Serial Drama

So Much YAY and WOO and GLEE

While I was in the midst of crafting a truly hilarious (to girls who grew up in the 80s and 90s reading the works of Ann M. Martin and to absolutely nobody else) comparison between the "Sabrina is unjustly accused of cheating on her nursing exam because she's just SO perfect that she got a perfect score which nobody in the history of General Hospital has ever done" story and the plot of Claudia and The Middle School Mystery, the 40th Baby-Sitters Club novel that saw Claudia accused of cheating on a math test, a comparison that ultimately fell apart when I realized that Claudia was much more worldly and mature than Sabrina is (and more fashionable--even Claudia would judge the hell out of Sabrina's glasses), I got a series of texts that included so many exclamation points and capital letters and the breaking news that Vanessa Marcil and Ingo Rademacher are coming back for GH's 50th Anniversary festivities and I let out the kind of squeal that is unbecoming once you pass the age of eight. Who the hell can even take the time to mock Sabrina when there is Brenda and Jax action to dreamily imagine?!

We've been down this road before, so I feel like I know what to expect: the pair NOT returning as a couple, since Jax is all about Carly and Brenda is probably married to some random (remember, the show decided to give her a child with some long-dead offscreen nobody and then saddled her with the block of wood who goes by the name Brad Rowe for weeks that felt like decades!); one or both of their returns being TERRIBLY written because...remember what happened last time Brenda came back? I don't even have the heart to go through the archives and link to specific examples of how awful it was because that would just ruin the good mood this news has managed to cultivate; and my own broken heart when I realize that this visit is both short and unlikely to end with the two of them living happily ever after with Brenda's son who was rewritten hastily and awesomely to actually be Jax's.

AND YET I AM STILL SO EXCITED BECAUSE OHMIGOD BRENDA AND JAX.

I Needed This Little Pick-Me-Up

You know, maybe if I had been a Port Charles viewer I'd find all of this less hilarious and bizarre. Perhaps I'd be giddy about the re-visit, or embarrassed by the re-visit because I'd hoped it was long behind me, or maybe I'd be all manner of furious about what PC plot points (if any) this current incarnation rewrites or cancels out. I have no idea. 

As it stands, I'm watching this with a tremendous amount of aesthetic distance because I can't care about it. I'm not emotionally engaged or worried for the fate of any of the characters involved because it's all just so silly. It's silly in a way that doesn't make me angry, though, because it feels like once it's over, it'll really be over. I'm eager to get to Lucy Coe actually being Lucy Coe, which is the only thing that really keeps me from fully enjoying my incredulity and dropped-jaw at how absurd this has gotten.

But seriously. How is this not fun?

I mean come on! (Again, had I ever seen Michael Easton do this before, the novelty wouldn't exist. But novelty it is, and he looks like he's having a blast camping it up. He so rarely gets to do that, so it's hard not to smile.)

Uh oh! Sam got all bitten by prosthetic fangs!

That's gotta smart, right?

On Awkward Pauses and A Handful Of One-Liners

I was hoping to do a full, old-school recap of Friday's General Hospital. I was. I wanted to! And then after about the eighth time I typed "And then Sonny paused awkwardly and played some seriously stilted word games to refrain from actually saying dead until the PERFECT moment around the half hour mark while Olivia's eyes bugged out of her head meaningfully every time Kate--this IS Kate, right? Still?--asked a question about Trey", I decided that I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry. That is just a REALLY long sentence to type repeatedly. And repeatedly it needed to be typed because honestly, what is this?

Kate: Why? Why can't I go to my son? Sonny, he's alive. You know what that means to me. And Joe Jr.'s dead. Now I can have a relationship with him. I can get to know my son.
Sonny: It's not gonna happen.
Kate: I know it's not gonna be easy. I have a lot of work to do, I have a lot of apologizing to do, but I have to try, right? So, I'm gonna go to him. I'm gonna go to his apartment, and you can't stop me, Sonny.
Sonny: You're not gonna find Trey over there.
Kate: Why?
Sonny: Because Trey... is gone.

I mean, how tortured is that?! And I didn't even point out the many places in which Sonny just stopped talking mid-sentence, which added at least twelve minutes to each instance of this conversation. I suppose this could have been a conscious choice, and that it was supposed to show how Sonny was fumbling for the words to give Kate some seriously devastating news in a way that wouldn't devastate her so greatly that all of a sudden Connie would be back to gesticulate madly and overact after thirty seconds of successful integration. That is maybe it. And while I appreciate that commitment to realism, it felt like it tripled the length of their scenes.

The Fog Begins To Lift (or Metric Tons Of Gumption)

After that adorable awkward moment the other day when A.J. showed up at Elizabeth's door with flowers that she mistakenly thought he'd brought her, I knew those earlier scenes between the two weren't just accidental and irrelevant chemistry. No indeed. 

