Serial Drama

Vintage Suds: Days Rings in 1989

What better than a late-1980s holiday episode of Days of Our Lives to kick off our Vintage Suds feature?  If you loved Days in its heyday, or aren't a Days viewer but want to remember what soaps were like when they weren't mind-numblingly boring/awful and you weren't ashamed to tell your friends you watched them, read on.

Steve and Kayla run down from the loft's bedroom to the living area and banter/frolick as they were always known to do.  (Kayla, by the way, is in a peignoir and strappy nightgown.  From watching soaps, I thought every woman had dozens of those, and wondered why my mom was so unglamorous.)  Steve knows there's something Kayla wants to tell him, so she drops a mini-bomb: "I want us to have a baby."  Steve looks shocked, then dubious, then happy.  Over the span of three seconds.  Because Stephen Nichols has never not kicked ass, you guys.

DETOUR:  I know I've mentioned this before, but I spent a decent part of the 1980s coveting Mary Beth Evans' hair.  Her bangs, at least as Kayla, were spectacular.  In this scene they aren't that high, but they're still amazing in their improbability (since she was supposed to have just rolled out of bed).

Also, it is worth noting that I could post current screencaps of Steve and Kayla and you'd have trouble distinguishing them from these.  I don't know what deity or gene pool or surgeon Mary Beth Evans and Stephen Nichols have to thank for that, and I don't care.  It's just further evidence of their awesomeness.

Enough fawning; back to the show:  April is at the community center (man, I miss that set!) with her younger brother Julio when Mike arrives.  Michael Weiss as Mike, to be specific.  To me, even though he was Mike Horton #73, he is the Real Mike.  Anyway, he greets her:

Mike:  It takes your breath away:  April "Boom-Boom" Ramirez, in all her resplendent glory.

I found him totally charming at the time, but now with some distance, doesn't that line sound a bit Spinelli-ish? Oh god, I can't believe I just typed that.  Erase-erase-erase.

(I had forgotten that Mike ever had an acid-washed denim overcoat, but since I got past the fish ties, I suppose I can get past this too.)  Mike gets progressively more charming as he convinces April to go to the Kiriakis New Year's party later that evening (although it turns out he didn't even need to turn on the charm, because contrary to what he thought, she's actually happy to go).  Swoon, a big party!  Why don't soaps do those as much anymore?  That is a soapy staple I truly miss.

DETOUR:  You'll start to get sick of this, but I was in awe of April's hair.

At some point after this Lisa Howard got a cut with layers around her face.  In a fit of boredom resulting from the biology class I had to take at effing summer school to avoid having to take driver's ed at 7am in the fall semester (unnecessary additional evidence that a teenager will do anything to avoid getting up early in the morning), I tried to give myself that haircut with my mother's sewing scissors.  I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn that it did not turn out well.

Back to the show.  Jennifer is on the pier and runs into April's brother Emilio. 

New Feature Alert: Vintage Suds

We are so terribly bored by our soaps these days, and find blogging about them so taxing, that we decided to go back in time to try to recapture our enthusiasm for the genre.  We therefore announce the launch of a new feature, Vintage Suds, in which we recap episodes from our shows when our love/hate relationship was more on "love" and less on "hate."  Not surprisingly, we had to go a looong way back.  Well, also the tapes that Becca found in her basement during a fit of OCD-like cleaning are NBC shows from the late 80s and early 90s, so that was a time-determining factor as well. 

Maybe you have more recent -- or even more dated, for that matter -- episodes you'd like one of us to recap?  Head on over to our Serial Drama Dish forums and post a link to the ep online, or email us if you'd like to arrange to send us a tape. 

We're so excited about this new venture that we've sprayed our bangs high, padded our shoulders wide, and applied our makeup with a trowel.  We're nothing if not committed.  Well, we're not really committed to our shows these days, but we're committed to being enthusiastic about detailing the many ways in which our shows used to be much, much better than they are now. 

Our Column in the 7/22 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

Our latest My Take/My Take, Too column appears in the July 22nd issue of Soap Opera Digest, on newsstands today. Our editors asked us to give our thoughts on the Daytime Emmy Awards and, remarkably, we were able to do so without swearing. We wonder what some Emmy voters were thinking, question the production values of the pre-show and ceremony and weep again over the fact that General Hospital was named Outstanding Daytime Drama.

Days of Our Lives Month and a Half in Review

Yeesh, what a difference six weeks makes.  I was in such a good Days place, I even busted out the Awesome Alert Scale.  But since then, it's all kind of...fizzled.  There have been a few highlights, and the daily dialogue isn't bad, but I just don't understand where the show is going.  As far as I can tell, the big points of focus right now are:

• Chelsea and Daniel's "romance"
• Max
• Chloe/Phillip/Morgan
• Lexie and Abe
• Midol

Oh, sorry, that last one was only a focus of one episode.  More on that later.  But really, has there been an episode in weeks that hasn't primarily revolved around one of the first three?  And is there any reason I should be interested?  Chelsea and Daniel -- repulsive.  Max -- seriously?  Who decided he was a lead character?  And can we take a vote or something?  And Chloe and Morgan -- I don't want to talk smack about anything that puts the very handsome Jay Kenneth Johnson on my screen, particularly in various stages of undress, but this triangle could not be less interesting if it involved actual geometry.

