Words I thought I'd never--never--never, because EW--type: Thank goodness for Krystal.
Hear me out before you start making arrangements to have me involuntarily committed: thank goodness for Krystal and her Southern-fried hypocrisy, because if it weren't for her holier-than-thou, delusional display of smug today, I'd have spent the entire episode in a puddle of messy tears. But instead I had a brief respite and was able to just feel pure hatred. And it felt good, you know? It felt right, snarling things like "
Krystal: That room's taken, but I'm sure we can find an empty cell for you around here.
JR: I'm busy.
Krystal: Yeah, so I heard. From AJ. Taking a little adventure. I think the legal term for it is kidnapping.
You know, there are certain things that this twit should never say. Actually, she shouldn't say most things because she should have been written out of Pine Valley YEARS ago (no offense to Bobbie Eakes, who is a delight, but seriously, Krystal is the fucking worst), but really, things that she ABSOLUTELY shouldn't say are things like "kidnapping" and "how dare you kidnap?" because seriously, we can all recite the litany of felonies and child endangerment charges this hiefer has committed but let me just recap in a word: MIRANDA. I mean, yes, JR is acting seriously unbalanced, but this is one of those times that Krystal should have just said, "You know what? I'm going to sit this one out, which I know is surprising because I offer my opinion on EVERYTHING in that same condescending drawl, but I don't really want to run the risk of spontaneously combusting on account of the hypocrisy, so if you need me, I'll be over there".
But again, if it weren't for Krystal, all I'd have done for this hour was cry because damn it, Angie and Jesse are magical. Debbi Morgan and Darnell Williams are just--I am gutted, you guys. Gutted that we're not going to have them in our lives anymore, transfixing us with their brilliance and making us completely jealous with their utter lack of aging.
And this montage killed me. Killed me dead. I type this from beyond the grave, still sniffling at the Hubbard-y goodness.
Thank you so much for the years of genius performances, epic romance, and those amazing 80s fashions. We'll miss you, Debbi and Darnell.