I'm sure you've all heard by now that next month, General Hospital will be adding Vincent Pastore to its ranks. Because, as is patently obvious to anyone who pays attention, what GH needed was an actual Sopranos cast member, to play another Port Charles mobster. And the family that needed more attention on the canvas was that longstanding, nuanced, layered, entertaining, diverse clan: The Giambettis. Max and Milo have a daddy, you guys. And we need to learn ALL about him. What if there is fascinating familial background to the two mostly random dudes who guard Sonny and Jason that we don't know? That would be horribly shoddy storytelling!
ANYWAY. Pastore is the latest on a growing list of celebrities who are inexplicably claiming that GH and All My Children are awesome, must-see television, in this "Everybody Has Their Something" campaign. (I'm leaving OLTL out of this, because, you know....you OLTL fans kind of scare me. Plus A Martinez just started a gig there, so the show must truly be, or is about to become, totally awesome.)
I'm sorry, but the power of this campaign is lost on me. I mean, Scary Spice Mel B was awesome on -- and totally should have won -- Dancing With the Stars (Maks!!!!), but hearing her say she adores All My Children doesn't make me want to watch AMC, it makes me want to sit down and have a long talk with Mel B about what makes something bad (along those same lines we will also chat about much of her wardrobe, and that thing that she did that rhymes with "joob bob"). It also makes me want to double-check that Mallory's apartment is soundproofed so her screams of frustration don't disturb her neighbors. (As a big Spice Girls fan, I'm sure Mel's endorsement of AMC is extremely traumatic for Mal. She won't talk about it, but there are certain things friends just know in their souls.)
ANYWAY (part two). In one of Pastore's ads, he says that Sonny is his favorite character on GH. This is totally shocking information! I totally thought he was going to say Alexis or Tracy.
If you can't bring yourself to watch Vinnie extol the virtues of the mobster who ate Port Charles, perhaps you'd prefer this promo shot, from one of those effing annoying emails from SOAPNet which contain approximately 12% soap-related content:
Oh, Vinnie. I've got my General Hospital, too. Mine aired during the Clinton administration, though.