Serial Drama

Catch Our Broadcast Debut Tonight! ...Or Whenever

Tonight's the night!  We are all set to make our broadcast debut at 10 PM tonight on In The Zone Radio.

We're incredibly excited to join the gracious hosts for what will surely be a fun evening of soap dishing.  We're going to try really hard not to pepper too many sentences with "dude"s (Becca) and "like"s (Mallory).

We hope that you can tune in tonight!  If you want to call in, please do!  (Remember, it's your job not to make us seem like reader-less losers!)  The number is (347) 996-5978.  Or you can IM via AIM  at InTheZoneRadio, or email questions to inthezone@sonuni.com.

If you can't listen tonight, fear not:  The interview will be available as a podcast, so you won't need to miss one hypercritical moment.

Updated 5/7: Well, we debuted.  The host and at least a couple of listeners thought we were unfunny in person as opposed to in writing, and said so, which wasn't the highlight of our lives but it mostly got better from there.  And seriously, it's not like we haven't put a lot of criticism out into the atmosphere; it was bound to boomerang on us.  Doing the show was really a fun experience and we truly appreciate the opportunity.  Thanks very much to In the Zone Radio for having us on!

If you want to check out the podcast, it's available here in the upper right corner.  (Mallory starts at the 8:42 mark, Becca joins at 13:15, and we get called unfunny at around 52:30 and several times thereafter.  There's about a 75-minute live show and then we stayed on after that for an off-air chat.)  Since clearly we are in the process of expanding our multi-media empire, next on the list is an all-shirtless touring production of Xanadu starring James Scott, Jason Thompson, Peter Bergman, and Greg Vaughn.   We'll keep you posted.

General Hospital Couple of Weeks in Review

Let's start with the biggest General Hospital news of late, the Daytime Emmy nominations.  Mallory covered the high and low points brilliantly already, so I won't take up much of your time with this.  (Mostly because knowing our readership, if I spend much space discussing GH being held up as one of the four best soaps on the air, there will be widespread cardiac episodes and rage blackouts.  And we need to save those up for when they announce a second season of Night Shift.)

I can actually deal, at least conceptually, with GH being nominated for best show and writing, if they submitted episodes from the Metro Court hostage situation.  Granted, I thought 75% of that storyline sucked, but it was better than almost everything else GH put out the rest of the year, and from what other people say it's better than what lots of other shows aired as well.  So I can get to an okay place with the nominations.  As long as they lose, of course.  If they win, I'll go postal.  But let's cross that horrifying bridge when we get there (and when we have lots of alcohol).

What really bugs me about the GH nominations is that they give the impression that the cast is the problem.  "The show has exceptional writing, directing, and showrunning -- shame about that shitty cast that can't muster more than Tony Geary's [Deserved But Let's Face It Guaranteed Until He Retires Even If He's Onscreen for Ten Minutes a Year] nomination, huh?"  Which is unfortunate because I think GH has a great cast, one that frequently makes terribly written material bearable, even entertaining.  So to sum up, Daytime Emmy voters are even more inept than the people who run ABC Daytime.  Who knew such a thing was possible?

But on with the recappery . . .

Respeito!

Back before Tyra Banks had completely turned into a lunatic who could cause harm to herself and others, when the CW was still UPN and the WB and Jay Manuel was just super tan as compared to radioactive orange, America's Next Top Model ruled. And not just ruled for a competitive reality show broadcast on the redheaded stepchild of networks, but it ruled in general, and I wasn't ashamed to tell people I watched it. Uh, now is a different story, but back in the day of Cycles 2 and 3, the show was awesome. Remember? With Camille's signature walk that was going to make her famous? And Eva's "First of all, I didn't even know you were a bitch" and Kelle's denial over her snout? Good times.