I continue to be thoroughly entertained by the new John Black.  It's gotten to the point where all he needs to do is refer to his house as "my mansion" and I giggle.  Let alone when he says something truly funny and I lose all pretense of jaded soap fan/critic.

John:  Alone at last.
Hope:  What do we have here?
John:  I believe that's an old photo album belonging to my half-brother.
Hope:  To look at this you'd think the DiMeras were just your average happy family.  Nothing but smiling faces.
John:  Still, I'll bet it brings back some memories for you also.
Hope:  There's nothing I care to remember about Stefano DiMera.
John:  And I can't remember.  Which is kind of a nice thing about having amnesia, only along with all the bad stuff I've lost all the good stuff too.
Hope:  I know.  Your life with Marlena, the kids, your career.
John:  Nah, I was thinking about something else.
Hope:  Such as?
John:  The time you and I had spine-shattering sex on a submarine.

The rest of the conversation is not worth transcribing, even with John's awesomely smug description of the many "notches on [his] bedpost" despite his supposed devotion to Marlena.  Wait, that's not true, it's worth transcribing, but I was still laughing from "spine-shattering sex on a submarine" so I couldn't focus.  And I wasn't even watching when the submarine sex happened!  It's funny just as a stand-alone line, especially Drake Hogestyn's delivery.  His delivery of almost every line he says cracks me up -- and it's meant to!  I don't even know how to adjust to that after all these years. 

Further Evidence of How Bad the Emmy Pre-Show Was

We did not get to see this, an ensemble that would have provided endless fodder throughout the live blogging.  I could have thought of it when GH won for best drama series and smiled, instead of crying and throwing things.  I mean seriously, Judith Chapman has a fan AND a parasol!  While attired in black silk pajamas!  Fantastic.

Also, our readers kindly pointed out that while Jason Thompson may in fact have been hotly absent, James Scott was very much present; he was just ignored by all camerapeople during both the pre-show and the ceremony.  The only reasonable explanation is that including him would have made the other men feel bad about themselves; his exclusion was a self-esteem-building exercise.  Well done, ABC!

The Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza

Becca (8:00:35 PM): Oh no, they're opening with a sketch.  This is going nowhere good.
Mallory (8:00:46 PM): A sketch! Oh, Cameron Mathison! If only he didn't play daytime's most odious character
Mallory (8:01:21 PM): Did she just sniff Thorsten Kaye? Do you know how many people would pay for that honor?

Mallory (8:03:02 PM): This is easily the best AMC related thing to happen in months, by the way. Make of that what you will
Becca (8:03:17 PM): Is that a laugh track?  Live people aren't actually finding this amusing, right?
Mallory (8:03:52 PM): Maybe they took a cue from Bryan Dattilo and got a little sloshed
Becca (8:04:14 PM): He is a smart man.

Becca (8:04:39 PM): Hey, I just realized, why did we see like eight Days actors, yet no James Scott?
Becca (8:04:43 PM): That is unacceptable.
Mallory (8:04:48 PM): It's criminal!

Mallory (8:05:16 PM): The split second glimpse of Ellen and Portia was better than anything we saw on the entire pre-show
Becca (8:05:41 PM): I missed them!  Did Ellen dress like Col. Sanders again this year?  Because that was fun.

Becca (8:05:55 PM): Oh no, this year she's Zorro.
Mallory (8:06:44 PM): I am already sick of Ricky Paull Goldin and Beth Ehlers and she hasn't even started airing yet
Becca (8:07:13 PM): Why?  It's not like ABC has been pimping her out like she's a streetwalker tonight, or anything.

Becca (8:07:34 PM): My god, was that just a three-minute AMC commercial those three just "spontaneously" did?
Mallory (8:07:48 PM): I think it was. Brian Frons has no shame

Becca (8:08:07 PM): The Table Cam might be a worse idea than last year's viewer videos.  I didn't think that was possible.
Becca (8:08:19 PM): Laura Wright looks spectacular.
Mallory (8:08:22 PM): Laura Wright looks fab

Mallory (8:08:34 PM): But she and Sarah Brown don't look like they are supposed to be at the same event

Becca (8:08:41 PM): Sarah Brown's hair and makeup are great, but that dress is very goth prom.

Becca (8:09:00 PM): And Tony Geary does the shiny suit weird tie thing again.  Sigh.  I love him anyway.
Mallory (8:09:45 PM): I'm really glad that we didn't get to see him during the pre-show! Seeing Jordan Pruitt was way more important than being able to mock his shiny suit an hour ago
Becca (8:10:14 PM): Right.  That Frons guy sure is smart.
Becca (8:10:19 PM): Gina Tognoni wins!

