Griffin: You don't know me. I'm calling from Pine Valley Hospital. It's regarding Dr. David Hayward.
Maria (!!!) (!!!!): What has that son of a bitch done now?
First of all: MARIA! I was completely taken aback by how excited I was to see her today. It's not that I don't enjoy her, because I do. Or, at least, I do when I block out the fact that her last long-term return actually existed. But I didn't think I would practically squeal, especially since I knew it was coming. I think I might have some sort of bizarre, Pavlovian reaction to the return of any soap veteran character. When Adam and Brooke come back (WHICH, OH EM GEE, THEY ARE!), I might literally start to flail. Although...they deserve that sort of response. If I do the same for Justin Bruening and--sigh--Alexa Havins, we'll know for sure that I'm just deranged.
Secondly: you want to know what he's done, Maria? He's been hilarious.
Kendall (leaving "Erica" a voicemail): You and David. When I say it out loud, it sounds so ridiculous. I can't even believe it's true. Can you call me and tell me this is one bad dream?
David: You are awake. I can pinch you if you like.
Kendall: Get the hell away from me.
David: Now, is that any way to speak to your future stepfather?
Kendall: How do you do it, David? How do you make every woman think she can't live wihout you?
David: Well, some say it's my smile. But Ithink it's my winning personality.
David, you smarmy bastard. And I mean that as a compliment!
In the (strangely and, yes, sadly) version of AMC that plays in my head sometimes while the actual AMC bores me to the point of near brain atrophy (so maybe I should say it plays in my head always instead of sometimes), Kendall and David would have a huge story together. Not a romantic one--just something that would require them to spend a lot of time together, hating each other and throwing barbs back and forth. Because Alicia Minshew and Vincent Irizarry are crazy good together. They're crazy good with most of their scene partners, to be fair, but when they're together, they are just an antagonistic delight.