A large part of Cycle 3's brilliantness is due to the epic bitchiness of Yaya, who went to Brown and thought she was better than every person to ever exist. She was self righteous and bratty, and spit out umeboshi and wore a shirt asserting the importance of Respeito after Ann mutilated Cassie's brownies and had no sense of humor ("Some people think it's funny to kill people. That doesn't make it funny") and I kind of loved her. She was endlessly entertaining and now Pine Valley gets to enjoy her!

Yaya Dacosta from America's Next Top Model is coming to All My Children! The model-actress hyphenate has been cast as Cassandra Foster, the daughter of Dr. Angie Hubbard (Debbi Morgan). She first airs on April 25. Many will remember Yaya as the runner-up of Season 3 of America's Next Top Model. Despite not taking the prize, she's enjoyed a successful modeling career, including campaigns for Sephora, Garnier Fructis and Olay. Acting gigs followed, such as a starring role in the film Take the Lead with Antonio Banderas.

Yaya's character, Cassandra, was adopted by Angie and her ex-husband, Jacob. Cassandra made her debut on ABC's The City. In that soap's final episode, Angie and Jacob (played by Darnell Williams, who currently plays Jesse on AMC) found an abandoned Cassandra and brought her home with them.

Cassandra's all grown up now, and she arrives in Pine Valley to meet her mother's first (and current) husband, Jesse. Don't expect the family reunion to be all roses, though: Cassandra will be pulled into the sinister plan Rob (David Rasche) has for Jesse.

I am just going to put all my cards on the table and admit to being excited about this. I blame my all encompassing love of Jesse and Angie for my excitement and I know that, since this is the dream ruining AMC, it will wind up horrible, but for now, I will "Eeeee!!"

Does Ricky Paull Goldin Have Low Self Esteem?

You know how certain people act out or cause physical harm to themselves because they believe they don't deserve to be happy? Does Ricky Paull Goldin have that condition? Is there any other explanation for him joining the cast of All My Children? Is the low self esteem caused by the extraneous l in his name?

I am really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume that he's out of his mind for doing something so foolish. Maybe it's some sort of community outreach program that he, Debbi Morgan and Darnell Williams are a part of where they try to make crappy things less crappy. Or perhaps he lost a cruel bet. I don't know.

I am not ultra familiar with him; I remember when he was a wackadoo stalker on The Young and the Restless, but I never watched Another World or Guiding Light (as if that's even a real show), so I haven't seen his most popular roles. But I think I might sort of love him, a little, because a trip to his IMDB page shows that he has appeared in award-winning movies like Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, Hyper Sapien: People from Another Star and Moment of Truth: Into the Arms of Danger. Someone who shows such commitment to quality programming, not to mention the colon, is completely worthy of my respect. Also, he played someone named Paul Mallory in a TV movie with Yasmine Bleeth about a crazy woman with plastic surgery. Awesome!

RPG's possible craziness aside, it will be interesting to have Jake Martin back in Pine Valley, if only to see exactly how many men Greenlee can have stories with at once. Between Aiden, Ryan, Zach (it's coming, people) and Jake, it will be...a very Greens heavy show. I didn't like Jake and Greenlee together the first time around (LEO&GREENLEE4EVER<33333333), but that could just be that my knee jerk reaction is to be irritated by J. Eddie Peck...

Well-Kept Secret: Sarah Brown Returns to GH Tomorrow

ABC Daytime has approached this event with its usual subtlety, so perhaps you haven't heard, but Sarah Brown is back on General Hospital starting tomorrow! 

With the darker hair, doesn't she look eerily like a slightly smaller-jawed Minnie Driver?

I am excited to see Sarah Brown back, but unsurprisingly GH has already messed up her return.  Yes, before her first airdate.  It's not me being cynical, it's them being stupid.  I promise.

Shelle-Shocked

HOLY CRAP, you guys, Martha Madison (Belle) and Brandon Beemer (Shawn) have been let go from Days of Our Lives.  (Thanks so much to reader and forum poster lascuba for the link.  Although, note to Soap Opera Network:  Use of the term "super couple" for these two characters may very well have broken the internet.)

