Becca: Eeeeee, starting!
Mallory: Eeee! "A CBS Special Presentation" makes it seem so classy.
Becca: "Special" could mean many things. And "With Frankie Avalon"?! What? Have I time-traveled?
Mallory: I am either too young or too old to appreciate the relevance of most of these people.
Becca: Or perhaps too "having a life"?
Becca: For real, David Copperfield is opening the show? Because he was last relevant when Frankie Avalon was on the charts?
Mallory: What is going on right now, seriously?
Becca: That magic act was insane, but they just showed James Scott looking gorgeous, so I'm OK.
Mallory: I just Wiki'd Copperfield to see how old he was, and they claim that he is "best known for his combination of storytelling and illusion"
Mallory: I'd argue that he's best known for cheese and dating Claudia Schiffer. Neither are accomplishments to be proud of
Becca: Dating Schiffer, most definitely
Becca: OMG, Reg did not just make fun of La Lucci!
Mallory: Ohhh, awkward
Becca: and then called her fat?!
Mallory: Ronn Moss's formal scarf/mullet comination is amazing.
Becca: It so is. Not amazing is this monologue. It's like the worst 70s talk-show one-liners all combined into a rant.
Becca: Okay, Don Rickles? What is the target age of this broadcast? I feel like I'm not wearing enough support hose to watch. (I mean, I'm wearing SOME, obviously.)
Mallory: Well, it IS CBS
Becca: Good point. Kelly Monaco's dress is pretty, I think, but my god she is shiny
Mallory: I love Jonathan Jackson, in case you'd forgotten
Becca: You're very quiet about it, but I think I recall that from waaaay back. Oh! Yay, Julie Pinson! Go, her! And she looks fabulous!
Mallory: Julie Pinson is amazing and gorgeous, and all sorts of good things
Becca: She really is. I loved her "oh my GOD!" at the end.
Mallory: Ryan Seacrest is taking over all media, isn't he?
Becca: Unfortunately, yes. I fear he will soon start writing chick lit and then I will truly be unable to escape him.
Becca: The Spinners?! I swear, my grandmother would think this lineup is a little dated.
Mallory: WHAT YEAR IS IT?
Becca: I can't remember, because Seacrest's spray-tan has poisoned my brain.