I always get SO excited when I can watch General Hospital LIVE. I have no idea why this is. You wouldn't think I'd be so delighted about something that prohibits me from fast-forwarding, but it was one of the very first things I celebrated this morning when I saw that we had gotten more snow ("OH! I can have another cup of coffee! OH! I don't need to blow my hair out. OH! Leggings! OH! General Hospital LIVE!"). I can only imagine that it's a psychological thing and it gives me warm and fuzzy memories of being home from school and being able to watch GH without going through the hassle of recording on a--yeah, that's right: VHS tape (Remember how long it would take to decide which tape to tape over when you ran out of blank, um, tapes? It was such an ordeal!). I even remembered that GH has been on at 2PM for well over a year, which up until this point I have been completely unable to comprehend. Everything's coming up Mallory, basically!
So: It's a snow day. I'm excited. Let's all make hot chocolate and recap GH together, shall we? And we'll ignore the elephant in the room wryly raising an eyebrow and saying "Exactly how many seconds will it be before your happiness with this show dwindles to angst and anger? 45? 50, maybe?"
PCPD!I am actually kind of shocked that we opened with the show and not a special weather announcement alerting us to the fact that it is snowing. Nathan brings apologetic coffees to Dante as a way to say that he's sorry for overstepping when it comes to Lulu. Dante raises an eyebrow.
Wyndemere! Lulu notices a weird rash on Ben's arm, because of course Ben is going have some weird sickness, hasn't anyone here watched a soap opera before? But she's quickly distracted by the arrival of Nikolas, who did not find a chupacabra anywhere. He swears that he searched all over, but let's be real, nobody really looks at him and thinks "Tireless go-getter". I'm surprised he even put on a coat and went to take a look and didn't just change his mind when he got to the front door. "Eh, it's probably fine".
The chupacabra is in the catacombs. Heather rages at Carly for a little while and reminds her that "there's a gag in your mouth. Remember what it's for?" Um, maybe if you actually GAGGED HER FOR REAL, she wouldn't be able to show off her sass mouth, Heather.
PCPD: Kiki visits Franco and starts to apologize that her theory was wrong and that Heather isn't framing him. He's perplexed that she thinks she saw Heather. It's all incredibly uninteresting and I can't promise I will be able to write in any detail about any of their scenes that follow.
Hospital! Liz comes in to talk to Sabrina and says the magic words "Patrick is the father of your baby", because once again we are explicitly spelling things out when we are carrying around major secrets and not talking in code or making vague references to "the thing". Surprise: Emma overheard the whole thing and looks baffled. "Sabrina, I thought you said your baby isn't my Daddy's baby".
Patrick leaves Robin a voicemail. "I hope you're enjoying your downtime and doing something fun". She IS doing something fun, because she's talking to Victor Cassadine and his amazing round spectacles. He's asking her to bring assorted Cassadine crazies back from the dead because he wants to "restore the Cassadine family back to its former glory". Robin makes a pretty amazing WTF Face that says "You want me to build a time machine to take us back to the late 90s?!"
Robin says the only Cassadine she's ever cared for is Nikolas and pretty much has no interest in resurrecting Helena and her crazy ilk, no matter how awesome it would make May sweeps. Victor says that Robin came back from the dead, so why can't they? Robin points out the pretty obvious fact that she was never actually dead and these people are. He's uninterested in her pedantic protesting and says that she's the only person smart and resourceful enough to revive them, with a pretty evil underlying tone of "And you will revive them".
The most awkward conversation on earth is still taking place at the hospital. Emma actually says "Sabrina, you said your friend from Puerto Rico helped make your baby". It is every bit as uncomfortable as it reads. She's like a really hardcore interviewer here, too, and keeps hammering at the pretty little liars. "Who's that baby's daddy?" And they just let her!
Britt approaches Patrick to apologize. He assumes that it's about Dr. Obrecht, but she wants to apologize for what she did. Patrick reacts with a classic soap double take. If he were in a comic strip, there would be squiggly lines all around his head.