Who Needs Women In Their 40s Anyway?

I don't think anyone has ever been under the impression that it's easy to age as a daytime actress, but oy vey, what a run we're having of shows letting talented middle-aged actresses go.  I don't know what's going on on other shows, but on the two I watch anyone with boobs over the age of 35* has got to feel a bit uneasy.  (* This phrasing may make it sound as though I believe there are any boobs on daytime that are older than 35, which is of course crazy talk.  There are still a few women who have passed that landmark, however.  A few.)

[A couple of these exits haven't happened onscreen yet, so if you believe that kind of info is spoiler-y, don't check out the rest of this post after the cut.  There is no detailed plot info.]

Blasts From the Past

All My Children has gone totally nutty with casting lately: Debbi Morgan and Darnell Williams are slated to return and Rebecca Budig is recasting her own recast and coming back to the show as Greenlee.

!!!

I wasn't an AMC viewer during Angie and Jesse's heyday, what with being born in 1983 and all, but I do know that Jesse is, like...dead. He visited Gillian when she died and was a ghost, so I am assuming that he's going to be a look-alike character--which, according to the ever-trustworthy Wikipedia (I agree with Michael Scott: "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information"), is exactly what happened on Loving/The City. So there's that.

But Oh Em Gee, you guys, Rebecca Budig! I LOVE Rebecca Budig! I think she's one of the most adorable people ever, and I loveloveloved her as Greenlee. I am one of the few people who have gone on record as liking Sabine Singh, and I'm sorry to see her leave, but Rebecca Budig IS Greenlee, so it's going to be nice to have her back. Granted, I have no idea why she's coming back to the clusterfuck that is AMC and, especially, her storyline lately, but still: eeee!

What The What?

I received an email from Becca with the subject line "WHAT?" and immediately assumed the worst: Stila being discontinued! The Office being canceled! Leonardo DiCaprio being spotted canoodling with Britney Spears! What can I say, I'm a pessimist.

Luckily, all of my assumptions were false, but it turns out that it was weirder than all of those put together: Sarah Brown is returning to General Hospital!

My ensuing train of thought was as follows:

• WHAT?
• ...really? I love her! OMG! Eeeee!
• Wait, no, seriously? What?
• Why?
• To direct?
• To act?
• To heckle, just for fun?
• Who will she be playing? They already have someone great playing Carly and they don't need yet another new character
• I'd really miss Laura Wright's pretty, pretty hair if she left the show
• If she is coming back as Carly, I guess Jax and Carly, and Sonny and Kate would be totally over...
• She's an awesome, Emmy-winning actress. Why does she hate herself enough to come back to this hellhole of a show?
• ...wait, what?

And I'm still there.  What?!

Days: Now With 30% Less Cringing

There is very little I can do to improve upon this bit of casting news from Soap Opera Digest.

Buh-Bye

DAYS OF OUR LIVES's Max and Co. won't have to worry about felonious Jeremy (Trevor Donovan) any more. The hell-raising Horton leaves town on Wednesday, October 17.

Trevor Donovan is a hottie, but I think I have made my feelings about this character clear.

Next time, writers, perhaps it might be wise to do some research into the parents of your new character, and make even a small effort to explain where the character is coming from or why he is utterly and completely unlike the two people who brought him into the world who we watched on our screens for some period of time?  It's just a suggestion.  In case you're taking them.

But Where Will Her Tragic Scar Be Now?

Yes, I know I'm more than a month slow on the uptake, but nonetheless . . . Oh, sigh:

Bjorlin's Back!
As reported in Digest's 9/4 issue, Nadia Bjorlin (Chloe) is returning to DAYS OF OUR LIVES. She will first air in November. "We're thrilled to have her back," says Executive Producer Ken Corday. "She is an amazingly beautiful and talented woman." Not surprisingly, Chloe will be part of a storyline with Shawn, Belle and Philip. "She comes back with an edge," teases the exec.