Today, we got a phone call between the two implying at least one of the major topics of conversation from their impromptu spaghetti dinner -- PickleLila and A.J.'s strategies for dealing with Tracy and saving ELQ. And A.J. talked about how much fun he had playing with the boys and both of them said how good a time they had and it was super-cute. And! 

A.J. really did end up sending her flowers!

And his handwriting doesn't look like an eight-year-old's like Michael's did the other day!

And she was all bashful when Steve was prodding her about it. I love when the two of them are actually siblings and act like it, but far too rare (I might still be a little grumpy about that time he basically accused her of trying to kill Siobhan). And Liz gave her big brother her patented Liz look when she 'fessed up to who her admirer is.

Sibling rapport! If I didn't know better, I'd think they were giving us this cute brother/sister stuff to up the drama because something's going to happen to one of them soon. I KNOW! I'M REALLY GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE, Y'ALL! Sherlock Weezie here.

Anyhoozle, Liz promised Steve that she's sure A.J.'s attempts to be a better man and a better father are sincere. Meanwhile, A.J. had another panic attack and begged for Tracy to call Liz. He needs his Florence Nightingale! 

Now We're Getting Somewhere

Now that felt like a February sweeps episode.

You know, one of the best and worst things about a Carlivati/Valentini-helmed show is that, as a result of both Carlivati's approach to storytelling as well as Valentini's approach to consolidating and block-taping in order to best keep the show budget down, the storyline wealth tends to get spread around. The latest Soap Opera Digest has an interview with Ron Carlivati in which he talks about how Brian Frons used to jokingly call him a socialist because he rotated stories through so many cast members while Frons thought that the best approach was to find your stars and give the vast majority of the material to the heavy hitters (yeah, we noticed that influence on GH for a damn decade and most of us nearly lost our minds). The great thing about this is that even if some storylines are driving me completely insane, there are always about fourteen other storylines to lean on (see The Bold & the Beautiful for an example of a show that currently gives 90% of its material to one small group of characters and one dominant storyline, and it is torture all of the time if you don't totally adore that plot and those people).

The worst thing about this is that soap viewing is kind of a full-immersion process. Three episodes in a row with a certain focus and that aren't really to one's tastes start to feel like THIS IS ALL THE SHOW IS NOW! Anyone who watched last week and last week only would be pretty damn sure this is a ridiculous show about vampires, doppelgangers, some clown named Todd being wacky, and Carly generally being horrible. While I'm sure some viewers had a blast, I was hurting, y'all.

You get the point. But the last couple of days we're back on a track that hurts me a hell of a lot less. 

Now, just in case any viewers didn't start watching till the 90s and feel like that was the heyday of the show, the cornucopia of 80s nostalgia we're getting might not be all that much fun and the show might really feel like... not GH. But today was totally the GH of the last 17 years, y'all, because SONNY'S LOVE REDEEMED A WOMAN. You know, like it does. Obviously.

Sonny apparently rocked Connie so fantastically in bed that she wept.

Wept! Oh man. This show slays me.

Anyway it was apparently the happiest moment of Connie's "entire life," which... huh?

She was blathering on about how it's been so long since she'd had sex (other than the revenge sex with Johnny) and I was trying to figure out who Connie was sleeping with before considering she's an alter. God this D.I.D. story is a mess.Anyway apparently the sex was so pure and beautiful and life-affirming that it made Kate re-emerge, so Sonny is going to wake up next to a different "person" from the one he fell asleep with, which is surely no less than he deserves. I wondered how Kate will feel that Sonny "cheated on her" with Connie. Ha! I mean is that how it works? Oh hell, there's no "how it works" because they are just making this shit up on whims as they go along and every new bit of it is making me laugh even harder than the last.

Meanwhile, Sabrina was floating around the show today being... Sabrina. Which is a heavy load to bear since she is the worst. After she couldn't stop crying at the Haunted Star Valentine's Day party (which really differentiates the Haunted Star from no other place in the world, because there is nowhere that Sabrina doesn't cry or isn't on the edge of tears, though while she's AT HER JOB she's definitely in the most emotionally expressive and shaky place), she decided to head into work where she could really have a much better cry. 

So here's the greatest, most hysterical sequence of the day: Britt puts on a fake face and horribly fakes apologizing to Emma for their "misunderstanding."

Emma was not having it, and bolted immediately.

Once More, For Old Time's Sake

Well, it's happened.