Becca (8:10:32 PM): She seems awesome, so I'm happy for her.  Heather Tom does not look happy for her.

Mallory (8:10:51 PM): Heather Tom's bitchface was just a thing of beauty. Yay for Gina, though!
Becca (8:11:13 PM): Why did she have to thank God first?  I hate that.
Becca (8:11:43 PM): I think Heather Tom must be thanking God they panned away from her so fast.
Mallory (8:11:47 PM): It always makes me uncomfortable when they do that
Becca (8:12:50 PM): I want to hear one of the losers in the post-interview be like "I totally would have won, if only God hadn't been in such a pissy mood."
Mallory (8:13:30 PM): Right? "Whatever, this was rigged! I'm still being punished for stealing gum when I was six!"

The Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza: Red Carpet Arrivals

And...we're off!  We will update this post and the ceremony one throughout the night, with our live blogging chat and then with screencaps/photos.  Please keep checking back for updates; you never know what fashion triumph or tragedy will greet you.

Becca (6:02:30 PM): OMG IT'S STARTING!!!
Becca (6:02:32 PM): Ahem
Mallory (6:02:45 PM): EEEEEE!!!
Mallory (6:02:58 PM): SOAPNet really ought to pay for a better voiceover person. She could not sound more bored
Mallory (6:03:13 PM): I am appalled that Sam Champion is making an appearance.
Becca (6:03:25 PM): WTF?  No, Rebecca Budig, no.

Becca (6:03:35 PM): That dress looks like she's being disemboweled.
Mallory (6:03:53 PM): This is what I don't understand: you are rich. You are famous. You look like Rebecca Budig. And that's the dress you choose?
Becca (6:04:15 PM): Seriously, that pink...thing on the red satin looks like intestines.  Why, why, why?
Becca (6:04:29 PM): On the other hand, Finola Hughes looks fantastic.

Mallory (6:04:38 PM): She really does!
Becca (6:04:48 PM): On the other other hand, Ricky Paull Goldin looks like a waiter.
Mallory (6:04:56 PM): How can you be rising at the same time as being a superstar?

Becca (6:05:15 PM): And how can you be a superstar if I've never heard your name?  Wait, don't answer that, I know I'm unhip.
Becca (6:05:21 PM): You kids and your pop stars
Mallory (6:05:35 PM): Do not blame this on my generation! Some of us have taste
Becca (6:06:03 PM): Some of you who aren't famous?
Mallory (6:06:49 PM): I don't understand the purpose of what is happening right now. Why is she singing? Why are people pretending to care?

Mallory (6:07:17 PM): And why is SOAPNet doing a small split screen for the red carpet arrivals? Are they so inept that they are capable of ruining the concept of a red carpet show?
Becca (6:07:27 PM): Did you really have to ask that?
Becca (6:07:44 PM): Is this girl Brian Frons' niece or something?
Mallory (6:08:21 PM): I am not mentally ready to start thinking about Night Shift
Mallory (6:08:47 PM): And I keep getting distracted by Rebecca Budig's HORRIBLE hair and the...organ looking ornamentation on her dress. Please make it stop.
Becca (6:08:57 PM): Rebecca Budig's dress is a crime against all that is good and right in the world [James Scott].
Becca (6:09:17 PM): I know.  But now that I found out that Tristan Rogers and Antonio Sabato Jr. are going to be on it, I'm almost...optimistic.  I can't believe I just said that.
Mallory (6:09:57 PM): I love the Shoe Cam! It appeals to me at my shallowest

Becca (6:10:21 PM): Seriously.  I want one for when I go out with friends.  "Lisa is wearing a Fendi black patent slingback..."
Mallory (6:11:19 PM): I do not like Farah Fath's necklace at all

Becca (6:11:55 PM): Yeah, she looks great except for the giant crucifix that even 1989 Madonna would be all "oh no, that's OTT"

Mallory (6:12:23 PM): Her makeup looks good, though, and it's way subtle for her
Becca (6:12:56 PM): Well, pancake is way subtle for her, but yeah, she does look great

Mallory (6:13:59 PM): Adrienne Frantz is distractingly skinny. And the hair...sorry, I can't say anything negative about her just in case she's still dating Jason Segel and can introduce me to James Franco
Becca (6:14:23 PM): You like him?  You've kept that so quiet. 
Becca (6:14:28 PM): Except for the billboard, I mean.
Becca (6:14:34 PM): And the mocked-up wedding announcements.
Mallory (6:14:56 PM): I like to plan ahead so that our wedding is all taken care of, just in case it happens
Mallory (6:19:43 PM): I know Sherri Shepherd thinks the world is flat or whatever, but her role as Angie on 30 Rock has earned her a lifetime free pass from me. She's adorable

Becca (6:20:54 PM): Oh, we are going to brawl, Mal -- she bugs the crap out of me.
Becca (6:21:05 PM): Seriously, she thinks the world is flat!
Mallory (6:21:38 PM): But she's hilarious with Tracy and Kenneth the page!
Becca (6:21:59 PM): You know I adore 30 Rock, but no.  She bugs me!
Mallory (6:22:10 PM): Whatev!
Mallory (6:22:20 PM): Finola talks like three miles a minute and I find it endlessly endearing
Becca (6:22:34 PM): She has the inflections of a 15-year-old.  It's hilarious.
Becca (6:23:07 PM): Heather Tom's makeup is fabulous, and her hair is a huge improvement over last year's terrible ponytail, but I'm not sold on the dress.  And I really liked Jack on Project Runway!