I have nothing in particular against Nadia Bjorlin (though I did find the Bruce Willis stuff a bit sleazy), and apparently this is an unpopular opinion since they're bringing her back, but damn, I did not like Chloe.  Admittedly I was only watching intermittently during most of her time on the show, but the character just seemed whiny and boring to me.  Not to mention she was one soap-ingénue cliché after another:  "I am so terribly ugly!  I'll never find love!  On the other hand, if I take off these black clothes and clunky glasses, I am a supermodel!"; near-fatal illness;  disfiguring scar; etc.  Plus I found her parents, Craig and Nancy, totally irritating. 

As for Chloe's return, I am highly suspect that anything associated with Belle and Shawn will have "an edge," and I really don't need yet another round of Shawn and Philip fighting over Belle, unless and until they show me one personality trait worth fighting over in a context other than "Belle makes me want to fight over who has the opportunity to run away from her first."

All that aside, Bjorlin's return caused me to look up Chloe's history on SoapCentral, which led to my re-discovery of how awesomely awful some of the writing and recapping is there, including this gem:

Crimes Committed
Threw a dead rat in Jan's face and caressed her with it.

First of all, I am so, so sorry I missed this.  Second of all, was there a trial for this supposed crime of rat throwing-slash-caressing?!  Because that would be about ten times as interesting as Jason's hundredth murder trial on GH.

Take Your Own Words to Heart

A couple of weeks back, Annie Wersching's Amelia had this fabulous line, in reference to Sam's stupid talk show that nobody would ever watch if it actually existed:

Amelia:  Recasting is a LOT of trouble.  And it usually ends up a disaster.

Don't I know it, sister!  (That Greg Vaughn was in that scene, though…burn.) 

Anyway, now that the news is that Wersching has been cast as a series regular on 24 this season, I must ask that GH take a rare good piece of dialogue to heart, and not recast.  It seems like this is a good opportunity to sunset both the character and the asinine "talk show about Sam's heroic...ish exploits" storyline. 

So long, Fivehead (note: is a term of endearment). We hardly knew ya, Amelia.  Well, we did, and at first we were annoyed by you, then we grew to adore your crazy self, but then you started worshiping Jason (because there just isn't enough of THAT on this show) and we became pretty indifferent to you.  Love the new hair, though!

Another One Bites The Dust

According to her myspace, Adrianne Leon was fired from The Young and the Restless, making her the second awesome younger actress unceremoniously dumped from the show in the last nine months (remember Davetta Sherwood and how Lily and Daniel were an awesome couple? Those were some blissful times). I question the wisdom of firing a charismatic actress while keeping the one-note and horrible haired Adrienne Frantz front and center but, hey, I didn't just win half an Emmy for best show, so what do I know?

I really grew to like Adrianne Leon after not being a fan of hers when she did her stint on General Hospital. I think it was cemented when Colleen gave the awesome toast at Victoria's bridal shower. So I'm really sorry to see her go. Here's her announcement:

And the saga continues.....

Well, I wish I had a positive follow up to that last post but unfortunately- for me at least :)- This one isn't much brighter. You guys have been there for me through thick and through thin (pun intended :) ) and many of you....from show to show and character to character- so I felt that you had the right to know before everyone else. I absolutely love you all and know that this is the least I can do....

I was notified today that I will no longer be part of the cast of Y&R and that the last day I worked (last week) was actually my last day there. I wish I would have known that then... and had taken the opportunity to let everyone know just how much I enjoyed working with them in addition to how greatly they will be missed.

I love and adore the cast/crew and production and I am very thankful to Sony/CBS, Marnie Saitta, Barbara Bloom, Ed and Kathy, Y&R and all others involved in my casting.... for providing me with this amazing opportunity. It has been an honor to work with yet again, an award winning cast and crew (not to mention loving, supportive, professional....a wonderful second family)...and to have been part of not only an amazing show but the number one daytime drama. That's been a blast. I hold only fond memories (well minus this one) and wish the show all the best especially with their future Colleen plans. She's a wonderful character and has so much potential.

