I don't love the fact that Adam is blindly devoted to Annie, and I don't love the fact that Annie is quite probably playing Adam, but I DO love awkward dinner parties and the way that La Lucci, David Canary and Melissa Claire Egan work with one another, and the way Annie kept eyeing fireplace pokers as possible weapons.

Three cheers for being funny on purpose!

I Suppose This Is Technically Giving The Viewers What They Want

In theory, if I were forced to choose between being bored out of my mind or being a witness to limitless character/show history destruction, I'd choose the boredom, so I guess that today's episode of All My Children counts as a mild kind of wish fulfillment since, for the most part, I barely even got annoyed since I was so busy struggling to stay awake. Uh, nicely done, powers-that-be...

Seriously, the most interesting All My Childrenrelated thing to happen today was discovering that the actor who plays ADA Henry North is named Kieran Campion. Is that not the greatest name ever? And it turns out that he's an established Broadway actor once described  as "the all-American cutie with a smile begging to be cast in a Colgate commercial". So he's got that going for him.

What he doesn't have going for him is good writing or a good scene partner. Denise Vasi is so pretty--one of the prettiest women on soaps right now--but her entire acting repertoire consists of a blank stare and a mild line reading, no matter what the scene calls for. When she is being threatened by a pimp, or flirting with her husband, or getting upset that her husband was injured, she always stares blankly and says something in a pleasant monotone.

It turns out that North and Randi have a history, and that he fell in love and wanted to run away with her, going so far as to make arrangements to meet her at the train station and head for parts unknown, before Randi stood him up. I find this completely unsurprising.

Oh, sure, it is completely random and it contradicts Randi's prior assertions that she never had feelings for anyone before Frankie, but come on, how could any of us expect Pratt to not jump on the late "Hee! Politicians are skeevy!" bandwagon that Bob Guza just jumped on? Except instead of GH's Player Mayor we now have the...uh, Pay-D-A. I could make up puns for politician sex scandals all day long. The Daily News should hire me to write snappy headlines!

He Never Fails To Fail

We've all been there. Watching an episode of All My Children, cringing at the factual mistakes, admiring Erica's inappropriate wardrobe, being sad that Marissa's potential awesomeness was squandered so quickly, when all of a sudden Ryan Lavery does something so ludicrous and epically toolish, that you can't even focus on the rest of the episode because you are dumbfounded by how terrible he is at everything. Am I right?

He is the worst. And his status as the worst has prompted me to introduce a new feature: Things Ryan Lavery Fails At. Odds are that you will never need to refer to this list to provide proof as to the many ways that Ryan is terrible, because nobody will ever ask you for details about his terribleness, because it is an opinion that unites even the most wildly different people. And odds are even slimmer that a soap opera fairy godmother will approach you looking for aspects of Ryan's character that can be improved, because obviously the AMC powers-that-be think that he's peachy keen as is. But in case any of those things ever happen, I feel like an annotated list of awfulness would be helpful.

Soap Blog Coalition

General Hospital's Sam McCall knows her way around Port Charles and like the good sister that she is, has a few tips for Kristina on how to survive Port Chuckles. (Daytime Confidential)

"Bye Bye Mrs. McBain - A Tribute to Kathy Brier" - Michael Fairman salutes Brier and her tremendous contributions and performances as Marcie Walsh McBain, as she aired in her final "OLTL" episode on Wednesday.  (Michael Fairman Soaps)

The publicity machine that is Ryan and Erica keeps on rolling, but how do you feel about the upcoming storyline? Weigh in with the latest PVB poll! (The Pine Valley Bulletin)

Schemes and plots are a soap staple, but they're no fun to watch if the plots make no sense, as is the case on All My Children. (Serial Drama)

So, go ahead and call me slightly 'Otaliacentric' and 'Guiding Light obsessed these days but the reality is that I still cannot quite grasp the fact that the beacon on that lighthouse seemingly appears to be going dark very soon.  (Soap Opera Examiner)

Check out all the Kimberly McCullough related pictures we've gathered from the Soap Nation's tour at the CMA Music Festival this past weekend (which also includes pictures of Greg Vaughn, Becky Herbst, Brandon Barash, and Laura Wright). (The Scrubs Hub)

We Love Soaps editor Michael Goldberg takes a look at the recent announcement that Crystal Chappell and Wally Kurth wil return to Days of our Lives and what that means with the latest play to save the show. (We Love Soaps)

NuMolly's coming, some great pics from the ABC/CWA event and news from Steve Burton's appearance in NY. (Wubs.net)