I am, probably, and I don't say this to toot my own horn, but I feel confident in my own abilities: I am the most predictable person on the planet (somewhere, General Hospital gasped a dramatic gasp and screamed "But you're always on MY case for "PREDICTABILITY" and you always do it in ALL CAPS, because you are CRAZY and also A HYPOCRITE", to which I respond that this is entirely different because...of reasons). I'm not proud, I am just saying; I know myself, warts and all ("You're super warty", General Hospital scoffs).
And I probably didn't even need to phrase it like that, like it was a grand pronouncement or anything, because you've been reading this blog long enough to know that I am remarkably consistent in my reaction to almost everything: you know I'll hate a mob story, you know I'll have to rewind scenes featuring bad hair and clothing at least five times because I'll be so distracted by the bad hair and clothing that I will completely cease paying attention to anything storyline related, which isn't always a loss, but; and you know that I get super-involved in big sporting events and will look for any reason to hamfistedly mention the, say...World Cup for example (guys, I am obsessed. We show it at work and it was set to a Spanish channel, and listening to it in Spanish was even more exciting, if only because it seemed to be faster paced and punctuated by a super animated "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!").So you totally know what the highlight of today's episode was: Sam and Nina's dramatic--I can't finish typing the words, even in jest. No, you know what I liked best was Josslyn because:
- I love sassy soap children and I've felt a profound emptiness ever since Cam was recast. What sassy soap child could fill that void? Spencer tries--oh good lord, does Spencer try--but to no avail. Who could compete with the child who made the facial expression that then coined the mantra "Bitch, please?" Certainly not the new Cameron! But Josslyn has an edge to her that both amuses and fears me. She makes me laugh and also think of the child villain in a particularly unsettling Lifetime movie. I'm intrigued, either way.
- She called out the FUCKING WEIRDNESS and GODDAMN AWFULNESS of Franco and Carly playing house without ever actually using those phrases, on account of network censors.
I can't be the only one who was gagging--well, maybe I was the only one quite that melodramatic--at the show staging Franco moving in as something HILARIOUS and ZANY. "Ohmigod, you guys, he's so wacky with his art and Carly is all "Whaaaa?" How loud are you laughing? Do you need to pause the show while you catch your breath?" and I was just about to launch into a screed about his horrendousness when Joss neatly did it for me (Morgan also made an impressive case against Franco, calling him "a freaking serial killer" and being disgusted by Michael's half-hearted attempt to explain away his villainy with "There was a video...and the whole brain tumor thing". Something about Morgan's misery is so delightful to me. The more awful his life gets, the funnier he is, thanks to Bryan Craig delivering all of his lines like he's dead inside).
Carly: Let's get yourself unpacked so you can settle into your new home.
Joss: Over my dead body.
Carly: Josslyn, that wasn't a nice thing to say!
Joss: It wasn't supposed to be nice. I don't want you here.
Joss: That was before.
Franco: Before what?
Joss: Before I found out what a psycho you are.
Joss: Display this [uses her entire body weight to kick Franco in the knee]
Joss: I'm sorry.
Franco: It's okay.
Joss: Sorry you're a psycho!
I know that all of this hilarity will probably be neatly undone when something awful happens to Joss that will be blamed squarely on the Jacks family and Franco is the only one who can save her, but let me have my moment, okay? Let me watch a child live out my dream of kicking Franco! It's not like Port Charles has anything else remotely entertaining to offer...