Emphasis added.

If that means what I think it means, then my feelings toward the current producers of Y&R are moving from mild irritation to outright anger. And what a way to fire her, huh? "Your last day of work was actually your last day of work ever. Thanksforallofyourhardworkgoodluckinthefuture,pleaseleavetheset". Ice cold.

So, what, in the past year Adrianne Leon, Davetta Sherwood, Eileen Davidson, Jerry Douglas and longtime producer Ed Scott (husband of Melody Thomas Scott) were dumped. Very, very interesting.

News & Notes

I totally forgot to comment on the news that Scott Clifton is leaving GH. Well...good riddance!

I kid, I kid. For most of his tenure on the show, he was truly stellar and Dillon was a great, unique character. He and Georgie were a fantastic couple and he pulled off comedy, drama and romance better than actors twice his age, but the producers (and this is shocking) completely squandered his talent by turning him into a buffoon with hardly any screentime. So it's better that he leave now and go onto greener pastures rather than be like his onscreen brother and get trotted out twice a year for emergencies. I wish him luck and I hope he does well outside of Port Charles.

In serious news, James Reynolds had emergency heart surgery and will be off of Days for six weeks. We send him our best wishes and hope for a speedy recovery.

It's An Invasion!

If you were to ask me what I would suggest doing to give Days of Our Lives  a much needed burst of energy, I'd probably suggest stranding Belle and Shawn on the island of misfit toys forever and taking John out of the coma (if only to give us the eyebrow we've been deprived of for so long!) and banning the word "hairbrush" and giving Steve a normal brain and letting go of the idea that Max is some sort of studly sex god...

But, you know, bringing back all of the freaking DiMeras could be the answer also. Provided that they leave behind their weirdo supernatural Melaswen unfrozen undead pinata stuffed brand of evil. Cold and calculating evil is fine, though!

And Leann Hunley?!?!? Awesome. I'm very excited about that, although I feel sort of badly for her now that Roman is played by Josh Taylor. Pacey Witter to the monotone bag of Botox? Downgrade!

Make Some Donuts in Her Honor

Warning, humor-free post ahead . . . Apparently Frances Reid has fallen quite ill and will no longer be appearing on Days of Our Lives.  She has been playing Alice Horton for a staggering 43 years, since the first episode.  We wish this lovely daytime matriarch good health.

Casting News

If you are like Evil But Twinless and are majorly swoony for tiny men who never age and who repeatedly get treated like crap by the producers of shows they work for, you, too, will be thrilled to learn that Billy Warlock is making his way to Genoa City.

Let's ignore the fact that (a)the entire Senate race story is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever watched (b)since Jack is Y&R's character who can do nothing right, his campaign manager will go down in flames with him and I feel badly that Billy Warlock will have to go through that again and (c)it's getting creepy that he looks exactly like he did in 1987 and be just happy that he is once again on daytime. Yay!

Very Important Memo

DATE: March 27, 2007

TO: Julie Hanan Carruthers, Jill Farren Phelps, Frank Valentini

FROM: Brian Frons

RE: VERY IMPORTANT - Updated Info

As you all know, we've been moving forward full steam ahead with our new goal of younging up ABC Daytime and you've been doing a great job:)

Frank added a big name to his list today by getting rid of Phil Carey. Your bonus check is in the mail, Frank! Way to go!

We've been making a lot of progress, but we still have some work to do. Remember, the viewers want to see NEW characters, not the same one's they've been watching and attached to for decades. They just don't know it yet.

I have some suggestions:

- Julie, do you think we could possibly bump Susan Lucci to recurring status? And then possibly only show her on the phone with Kendall, Josh or Bianca, much in the manner of Chrissy on Three's Company?

- Frank: we can't have Vicki and Dorian, we can only have one or the other. Which one is older? Fire that one.

