Well, one-liners is sort of false advertising because when have I ever been able to convey a simple thought in anything less than a six paragraph essay? It's one of my worst habits (along with gloating, listening to the same song on repeat endlessly--like, for weeks if not months. This would be the defense offered in a trial for my murder and the defendant would be acquitted within mere moments) and the reason I can't tweet: do you know how little I say in 140 characters? Do you see how long a paragraph intending to say "Apologies, but this is going to be another quickie" turned into babble? So many of my English professors tried to break me of my love affair with fluff but they failed and here we are. Or here we were, before you got bored and started scrolling for the General Hospital relevant portion of my mind-wandering.
Speaking of GH, things happened today. Were they good or bad? The jury is still out. If today was any indication, I will spent the rest of 2014 raising a quizzical eyebrow at my television and pursing my lips in distaste.
*Please let Lulu's New Year's Resolution involve some sort of therapy or at the very least medication, because she is crazy and also awful
It was quite jarring to go from "OH EM GEE, LET'S MAKE A BABY!" to "My eggs aren't viable and that's awful and BY THE WAY, did I ever mention how much I hate that you wouldn't lie on the stand, you son of a bitch, I can't even stand to be in the same room with you which is why I am leaving. Where am I going? [Moody stare into the distance] Probably to meet up with the hot new guy...I mean, I don't know." I do not at all in any way want to dislike Lulu but I have to admit that I was sort of jealous of Dante in that moment. "Ugh, you lucky jerk, she wants nothing to do with you. I can't escape her, though!"
*The new guy is really hot. I'm not sure that he's so good at acting just yet, but I have faith that he'll either get better or I will mute his scenes
*Sam and Silas? Kind of yowza, right?
Also, I laughed until I cried twice at Silas. The second time was when he said he hated parks, because it came out incredibly vehemently and that just delighted me, but the first was when he declared to an empty elevator that he wasn't going to lose Sam over the secret that he's hiding (and which New Guy is investigating), because what could he have done that Sam wouldn't be mostly okay with? She was married to a murderer. That was his job. That's how he paid the bills: with death. Whatever boring and lame secret you're hiding probably won't even garner a reaction.
*The longer Britt goes on lying about Ben in the face of Lulu and Dante's heartbreak, the less likely it seems that she's ever going to be redeemed enough to be a viable character and that makes me sad, because I've grown fond of her and her incredibly expressive face. Will she become the next murder mystery? Or am I substantially overestimating things here and will her misdeeds just be brushed aside once Lulu and Dante get their child, like "Yeah, that happened but water under the bridge, woman, geez"?
*Nikolas and Sam were very cute together.
*Speaking of cute: Emma
*The less time I spend thinking about the predictability of the Sabrina story the better, but on the plus side, Felix is really allowing me to be creative with my expressions of dislike.
Could he inherit Ryan Lavery's much-coveted douche joke status?! I think he might, you guys. I think he might.