Mallory (6:23:12 PM): Could SOAPNet BE more inept? This is pathetic. The local access channel runs smoother
Becca (6:23:39 PM): The only clip they've had ready to roll was that horrible "behind the scenes" piece with Cameron and Sherri.  And I've seen more interesting driver ed films.

Mallory (6:23:55 PM): Her hair and makeup look gorgeous. I don't like the bodice of the dress, but I love the color

Becca (6:24:22 PM): The color is beautiful.  I have a feeling it will look better in still shots, too.
Becca (6:24:37 PM): It's not a disaster or anything.  I just expected to be wowed.  Wow me, people! 

Don't Forget: Live-Blogging the Emmys Tonight

We know you all must be as excited about the totally relevant and truly merit-based Daytime Emmy awards as we are, but in your giddiness please don't forget to click on over to Serial Drama this evening for our Second Annual Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza!  We'll start red carpet coverage with the SOAPNet pre-show at 6pm EST, then cover the ceremony starting at 8pm EST.  Screencaps will go up throughout the night.  Bring on the fashion disasters and unjustified winners!

(Last year's red carpet and ceremony live blogging, for those who missed it or who need an Emmy fix before tonight.)

Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column

In our most recent Soap Opera Digest column, we were all about the Daytime Emmys. After the jump, our thoughts about the nominations, our outrage over several snubs, our fervent hope that two certain shows don't walk away with the title of Outstanding Daytime Drama and a plan to make Kirsten Storms a faux Emmy to call her own.

The Best Hair in Daytime?

Last week, the Academy handed out the Creative Arts & Entertainment Daytime Emmy Awards.  I know, I know -- you were thinking there were no awards less relevant than the regular Daytime Emmys!  But there so, so are.

For example, Days of Our Lives won for Outstanding Achievement in Hairstyling.  Yes, the Days of Our Lives that you and I, viewers who possess the power of sight and at least marginally good taste, watch.  I'm not saying there aren't great hairstyles on this show; there totally are.  But this is the best hair in soaps?

O...kay.  General Hospital is totally winning for best show, you guys.

Most screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.

Our Column in the 6/17 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

Be sure to pick up a copy of the June 17th issue of Soap Opera Digest, on newsstands today. In this month's My Take/My Take, Too, Becca and Mallory take on the Daytime Emmy award nominations and share their thoughts on the biggest snubs, the most outrageous nods and their fervent hope for red carpet awesomeness. This marks the offical start of our second annual Serial Drama Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza, so make sure to stop by over the coming days for Emmy posts, polls and predictions leading up to the show on Friday, June 20th.

Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column

In our most recent Soap Opera Digest column, we turned our ever-critical eyes to All My Children, Days of Our Lives and The Young and the Restless. After the jump, Mallory asks why long-lost twins and ghosts have become so trendy and practically begs the powers-that-be at AMC to bring Dixie back, while Becca learns the hard lesson that, when it comes to Days, first impressions aren't always right.

Days of Our Lives Month in Review

It's actually five weeks in review.  Yikes.  I know I have been falling down on the Days-blogging job.  I had been so uninspired by this show of late.  My revulsion at the Daniel/Chelsea relationship -- and their hair (since half resolved) -- perked me up enough to briefly blog, but other than that it hardly seemed worth the effort.  Then 1) I realized I had a month's worth of weeks in review notes stored up so that would almost be enough substance for a single post (seriously, it was draaaaagging), and 2) this last couple of weeks  Days suddenly became somewhat awesome again!  I'm even busting out the awesome alert scale!  Seriously!  Okay, I should be clear:  only parts of the show are awesome.  But those parts are awesome enough to warrant the awesome scale, and that is a huge improvement.

Things I find irresistible, no matter how bad they are:

• makeover shows
• Real World/Road Rules challenges
• a slow-burn soap romance involving a bad boy
• Hugh Grant's haircuts
  
• chocolate mousse deserts
• EJ Wells

So of course, I am ridiculously excited about everything associated with the EJ/Sami/Lucas/Nicole potential quad and all of the soapy deliciousness involving EJ and Sami in particular.  I have actually looked forward to watching Days episodes for the last week and half because of them.  I cannot tell you the last time that happened.  I think I had really big bangs. Whatever.  For the recent EJ and Sami developments, I'm busting out the big gun:

But in addition to that high honor, this level of soapiness has earned more detail.  Read on for soapy goodness!