- Unrelated, but Jill, I think we should look into bringing Courtney back. Maybe she has a twin sister who can get together with Jason, or a cousin on her mother's side who can be Sonny's new love interest. Please let me know what you think.

Thanks for all of your effort and hard work. Pretty soon, we'll have the median ABC Daytime cast age down to 27 and ratings will be through the roof.

Brian

UPDATED GOAL TRACKING

JULIE

Julia Barr Cady McClain

David Canary

JILL

Stuart Damon

Tony Geary

John Ingle (again)

Jackie Zeman

FRANK

Phil Carey

Hilary B. Smith

Robert S. Woods

- Promising Ingénue

Shocking Shockingness, Illustrated!

I could not pass up the opportunity to augment Promising Ingenue's post about Judi Evans' return to Days as Adrienne Johnson Kiriakis with the following photo:

That is the doofiest Wally Kurth ever has or ever could look.  The poor dear.  And Judi looks like his middle school teacher, taking advantage of the slightly slow boy with dimples. Anyway, yay for the return of Adrienne!  Let's hope she doesn't bring her old hair or wardrobe back to Salem.  Poor Judi Evans has been through enough of bad coifs and ensembles lately, with the unfortunate Bonnie years.  I think it also goes without saying that if Adrienne is accompanied by a talking dog, or not by four adorable Kiriakis kids, there is going to be hell to pay.

Shocking Shockingness!

I'll start off with the most IMPORTANT AND GROUNDBREAKING piece of news in soap opera history: Liz is apparently pregnant with Jason's baby on General Hospital. I KNOW! Shocking, isn't it? I wish they'd mention it more on the show...

In other shocking soap news, look for Judi Evans to make her triumphant return to Days of Our Lives as the character she used to play who didn't make me want to bash my head against a brick wall. Hurray and hurrah! I love the Johnson family, and the thought of all three of them on the show together again is enough to make me giddy.

Another Days cast member recently handed her walking papers is headed back to soaps, but this time it's The Young and the Restless to recast the unrecastable Victoria Rowell:

Hot on the heels on fan favorite Victoria Rowell (Drucilla, Young And The Restless) announcing that she is leaving the show, comes rumors that Renee Jones (ex-Lexie, Days Of Our Lives) has been picked to replace her in the role of Drucilla.

That's just weird. I hope it's just a rumor, because, again, nobody can play Dru and also, Renee Jones? For real? I just can't imagine her playing anything but the world's most incompetent doctor and the show's second most pornographic actress.

- Promising Ingénue

Ding, Dong, The Headwriter's Gone

I've been on cloud nine since a delightful reader told me the wonderful news that Megan McTavish has been officially fired. It's just...beautiful. I keep having these daydreams that all of the past couple of years will be done away with and there will be no Aborted Fetus, and no Zarf/Zoe, and no pancake murders and no torturing for Tad and no incredibly true adventures of an autistic teenager married to a murderer and no hackneyed breakup for Jack and Erica...

The woman is a poison. She's quite nearly on par with Jill Farren Phelps as far as show ruining goes. I mean, her most recent tenure on AMC goes without saying, but DID YOU KNOW that when she was the head writer at General Hospital , she was responsible for:

- Loon Lake

- Unfrozen Stavros

- Luke and Felicia

- AJ on the meathook

Perhaps most chillingly, the introduction of Courtney Matthews That's a whole lot of dreck in a concentrated amount of time. In some states, she would have been prosecuted and could have gotten twenty years to life in prison.

I'm No Martha, But Cute Boys Are a Very Good Thing

General Hospital news - new and returning hot men!  I will not snark on such pleasant developments.

After a long break, Ingo Rademacher is back in Port Charles as Jasper "Jax" Jacks on Feb. 27. The Aussie hunk won't be happy to find out that his fiancée, Carly, remarried her ex-husband, Sonny, while he was away.

