The biggest night in daytime television is here and I'm not quite sure how to feel about it. I feel dread, obviously, because I've been doing this long enough to know that the following two hours will be filled with random winners, celebrities of yesteryear and song and dance numbers so oddly staged and weirdly placed that we'll all feel like a fever dream. But I also feel excitement (I actually cheerfully answered a "Any weekend plans?" question with "The Daytime Emmys are on tomorrow night!" I...don't think that person will be talking to me anymore) because it could be fabulous. Or at least fabulously bad. Probably fabulously bad. But at any rate, it's here and I am here to liveblog it with you (Louise is off doing something fabulous and sends her regrets. I even think she was genuine when she said she's sorry she's missing it!).
8:00: And we're off! At the site of a murder-suicide, which I hope is not an omen of things to come. We open on the highest of high notes with the ever-charming Anderson Cooper and the iconic, amazing, perfect Oscar the Grouch (the Muppets are flaw-free and I will hear no arguments on the contrary). Anderson is excited to honor the best that daytime has to offer, which upsets Oscar, who is only there because Elmo had a prior engagement. Here's the first song of the night and while I'd normally be huffing and puffing, it's OSCAR THE GROUCH. Oscar asks Anderson to tell him anything good that's ever happened on Daytime; examples include Luke and Laura's wedding and Tom Cruise's couch jump o'crazy.
8:03: Really, though, Anderson Cooper is too adorable for words. He introduces the lads up for Outstanding Younger Actor who are here to hand out the Emmy for Lead Actor. They do the annoying thing where they all take turns talking about the perils of being a lead actor. I have to say that Nathan Parsons has never annoyed me less than he did just now.
8:06: And the first Emmy of the night goes to Anthony Geary. Sigh. Darnell Williams was ROBBED. ROBBED.
8:07: It takes him forever and a day to make it to the stage. The GH cast gives a standing ovation and the rest of the audience seems to be completely over it. He gives a really long speech that I didn't entirely pay attention to (I'm sorry! I am already falling down on the live-blogging job), but I did hear the shout outs to Bob Guza and Jill Farren Phelps and I gagged a little bit. Or a lot. But he ends with a really nice thank you to Jonathan Jackson, Julie Marie Berman, Nathan Parsons and Jane Elliott, which was sweet because three of them are stellar and deserving of all of the awards themselves.
8:12: The cast of The Talk is here, all dressed in black except for the personality-free Julie Chen who is in a sparkly green sack. Do you think they hate her for being married to the network boss? I would. I guess I do, kind of. They do some shtick about how similar their show is to The View that gets a lot of laughs from a very easy audience and present the award for Outstanding Game Show Host. As soon as Ben Bailey is even mentioned as a nominee, the crowd goes crazy. What are they drinking? Todd Newton, host of something called Family Game Night on something else called The Hub. I am learning all of these new channels tonight. I feel so sheltered. He is very appreciative and thanks the great television hosts who came before him.