Hooray for the Haircut! Now, About That Uber-Creepy "Romance" . . .

Rachel Melvin, finally you have a haircut that does you justice!

So adorable.  And SUCH an improvement.

Shawn Christian, you are still hot,

but please 1) get a haircut, and 2) urge the powers-that-be to give you a romantic storyline opposite an actress who was born before Reagan got elected (um, the first time, just to be clear).  (Or, in Daniel-speak?  "Dude, seriously, step away from the barely-legal.")

P.S.  Days Month in Review coming to a blog near you shortly; this show is getting good, y'all!  I can hardly believe I just typed that, but there you go.

Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.

Now THIS Is a Serious Problem

Lately, I've become increasingly concerned about Dr. Daniel Jonas and Chelsea Brady.  I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  It's clear to anyone with eyesight, and a sense of shame.  There can be no disagreement about the wrongness involved.  It's just indisputable. 

Right?  It's so obvious:

Their hair is fug.

Rachel Melvin's haircut is one of those that you catch a glimpse of and you think you must have seen it wrong.  Like, obviously she must just have it pulled back in a too-messy bun, or the camera just caught her at a bad angle.

But no.  That's actually it.  What in the effing eff is that effedupedness?!  What are those pieces in the front?  What is the possible logic in that?  Did her stylist say something really offensive halfway through the cut, necessitating a quick escape in a fit of righteous indignation?  Or is this what we have to look forward to now that 98% of women in this country have realized that no, they cannot pull off the Posh bob?

Our Column in the 5/13 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

Our latest My Take/My Take, Too marks our one year anniversary of writing for Soap Opera Digest, and we could not be more thrilled about it.  To be complete cheeseballs for a moment: we are extremely grateful to Stephanie Sloane and Lynn Leahey for giving us this column and allowing us to nitpick to our hearts' content.

The column is in the May 13th issue of Soap Opera Digest, which is on newsstands now and in it, Mallory wonders why All My Children and The Young and the Restless decided that long-lost twins and ghosts were the way to go: whatever happened to just bringing people back from the dead?  Becca admits that she may have been too quick to judge the potential awesomeness of Dr. Jonas and the potential trainwreckishness of a non-dead John Black.

Catch Our Broadcast Debut Tonight! ...Or Whenever

Tonight's the night!  We are all set to make our broadcast debut at 10 PM tonight on In The Zone Radio.

We're incredibly excited to join the gracious hosts for what will surely be a fun evening of soap dishing.  We're going to try really hard not to pepper too many sentences with "dude"s (Becca) and "like"s (Mallory).

We hope that you can tune in tonight!  If you want to call in, please do!  (Remember, it's your job not to make us seem like reader-less losers!)  The number is (347) 996-5978.  Or you can IM via AIM  at InTheZoneRadio, or email questions to inthezone@sonuni.com.

If you can't listen tonight, fear not:  The interview will be available as a podcast, so you won't need to miss one hypercritical moment.

Updated 5/7: Well, we debuted.  The host and at least a couple of listeners thought we were unfunny in person as opposed to in writing, and said so, which wasn't the highlight of our lives but it mostly got better from there.  And seriously, it's not like we haven't put a lot of criticism out into the atmosphere; it was bound to boomerang on us.  Doing the show was really a fun experience and we truly appreciate the opportunity.  Thanks very much to In the Zone Radio for having us on!

If you want to check out the podcast, it's available here in the upper right corner.  (Mallory starts at the 8:42 mark, Becca joins at 13:15, and we get called unfunny at around 52:30 and several times thereafter.  There's about a 75-minute live show and then we stayed on after that for an off-air chat.)  Since clearly we are in the process of expanding our multi-media empire, next on the list is an all-shirtless touring production of Xanadu starring James Scott, Jason Thompson, Peter Bergman, and Greg Vaughn.   We'll keep you posted.

It's May-December In the Sense That That's How Long I'll Be Shuddering

In case you haven't been paying attention, viewers (which would be excusable, given Days' pacing of late -- you could take a trip to Antarctica and return to people in Salem having the same conversations), these two are father and daughter:

But these two (remember, Chelsea is Morgan's college classmate, and Daniel easily could have been Paul's!) are a hot romantic couple in the making:

You should not be grossed out by this 21-year-old college student (who was 18 on the show just last year!) and her 40-something doctor getting it on.

No really, apparently this show thinks you shouldn't be. 

And Emmy Season Officially Begins!

There are few things in life that Becca and I enjoy more than the Daytime Emmys, as readers may remember from our 2007 Serial Drama Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza. It's a win-win situation for us, you know? If our favorites are nominated, we get to feel the exciting validation of "Yes! A strange body of voters who are prone to terrible mistakes agree that our favorite person to be named in the prehistoric prenom process should have a one in five chance of being called the year's best! Wooo!" and if they get snubbed, we can get our moral outrage on, all "How dare they not recognize the brilliance of [Insert Snubbed Actor Here]?! As God is my witness, I will never care about shoddily produced awards shows again!"