Don't you miss Wally Kurth as Tracy's son, Ned Ashton? He's got three GH airdates coming up: Feb. 28, March 6 and March 8. Appropriately enough, Ned will deliver the eulogy at the funeral of his uncle, the soon-to-be-deceased Dr. Alan Quartermaine (Stuart Damon).

Leave it to the messed-up Maxie Jones (Kirsten Storms) to fall "in like" with a ski-masked terrorist while locked in that vault. Jason Gerhardt — who plays the hostage taker known as Three — has been signed as a GH contract player. FYI, they've given Three the cute name Cooper to go with his teen-magazine good looks. Nice hair, Coop!

- Evil But Twinless

Half a Supercouple Is Not So Super

I've been on vacation and therefore haven't watched soaps in two weeks, so forgive me if as a result I'm just overrun with rationality - but doesn't this strike you as a very bad idea?  (For those of you who are link-averse, Matthew Ashford says he's coming back to Days later this winter.)  I was a fan of Jack and Jennifer, though I think they'd mostly run their course when the characters were written off the show last fall (at the actors' request, I thought I'd read).  I mean, how many more times could they "kill" Jack and make Jen mourn him before bringing him back from the dead?  Note to Days writers:  That is not a challenge!

I admit it's too bad that Steve doesn't have more of his family with him in Salem, but if bringing back a Johnson sibling is the goal then why not bring back Adrienne, with Justin and their boatload of children?  Now that Victor's all deliciously evil again, he and Justin could do another battle of good vs. evil, and his kids could bring a bunch of new teen characters to town so that the Salem youngsters could cut it out with all the relative-dating.

Why would Jack come back to town without Jennifer?  Why would Jack come back to town at all when he supposedly got some dream job in London just a few months ago?  Why did the showrunners go to the trouble of giving Jack and Jennifer a big send-off if they were just going to bring them back less than half a year later?  Why does all this make me think they're going to recast Jennifer?  I guess I'll just sum up my reaction to this news item thusly . . . why?

- Evil But Twinless

Whistlin' Dixie

Another one bites the dust: Cady McClain will be leaving AMC next month.

I have to say, if she chose to leave, I don't blame her. Dixie's entire return has been a hack job since the start, doing insane things like giving away the child she and Tad tried so hard to have, hiding out for years letting her loved ones think she was dead, skulking around Pine Valley for months in secret, going after Zach in such a bizarre way this summer. I know Cady wanted a different Dixie than the sweet and pure one she played for so long, but there is a big difference between "multi-layered, complex and slightly naughty" and "deranged". I used to love Dixie, and I loved Tad and Dixie together, but Megan McTavish ruined them.

I know that I called Dixie a whore a lot this summer and mocked Cady's Botox and blinky thing, but I really do think she deserves better than this craphole of a show gave her and I hope she finds employment on another show that is worthy of her talent.

(So help me God, if Dixie is killed by the "Satin Slayer" and Tad decides Krystal is the love of his life and decides to raise Kate with her and the daughter they conceived when she cheated on her husband, I will probably resort to mass violence).

- Promising Ingénue

Now They're Just Trying to Piss Me Off

ABC has announced its sequel to the untimely dissing of Julia Barr with the news that they have fired Stuart Damon.

Say it with me, guys: Bull. Shit.

Yes, Alan has been pretty much a nonentity in recent years, but whose fault is that? Not Stuart Damon's. It's the writers who have refused to create storylines for anybody who isn't playing Jason, Sonny, Carly or [Insert name of Jason's girlfriend here]. And that's just not right. The past storylines where Alan was given something to do besides roll his eyes at the wacky goings on in the Quartermaine mansion have been few and far between over the past decade, but the man has been golden in the rare opportunities he's had to shine.

What this comes down to is an enormous lack of respect for a person who has been with this show for 30 years--firing him before his 30th anniversary is really infuriating to me. Alan Quartermaine has been an enormous part of General Hospital's history, from the quad with Monica, Rick and Lesley to assorted affairs, ELQ dealings, acting as Robin's doctor in the Stone AIDS Story, losing his son to the mob and Alan's drug addiction. It just seems so cruel and callous to fire him and to kill Alan off. It's not like he will be given a proper send off; that only happens to people involved in the mob world.

