The biggest television night of the year is here! Okay. The most important television broadcast is... oh hell, I don't know. They're having a small party and handing out some statues and streaming it online and calling it the Daytime Emmys. I have volunteered to take the hit and subject myself to it so you don't have to, or so you'll watch knowing at least one other human is out there dealing with it. "Extravaganza" can be interpreted as ironically as you please.
Sadly, Mallory will have to sit this year out but I'm sure she'll be somewhere feeling really jealous of the rest of us gluttons for punishment. And as some of you know, I haven't been watching any of the daytime soaps this year but since these awards are for the 2013 season, I'll actually sort of know what's going on. Well, 5% of the time since the rest will presumably be about talk shows and children's television.
So come join me back here at 8pm Eastern time tonight and we'll go through this together!
This time I'm just doing it the old-fashioned way, so you'll have to keep refreshing the screen to get the new comments (instead of the rolling live feed we've sometimes had).
6:18pm Hey y'all! So the red carpet is already streaming so it'll be slow-going at this point because I'm not all that interested in this part. But I'll check in from time to time between now and the main event, so if you're watching, start sounding off in the comments below!
What fresh hell is this? Who are these ladies doing the red carpet interviews? The very first thing I saw was them telling an actor he needed to get away or else they were going to RAPE HIM. No, they really said that. It's out there in the world. So I see we're setting the tone for the night: classy!
6:24pm "Oh my god how great are dads??"
We're channeling Proust here, people.
In case anyone needs the link to the live-stream: http://www.daytimeemmys.net/
I missed the beginning. Did they say anything about who these "professional reporters" are? Is this part of a test run for an unpaid internship, I hope?
6:31pm They want to nominate Heather Tom's boobies for an award. Because classy.
Kim Matula just used more gestures in answering four questions on the red carpet than she has in her entire tenure as Hope Logan on B&B. I'm just saying.
Kristen Alderson's dress is radioactive. My eyes hurt!
That photo doesn't really do the blinding-ness justice. But it's bright, is my point.
6:43pm So basically the gist is that these women are going to tell everyone how thin they look and how amazing that is. Feminism is alive and well, people. I feel like I'm at a bad sorority party. I don't mind that they're crass potty-mouths (in fact, that's my default state) but not when it's so utterly vapid and insincere. I half expect them to start greeting grown women with, "Hey slut, oh god, I hate you, look how hot that dress is, bitch! I die."
6:51pm Well, they basically had no idea who Jason Thompson is. Only one of the best actors in daytime by a country mile, but they just filled a few seconds with random blathering that had nothing to do with him.
My feed just died. Temporarily? I don't know. But I'm not complaining.
7:00pm Zack Conroy remains adorable. B&B viewers, do they still give him absolutely nothing to do these days?
I got restless during some buffering.
This broadcast had devolved my sense of humor into that of a four-year-old.
Also, Finola Hughes is a goddess.