I don't know if it's the heat (oppressive), the distraction of the World Cup (is there anything more exciting than a shootout? There is not), or General Hospital seriously being a whole new level of dull, but I cannot focus on this show for more than three minutes at a time before I become absolutely paralyzed by disinterest.
As a point of comparison, I'd like the record to show that I've written, either in texts or emails, over 500 words about the following topics: the aforementioned World Cup (I cannot !!!!! hard enough), the weirdness of Tim and Tyne Daly being siblings (yes, this is a conversation that happened in 2014), the seasonal variety of seltzers offered by Polar and Poland Spring, Calvin & Hobbes, Go Fug Yourself's anniversary, and Nelly Furtado (this might be the most damning of all).
But General Hospital...? I've got nothing. It makes me feel lazy and uncreative and like a talentless hack ("One of us! One of us!" crows the show), but in fairness to me, what am I supposed to say about certain things?
Lulu and Dante's quest to have a biological child? I mean, I could wonder why on earth the ONLY story the show can come up with for two young, well-liked characters in a well-liked relationship is ANOTHER baby story to follow up with the baby story that LITERALLY JUST ENDED LIKE, LITERALLY, LIKE THREE MINUTES AGO. But I feel like the heavy sigh that I sign whenever I think about it is much more evocative (although there is the downside of none of you being able to see said sigh, which is a drawback indeed. It's all sorts of melodramatic, though).
Sonny and Ava and Shawn and Ava's mother? What more can be said about Sonny? Doesn't "H!A!T!E!" cover it?
Patrick and Sam's quest to uncover the mystery of who ran Patrick's car off the road and was responsible for Gabriel's death? The majority of the actors involved are either underplaying things considerably or they are totally uninspired by the material, because it's all blank stares and monotones and not one iota of an connection to the material. Jason Thompson is doing all of the heavy lifting here; he's yelling and emoting and must be mildly concerned about coming across as completely insane in comparison to his scene partners, but at least that insanity would make sense for storyline purposes. And I can't with Rafe, you guys. I can't with his sudden descent into crippling drug addiction and I can't with his earring and every time I look at him, I wonder how it's possible for him to have wandered off of the set of Full House, where he played a bad kid peer pressuring DJ Tanner about a social issue of the moment. Time travel? It would be more interesting than anything else on this show.
Levi? Is there a point to Levi? Aside from what I am becoming concerned is an all too real plot to drive me completely out of my mind with his creepiness and personality built out of incredibly obnoxious stereotypes? Is he going to be a part of a major story? Is he a villain? If he is, can we just dispense with the entire story and just fast-forward to Nathan arresting him (unless he has a brain tumor, in which case we are stuck with him forever. Hello, new romantic lead!)?
Let's talk about seltzer instead...