So who else will ABC fire? Jackie Zeman? Michael E. Knight? Susan Lucci? It's not, you know, like people have grown up with these characters and are genuinely interested in them. No, let's not even take advantage of the fact that soap operas have such rich histories. Let's ignore everything that we didn't create. That's totally the way it works!

Sigh. Let's watch some Stuart Damon clips and help me remember that the man is truly too good for the crap this show has become...

GH 35th Anniversary Clips

With Jason's baby momma Susan Moore

Winning the Emmy

Saying goodbye to Robin (<--WARNING: THIS MAY BREAK YOUR HEART)

-Promising  Ingénue

Random News and Notes

I am getting really anxious to go home and watch Days of Our Lives because I understand that it is a red letter day for Steve and Kayla, which...eeeeeee!!! School and work should be closed in honor of things like this!

In the mean time, I bring you random news and notes in lieu of anything groundbreaking or amusing. I apologize in advance.

From Best Week Ever: Zarf or Mary Cheney?

Soap Opera Digest confirms that old School Philip will be returning as Philip. How very Y&R to recast a recast with a former recast!

Speaking of the Y&R/Days connection, Eileen Davidson's TV Guide Interview pretty much confirms that (a)the powers that be totally screwed her and (b)she rules. And this gave me a jolt of hope:

Davidson: Obviously, I get asked that alot. It's a different writing team now over there, too. My character is out there.... I'm open to anything, but I don't watch Days so I don't know if that would work.

It would work! It would! It would! Hogan, are you taking notes?! Get her back!

In even more Days news, NBC is once again trying the risky gamble of allowing fans to vote to name Hope and Bo's baby. In theory, it's nice of them to involve viewers like this. In practice, we have stupid, stupid names being voted for

Bridget Brady--what?! I shouldn't expect anything else for the daughter of Bo Brady, but still

Cassidy Brady--I guess it's decent. But only just. And it's so Y&R/Veronica Mars <li>Ciara Brady--only if she comes out of the womb singing "My Goodies", which she very well could, since Hope has been pregnant for three years already

Darcy Brady--like Mr. Darcy?

Rori Brady--"Let's take the nickname of a much loved character on a popular CW show, and fug it up with a random i! That's the ticket!"

Over on ABC, it seems as though they are finally taking baby steps to help save their soaps from drowning in a sea of bad characters and stupid storylines

ABC SNAPS UP Y&R VETS (ex Y&R HWs Jack Smith & Kay Alden now consulting on all the ABC soaps. Alden is concentrating first on the struggling AMC. Insiders say Smith will be consulting primarily on GH).

That is awesome. Oh, sure, they sucked as Y&R headwriters, but isn't anything better than Bob Guza and Megan McTavish, including random chimpanzees? They need to be fired and perhaps tarred and feathered...

-Promising Ingénue

Casting News

Davetta Sherwood is out as Lily on The Young and the Restless in favor of Lily #1, Christel Kahlil. Yes, the same Christel Khailil who only exhibited chemistry of any kind with her uncle/actual biological father Malcolm. Yes, the same Christel Khalil who showed up to the Daytime Emmys looking like a deranged figure skater. This totally reeks of Bad Idea Jeans to me.

Over on Days of Our Lives, the new Shawn Brady makes his very first appearance. I'm taking bets: will he match the magic of Charity Rahmer, who got fired the same day her first appearance aired? Or will he manage to last a whole week, despite looking like he is the same age as Bo and Hope? Or will he manage to not suck? Winner gets a free Marlena dartboard! Speaking of the Very Experienced™ Charity Rahmer, I think we could all use a trip down memory lane to marvel at her talents.

You're welcome.

-Promising Ingénue