So between the potential for celebration AND criticism, we're on cloud nine and then if you throw in glorious or fugly fashion AND supermodels being upstaged by Muppets, it's pretty clear that this is the most wonderful time of the year.

Um...to sum these nominations up, I only have this to say: ...???...?!?!...???...

(and also: SUCK IT, BRIAN FRONS!)

(But mostly ...???...?!?!...???...)

Outstanding Younger Actor

Van Hansis (Luke, As the World Turns)
Jesse Lee Soffer (ex-Will, As The World Turns)
Darin Brooks (Max, Days of Our Lives)
Tom Pelphrey (ex-Jonathan, Guiding Light)
Bryton McClure (Devon, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Younger Actress

Jennifer Landon (ex-Gwen, As The World Turns)
Rachel Melvin (Chelsea, Days of Our Lives)
Vail Bloom (Heather, The Young and the Restless)
Emily O'Brien (Jana, The Young and the Restless)
Tammin Sursok (Colleen, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Supporting Actor

Trent Dawson (Henry, As the World Turns)
Daniel Cosgrove (Bill, Guiding Light)
Brian Kerwin (Charlie, One Life to Live)
Kristoff St. John (Neil, The Young and the Restless)
Greg Rikaart (Kevin, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Supporting Actress

Kelley Hensley (Emily, As The World Turns)
Heather Tom (Katie, The Bold and the Beautiful)
Judi Evens (ex-Adrienne, Days of Our Lives)
Gina Tognoni (Dinah, Guiding Light)
Tracey Bregman (Lauren, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Lead Actor

David Canary (Adam/Stuart, All My Children)
Thaao Penghlis (Tony/ex-Andre, Days of Our Lives)
Anthony Geary (Luke, General Hospital)
Peter Bergman (Jack, The Young and the Restless)
Christian Leblanc  (Michael, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Lead Actress

Maura West (Carly, As The World Turns)
Crystal Chappell (Olivia, Guiding Light)
Nicole Forester (Cassie, Guiding Light)
Michelle Stafford (Phyllis, The Young and the Restless)
Jeanne Cooper (Katherine, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Daytime Drama

General Hospital
Guiding Light
One Life to Live
The Young and the Restless

Thoughts about the nominees, after the jump! And remember--we don't watch some of the soaps nominated, so I'll only comment on the ones I know. Please feel free to share your thoughts about the nominations for As the World Turns, The Bold and the Beautiful, Guiding Light, One Life to Live and Passions in the comments.

Days of Our Lives Week in Review: The Recap-iest Version Ever

Apparently Days is trying out this neato new approach to soaps in which absofreakinglutely nothing happens Monday through Thursday, but Friday is a decent enough episode that you'll put up with four days of repetitive boringness just to get to it.  Or, if you're smart, you won't, and you'll just check in here and elsewhere for updates on what you "missed."  Because I really don't think we should reward this kind of plodding soap storytelling with increased viewership, cancellation on the table or not. 

Anyway, I take a few notes throughout the week as I'm watching, and those notes ultimately become Week in Review posts.  This week had exactly one note for the first four days of the week (I'm not over-exaggerating, sadly), so I'm going to try something new.  Since Friday was the only day really worth watching, I thought I'd just recap that ep for you guys.  Mallory and I had lots of fun with the General Hospital: Night Shift recaps, and until something horrible like a second season of that crap becomes a reality sprung from our nightmares, I'm in a bit of recap withdrawal.  We'll see how this goes.

Chelsea apologizes for being late to meet Kate for breakfast at the Brady Pub.  Chels slept through her alarm, girl after my own heart, but says breakfast was still a great idea because she needed to get out of the Kiriakis mansion.  Kate confirms that Victor is still treating Chelsea well but then launches into an uncharacteristically grandmotherly bit about Chelsea looking tired and pale.  Dr. Jonas shows up and scolds Chelsea for not taking care of herself.

Phillip and Nicole discuss their plan, which as Nicole helpfully exposits is "that I spy for you and that in exchange you use your influence with Victor to help me with my divorce settlement."  This is one of the many examples of why you needn't have watched the rest of the week, because it's the beginning to a possibly fun storyline, but 1) at this rate it will take 18 months to come to fruition, and 2) a character will tell you about it, in some detail, on a daily basis -- which you will enjoy if you are stupid, or a fan of James E. Reilly's  oeuvre.   Phillip reveals that the person Nicole will be  spying on is John Black.  Dun dun duuuuunnnnnn.

Cut to John Black,  who is mocking Rolf while talking to the impossibly hot Paul Hollingsworth.  I new he looked familiar, and Mallory was kind enough to point out last week that there is a reason for that:

Paul Hollingsworth is played by the ultra awesome Linden Ashby who (1) was on Y&R as a crazy (2) played Coop on Melrose and (3) has the best name in the history of naming.

I remember very little from the last few years of Melrose Place, which I only spottily watched, but I never completely forget a gorgeous face.  Oh, Linden Ashby.   You're so good-looking you reach that next plateau:  You fine.