I was constantly worried about it, especially when Josslyn went from Fat-Headed to Elementary-Aged and Super Blonde. I just figured that when the adorably expressive Braden Walkes vacated the role of Cameron, it would be because the show was going to SORAS him, not just...replace him randomly, with someone about his exact age. I am crossing my fingers that he exited under adorable circumstances, like there was some cute little extracurricular activity that gave him a major scheduling conflict. Like, "Oh, man, I'd love to film a little scene with Laura, but I have karate class and then archeology club! Darn!"

It's That Time Again... As The Pool Gets Smaller And Smaller

So the pre-nominations for this year's Daytime Emmy Awards come out a week from Wednesday (February 27th), so shall we take a look at the... pre-pre-nominations, just for funsies? Here's what we know about the four major acting categories:

Lead Actress

Heather Tom (Katie Logan, The Bold & The Beautiful) 
Deidre Hall (Marlena Evans, Days of Our Lives) 
Peggy McKay (Caroline Brady, Days of Our Lives) 
Finola Hughes (Anna Devane, General Hospital)
Kelly Monaco (Samantha McCall, General Hospital)
Kelly Sullivan (Kate Howard/Connie Falconeri, General Hospital)
Laura Wright (Carly Jacks, General Hospital)
Kassie DePaiva (Blair Cramer, One Life to Live)
Sharon Case (Sharon Newman, The Young and the Restless)
Jeanne Cooper (Katherine Chancellor, The Young and the Restless) 
Melody Thomas Scott (Nikki Newman, The Young and the Restless)
Michelle Stafford (Phyllis Summers, The Young and the Restless) 

Lead Actor

Don Diamont (Bill Spencer,The Bold & The Beautiful) 
John McCook (Eric Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) 
Ronn Moss (Ridge Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) 
Galen Gering (Rafe Hernandez, Days of Our Lives) 
Joseph Mascolo (Stefano DiMera, Days of Our Lives) 
Maurice Benard (Sonny Corinthos, General Hospital) 
Jason Thompson (Patrick Drake, General Hospital) 
Roger Howarth (Todd Manning, One Life to Live) 
Peter Bergman (Jack Abbott, The Young and the Restless) 
Christian LeBlanc (Michael Baldwin, The Young and the Restless) 
Michael Muhney (Adam Newman, The Young and the Restless) 

Supporting Actress

Katherine Kelly Lang (Brooke Logan, The Bold & The Beautiful) 

Kristolyn Lloyd (Dayzee Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) 
Judi Evans (Adrienne Kiriakis, Days of Our Lives) 
Lauren Koslow (Kate Roberts, Days of Our Lives) 
Suzanne Rogers (Maggie Horton, Days of Our Lives) 
Ari Zucker (Nicole Walker, Days of Our Lives) 
Julie Marie Berman (Lulu Spencer, General Hospital) 
Kassie DePaiva (Blair Cramer, General Hospital) 
Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis Davis, General Hospital) 
Carolyn Hennesy (Diane Miller, General Hospital) 
Rebecca Herbst (Elizabeth Webber, General Hospital) 
Jen Lilley (Maxie Jones, General Hospital) 
Lisa LoCicero (Olivia Falconeri, General Hospital) 
Robin Mattson (Heather Webber, General Hospital) 
Judith Chapman (Gloria Fisher, The Young and the Restless) 
Jessica Collins (Avery Clark, The Young and the Restless) 
Melissa Claire Egan (Chelsea Lawson, The Young and the Restless) 
Liz Hendrickson (Chloe Mitchell, The Young and the Restless) 

Supporting Actor

Scott Clifton (Liam Spencer, The Bold & The Beautiful) 
Jacob Young (Rick Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) 
Blake Berris (Nick Fallon,Days of Our Lives) 
Shawn Christian (Daniel Jonas, Days of Our Lives) 
Brian Datillo (Lucas Roberts, Days of Our Lives) 
James Reynolds (Abe Carver, Days of Our Lives) 
Greg Vaughan (Eric Brady, Days of Our Lives) 
Bradford Anderson (Damian Spinelli, General Hospital) 
Brandon Barash (Johnny Zacharra, General Hospital) 
Sean Kanan (A.J. Quartermaine, General Hospital) 
Eric Valdez (Trey Mitchell, General Hospital) 
John J. York (Mac Scorpio, General Hospital) 
Dominic Zamprogna (Dante Falconeri, General Hospital) 
Robert Adamson (Noah Newman, The Young and the Restless) 
Jeff Branson (Ronan Malloy, The Young and the Restless) 
Billy Miller (Billy Abbott, The Young and the Restless) 
Peter Porte (Ricky Williams, The Young and the Restless) 
Greg Rikaart (Kevin Fisher, The Young and the Restless) 

And there we have it. What does everyone think? Before anyone panics with furious "so-and-so was robbed!" or "so-and-so is terrible, how dare they get a nomination?!" comments, the above is just a list of who submitted. If somebody is not on this list, it's not because someone else snubbed them. And if somebody god-awful is on this list (and you know they are!), it's not because someone else decided they were incredibly talented.

