**Quick note: While we are happy to have you paste quotes elsewhere and love it when y'all link other folks to come visit us here at Serial Drama, please do stop short of copying and pasting an entire post! Thank you!
I have no freaking idea what's going on as I haven't watched the show since early November, and that was only one day after having seen it all of maybe three times in well over a year. So these are not going to be "fair" reactions, whatever that means. But here goes.
Apparently Spencer (who has been de-SORASed and I imagine that's been discussed at length) is very precocious. This kid is really cute but it's the sort of shtick that could get really old really fast if they show him much at all. And I see Helena's alive.
THERE'S A SHOCKER. This is something I do not miss. The occasional back-from-the-dead storyline is fine with me but when there's literally no reason to ever once trust a death scene as "final," it lowers the stakes of absolutely everything. And there was such fanfare that the lady who could never die finally did, and Laura and Luke finally vanquished her. And now not only is she perfectly alive, she is once again completely free and welcome to spend time with small children. Good call, Nikolas! Seems wise.
Sonny is standing around holding a baby in pink. He's not in pink, the baby is. I guess Sonny has another kid now.
Morgan and Sonny share some man pain and a man hug. I'm still depressed that Morgan turned into Sonny Junior. It makes no sense. Though I guess there's something poetic about the kid who wasn't around growing up to think he's great, and the kid who was around knowing full well he's crap.
There are apparently rumors that Helena has been planting brain-control microchips into people's heads?
Michael is now in a suit and tie at all times.
Michael continues to hate Sonny and has sued for custody of NewSonnySpawn.
Wait, and Luke is evil now and Lulu and Tracy are very disappointed that while Jake has a foreign object floating around in his brain, Luke does not. So is this still the Fake Luke that I heard about?
No, no, they're doing actual entire scenes with these children on some sort of a double date and talking about being in love.
I am uncomfortable.
Luke and Jake are having some sort of philosophical debate in their holding cells. I do know just from word getting out that Jake is Jason, to which my reaction is: FAISON CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?? This completely ruins the "Most Nonchalant Dispatching of a Legacy Character (To say nothing of his status as a paid murderer/deity)" of 2012!
I really enjoyed this exchange:
Michael: AJ was my biological father and you and Sonny forced him to sign away his rights.
Carly: You were my son and I made the best choice I could at the time. [She for real says "You were my son" as if this is a counterpoint to his comment about AJ. Because she is Carly and she doesn't share. "How could you be AJ's son? That makes no sense! You were my son!" --Ed.]
Michael: That was great decision-making, believing a mob boss would be a better father.
Carly: Than a trust-fund lush who nearly killed his brother by running him into a tree? You're damn right I did! [I'm still waiting for her explanation of why a violent criminal who basically gets everyone near him at least shot or maimed if not outright killed is a better choice than someone with a large bank account and an addiction he's trying to fight. --Ed.]
Michael: Well you know what, I'm not an alcoholic so you don't have to worry on Avery's behalf.
Carly: Okay, so you admit that AJ was unfit.
Michael: At the time he signed over his rights, sure, he was a complete mess.
Carly: Thank you! Finally!
Michael: But he wasn't a murderer! He didn't deserve what you and Sonny did to him. You know I have much better reasons for taking Avery away from Sonny than you two did for taking me away from AJ. [Can we talk about how delighted I am to hear him refer to Sonny by name and never "Dad" anymore? --Ed.]
Carly: You're just like him. You know that? You think like Sonny, you react like Sonny, this... anger and this drive for revenge. You learned it all from him. [Carly, YOU ARE MAKING MICHAEL'S ARGUMENT FOR HIM. --Ed.]
Michael: Well that's what you wanted, isn't it? I was born a Quartermaine but you made me a Corinthos. Avery was born a Corinthos and I'm going to make her a Quartermaine.