Even furrowed, you fine.

Jack and Jennifer Would Be Appalled

The Fug Girls rightly fugged Ashley Benson, who used to play Abby on Days.  I am 1) really concerned about the 1/3 of readers who think that dress is okay, and 2) completely speechless at what a dead ringer she is for Taylor Momsen (Jenny from Gossip Girl) and how I never realized it until now.  (BTW, what's more disturbing about Taylor Momsen, that she is only 14 or that she was the little girl in the Grinch movie?  It's a close call.)

Also, on the topic of horrible soap fashions, the Daytime Emmys and our Second Annual Live-Blogging Extravaganza are less than a couple of months away.  Woooo!  Well, I'm looking forward to it.  What if there's another sarong?  Bliss.

Days of Our Lives Dozens of Weeks in Review

I realize I haven't done a non-bizarro Days post since about 2003, but I fell behind in episodes and unlike in high school, I can't fake it here if I'm behind on the required materials.  (Except with that one AP teacher who inexplicably made the daily homework assignments credit/no credit based only on whether you turned in a thought or question about the book, allowing you to get credit for stuff like "The heights, are they actually wuthering?  I'm finding this mystery fascinating!") 

Anyway, the good news is that I've returned with an epiphany!  And that is, a tremendous amount can happen in one day on Days.  If that day is a Saturday on which you watch 12 consecutive episodes.  ("Sitting" includes folding laundry, time on my elliptical machine, and assorted chores, lest you think I am a gigantic couch potato.)  But really, it's amazing how much forward story movement happens in, like, two and half weeks.  Well, it's not amazing really, just noteworthy.  If your notes are otherwise from the James E. Reilly era of a single day lasting for six months.

I'm talking in circles and not really getting anywhere here.  I should move on.  Hey, just like this show!

Let's hit the major stories first:

Bo is still sick.
Ava is still crazy.
Hope is still kidnapped.

Phew.  So much to say, so little space.

Our Column in the 4/8 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

If you're so inclined, check out our column on pages 44 and 45 of the issue of Soap Opera Digest that's in your mailbox or on newsstands now.  In it, Becca wonders whether she is the only soap fan/critic who thinks GH's special effects are garbage, and why anyone thinks it's important that soap sets be realistic.  Mallory, meanwhile, provides compelling evidence that All My Children and General Hospital are just reusing storylines from a few years ago -- and not even ones that were good TV the first time around.

Also in the issue are lots of updates about Days, and more celebration of GH's 45th anniversary than the damned show did itself, plus a pretty interesting article about the financial realities for soaps.

I Know I Owe You Guys a Days Post

But the thing is, I was posting so much about Days that I was worried you were getting bored!  So I pulled back a bit to make sure I wouldn't flood the blogging market.

The problem is definitely not that I have been finding the show so boring that I'm more than a week behind on episodes (and that I need to fashion some kind of toothpick device to prop my eyelids open while watching).  I have, in fact, been finding the show scintillating.  I love how there are so many stories going on at once, not something like Bo's illness taking up every show for three weeks.  I also like how all the stories are moving so quickly.

Days of Our Lives Couple of Weeks in Review. Sort Of. Not Really. I'm Too Bored, Y'all!

I don't know what's going on with this show, you guys.  It was so good just a few weeks ago, but this week it really started backsliding into mediocre-ville, or worse.  I still like most of the story arcs, but the dialogue is getting pretty bad.  I think John, Marlena, Hope, and Bo have been repeating the same lines for the last two weeks.  Which in the case of those four doesn't particularly bother me, because I adore John loathing Marlena and Hope and Bo being all suffering supercouple-y, but this could reach problematic levels soon.  If I have to hear people repeatedly refer to Lexie as a competent doctor, or Shawn and Belle's plans to rip off his parents' dream trip around the world over and over again, I may lose the will to blog.

There are a few things I'm especially concerned about.

Dr. Jonas is hot, but he is WAY too old for Chelsea.  Way.  I think he would have been great for her mom, but the idiots in charge let Julie Pinson go.  Romantic interests do not pass on to the next generation like real estate and collectibles!  If Deidre Hall retires, does John take up with Sami?  No.  They better redirect Dr. Dan to a more appropriate target soon, because it skeeves me every time I see him and Chelsea onscreen together. 

Are they just replaying the same scene of Ava locked in her room, being all batshit crazy, over and over again?  Is she ever going to do . . . anything?  I'm getting bored by her already, and that really shouldn't the case with an insane interloper.  I love them.

These Are the Soapy Components of Our Lives

Are you watching Days right now?  If not, you are missing out.  Especially if you are not watching Days and are watching GH.  I don't think I could continue on with soap-watching if I didn't have Days to balance out GH right now.  Take yesterday's episode; it had virtually every component of good soapiness.  (Bonus:  No Marlena!)

Classic supercouple, threatened by secrets from when she thought he was dead!