I haven't been able to dig up all the info on what scenes each actor submitted, but Michael Fairman did post some of them on his website for Supporting Actor and for Lead Actress. Fill us in if you've got the dirt on any of the other submission scenes!

Living In Carly's World

Wow. I've always known I was pretty jealous of Carly and in general anyone like her who is so into their own awesomeness and point-of-view that dumb little things like paying attention to things that other people say or do, or basic human empathy, or brutally honest personal feedback, etc., do not in any way pierce the self-involved un-self-aware bubble that they live in. Wouldn't that be an easier way to live? To just always think your perspective is the right one and that you are wonderful and never, ever be able to experience anything that contradicts that because you are simply not listening?

Yesterday's discussion with Starr really brought Carly to new levels of tone-deaf and self-absorbed and hilarious. Shall we re-visit? (And much of this is actually what was said, and I think you'll agree that with the rest I've at least captured the essence of what was said.) When Starr asked if Carly gave any serious consideration to Todd's "let's run away together" option...

Carly: Do I wish I would have uprooted my life to run away with your father? To never see or talk to Michael or Morgan again? For them to never see their little sister? To throw my business into complete chaos, to duck and cover and in and out from dirty old motel rooms for the rest of my life? Ha!

[Hahahahaha, so true, Carly! Abandoning your two sons and forcing your toddler daughter to live life on the run before her life has even begun all for a guy you boinked one time is HILARIOUS!! I can see
how it was tempting!  --Ed]

Starr: You really gave that a lot of thought.

Carly: Oh, yeah, I pondered. I have. I never really considered it. I mean, as much as I care about your dad, and I really care about your dad, what the hell am I supposed to do?

Starr: You did the only reasonable thing that you could do, but a lot of people do unreasonable things for the right reason.

Carly: Oh, not me! I don't know if you know this or talked to people, but I never do unreasonable things.

Starr: (laughing) I don't blame you for walking away. My mom had to do the same thing. She couldn't deal with all the things that my dad had done.

Carly: It's different with me, though. Todd's no angel, but neither am I.

It's Here, It's Here, It's Finally Here!

It's finally February 11th! And we know what that means.

It's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day!!!!

Oh and also there was this....

Eww.

Guess who agrees with me?

Laura, that's who!

Now I'm going to do several dances around the room and do some cartwheels and totally ignore the weird silliness about the Vampire McBain and the totally nonchalant way Dante told the police commissioner that one of the PCPD had just been killed on the job. ("Bummer, Anna. Bad news. I forgot the beer." That was about the gist of it.)

Also, is Luke now pronouncing "Robin" with an English accent? What is that about? Is that part of his attempt to woo Anna? (Which he incidentally pronounces Ah-na. Ugh.)

The More I Know, The Less I Understand

It's a good thing that most of my friends regard my General Hospital viewership as a strange character quirk of mine and don't ever try to engage me in conversation about it, because I'm at a loss imagining how I'd even recap recent episodes for them. "Well, John McBain has a doppelganger--does it still count as a doppelganger if the double in question has hair MUCH longer than his? I guess if everyone else in town is incapable of telling them apart, the hair mustn't be that big an issue. Anyway, John McBain has a doppelganger who is either a vampire or just your everyday psychopath who kills people and then licks blood.

Also, Todd and Carly are totally, like, heartbroken that they can't be together.

And there will almost definitely be a frontburner storyline that revolves around relish.

So yeah...this show is getting pretty good".

(And is it just me or is the Todd/Carly story the LEAST believable of the stories mentioned above? Their instant friendship and instant...intstanter (?) love doesn't ring true and you'd have to think that at least one of them, in a moment of rationality, would realize that not dating a walking personality disorder is actually the best thing that could happen to them. But no, they are soooo sad!)

I am having a tough time reconciling how much I enjoy watching this show (the hour FLIES by) and how kind of...bizzarre and ridiculous it is. Hardly any of it makes sense and (I think?) I am (mostly?) opposed to the entire vampire thing--I mean, my first reaction is a groan and a cringe and a "Oh, god, no, not vampires, ew, ugh god" but I am still sort of captivated by it and interested in seeing where it goes. Michael Easton, what have you done to me?!--and little Rafe is kind of not a very good actor (unless he's MEANT to be almost catatonic with fear and panic, in which case he is hitting every single not) and smug Sonny is the worst Sonny and what on earth is the deal with Shawn, really?! But then Connie and Tracy fist-bump each other and I can't help but think, "I am so freaking lucky to be watching this show".

Or maybe I have blizzard cabin fever and have lost my mind. It's possible.