Batshit crazy interloper!

80s flashback!

((((((Mary Beth Evans' late-80s bangs))))))

Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column

In case you missed the March 4th issue of Soap Opera Digest (the reasoning behind missing out on a magazine prominently featuring Jason Thompson and Greg Vaughan on the cover and James Scott, shirtless, inside is foreign to both of us), our columns appear after the jump.  Becca wonders why Days of Our Lives has become so Marlena-centric at the same time that General Hospital is attempting to give some airtime to non-mob people; it's making her whole world topsy turvy, literally and figuratively.  Mallory praises the recent General Hospital writing (yes, you read that right) that gave us the newly heroic Lucky Spencer and criticizes the recent GH writing (ah, that's a familiar feeling) that took Lulu from, pardon the reference, a promising ingénue to Carly Part II.

Days of Our Lives Week in Review: The Sniffle Edition

I know I mock a lot of stuff about soaps -- that's kind of what we do here, you know? -- but honestly, there was little to make fun of this week on Days.  The show was full of many of the things I love most about soaps:  tragic death,  awful plastic surgery, ridiculous yet entertaining screwball comedic romance, unspecified fatal illness, hot men, and schmaltzy flashbacks.  Who doesn't love all that?

I've said before that Days gives good holiday, and I was reminded this week that it gives good funeral, too.  The last big one I remember was for Dr. Tom Horton, and that was extra sad because Macdonald Carey had passed away, but still, Days does these big family events very well.  That may be because, unlike say GH, Days is still centered around core families.

Days' dedication to keeping families at the center of the show make me fine with the fact that they killed off one of the patriarchs.  I know it's totally hypocritical of me, because if it were GH I'd be screaming bloody murder (in fairness, GH would totally kill off Edward Quartermaine via bloody murder, so at least there would be a theme), but I really think they handled Shawn Sr.'s death well.  They're getting good soapy mileage out of it, so I approve.  (My approval means so much, I'm sure.)

Truly, the funeral?  The kids' eulogies?  All the Irish toasts at the pub?  Made of awesome.  Mostly.

Our Column in the 3/4 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

Check your mailboxes or pop by a check-out stand near you, because our column is in the latest issue of Soap Opera Digest.  Becca discusses her personal lack of balance in the literal sense, Days of Our Lives' lack of balance with respect to Marlena, and General Hospital's newfound attempts to balance out the mob storylines. (It's, like, a theme and stuff.)  Mallory celebrates Lucky's progression out of dunce-ville (and continued residence in hotness-town) but laments his sister Lulu's downward spiral into Carly-burg.

Also:  Photos of James Scott (shirtless! Don't our editors know us well?) and Greg Vaughn.  Those right there are worth the price of admission, friends.

Days of Our Lives Week in Review

Sweeps went out with a bit of whimper on Days last week, but it was still some pretty good soap.  In a week of overall non-outrageousness, though, there were some outrageous happenings.

How outrageously excessive has Deidre Hall's 2008 screentime been? Enough with Marlena-palooza!  If I have to sit through another week with Marlena on every day, my soul might react thusly:

But whatever.  They're back in Salem, so Marlena can't possibly be on every damned day anymore, right? 

I was all prepared to be extra-traumatized this week by a John and Marlena sex scene (I occasionally read my Soap Opera Digest, you know!), but it turned out it was just them making out a little bit.  Regular readers know I have been traumatized on the regular by these two getting it on, but somehow with the cheesy soundtrack covering up any overly dramatic moaning, and the absolute non-smurfiness of John's mad woo-ing skills made it okay this time.  I mean, this was freaking hilarious:

Marlena: ...You're not here.
John: Well, maybe my mind isn't.  But my body sure as hell is.  So just take what you can get.

Hee.  Are you swooning yet, Doc?

And then, when she decided to take what she could get, right before they got down to business, this:

John: Brace yourself.

Haaa!  Robotic dickhead John never ceases to amuse.  (Marlena did later use my most despised soap phrase, "making love," but I can't rant about that without access to lots of alcohol.  I am, seriously, physically revolted by that phrase.)

Anyway, "Brace yourself" is the new "You complete me."  You heard it here first.

Days of Our Lives Week in Review

It's possible I'm just on a three-day-weekend high, but were you as pleasantly surprised by Days last week as I was?  Almost a full week's worth of episodes that took place on a plane about to crash (phobia alert OMGOMGOMG), and they actually made for some pretty good soap. 

First of all, it started off great, because in true Days fashion the fake external shot was ridiculous (and therefore awesome).

That is the largest private jet in the history of the world, other than Phillip's.

And the jet belongs to John, who, I'm sorry, is totally hilariously awesome when he is in unabashed dickhead robot mode.  Which is all the time.  You guys, he called Steve "Dead Eye"!  I love Steve, but I laughed my ass off.  Snotty nicknames and Marlena hate?  This is a John I can get behind.  And he's very equal opportunity in his douche-iness.  No matter the situation, or who's involved, he's going to be a dick.