Serial Drama

Close Talking and an Acting Master Class

I admit I found some of the developments on One Life to Live last week overly contrived or frustrating (to name just one, they're just dropping the whole gay marriage thing lickety-split by have the no-nonsense, strident Amelia ditch the whole plan to get back together with her ex-girlfriend, local psychic Delphina?!), but for me, Friday's episode made up for it in spades.  No, I didn't enjoy Todd's bored discussion with Starr (was this supposed to be a bonding moment so that later it'll hit harder when she learns he has another daughter?), and I find Mitch rather dull and utterly un-menacing from a hospital bed (discharge papers, please!), but how soulless would I have to be to complain about an episode in which Dorian was wearing this hat:

I wouldn't mess with someone in that hat.  That is a power hat, people.  That is the kind of hat you wear when you just got dumped by your fake fiance and then got a special delivery threatening your family.  Dorian means business.  (Side note: this was really Robin Strasser's year.  She was front and center from beginning to end, and reminded us why she is an institution in this genre -- I'll get weepy if she's shown no Emmy love, but unfortunately Daytime Emmys seem to only love women who play mental breakdowns.)

Then there was Blair and Tea's bizarre "conversation" in which Tea told Blair that Ross getting killed was Blair's fault.  Eh?  I was waiting for a "Hey, thanks for that little GPS trick that made it possible for the cops to find my daughter," or "Oops, sorry you got held hostage at gunpoint because of the choices I've made regarding my daughter's parentage," but at the end of the day that would be out of character for Tea.  And as much as I don't need to see Blair and Tea becoming besties, I did love that no matter what, Blair (despite being a schemer) has a huge, huge heart.  I do like it when Carlivati remembers that, since he seems hell-bent on using her as a punching bag most of the time.  We'll see, though.  I'm crossing my fingers for a non-Todd story for her.  And speaking of Blair being the bigger person?  And how!

I knew Kassie de Paiva was tall, but damn!

I Assume This Is a Typo And They Meant "The Rest of the Couples of the Decade"

December, in addition to being filled with holidays and snow and the official start of winter and the very best drinks that Starbucks has to offer, is the official month of lists, since everyone decides to reflect upon the year that was and put their highlights and lowlights into list form.

I am fully in favor of this; any query about my favorite things will generally include an answer related to making lists. Is there anything in the world more satisfying than writing a good list? Even when I am completely swamped with work and things to do, there is something therapeutic about writing it all down in a to-do list (bonus points if it is on an adorable notepad and/or in adorable colored pens), and then typing it up in a to-do list, and then re-writing it on a Post-it note. I...should probably stop this tangent before I delve any further into my OCD nature and endless love of office supplies.

Where was I? Oh, right, the end of the year lists. I always have a hard time picking my Bests and Worsts of the year. It's way harder than it looks (and no matter what Becca and I choose at the end of the year, there are always people who are sickened and aghast at our picks), and I am sure that listing the Bests and Worsts of the decade is even more difficult! 

So, bearing all of that in mind, I know that what I am about to say makes me a complete hypocrite, but I cannot let this go unmentioned: SOAPNet. Best couples of the decade. Crack-smoking and blackmailing almost certainly involved.

I mean...I know that the SOAPNet powers-that-be are perplexed and a bit horrified at the "SOAP" part of that title, but their confusion must also extend to the definition of the word "best", because their top five soap couples of the decade are:

1 - Luke and Laura - GH
2. JR & Babe - AMC
3. John & Marlena - Days
4. Angie & Jesse - AMC
5. Victor & Nikki - Y&R

JR AND FUCKING BABE? Second best couple of the decade, ahead of the LEGENDARY couples rounding out the top five. I'm sorry, but Babe has no place being in the top two of any list titled "Best", unless the list is titled "Best Soap Deaths" or "Best Reason To Light Your Television Set On Fire".

The rest of the list, after the jump!

Last Week in Llanview (or Robin Strasser Rocks My World)

I must give respect to One Life to Live for not following up the ends of sweeps by slowing things down.  Not all of it was pleasant to watch, that's for sure, but I must give them credit for keeping things rolling.

The Good:

Acting, acting, acting.  A few of our hard-working ensemble members generated Emmy Reel-worthy work this week, in particular Robin Strasser and Florencia Lozano.  Strasser essentially had a week-long tour de force, showing us every one of Dorian's layers as the week went on.  She was at her self-serving, public-persona best leading up to and including her swearing-in as mayor, but that little holding-cell reunion with Mitch Lawrence let her show us a full quarter-century of that character's history all in just a few short closeups.  Lately I've felt like all the "Cramer women stick together" talk was veering into lip service, but Dorian's fear and rage in those scenes made her love for her girls palpable.  The woman is a goddess.

Look at her!  She's so tiny!

As for Florencia Lozano, she also brought the awesome to her holding cell scene.  (Were these just the same sets lit and shot differently??)  I cannot pretend that I am normally a fan of Tea.  She grates.  I've always loved her in bad-ass, ball-busting attorney mode, but the Tea who wept incessantly at the most insulting wedding in the history of matrimony?  Ugh.  At any rate, I'm finding that if I just accept that she is 100% batshit crazy, it's a fun ride.  I confess that I'm still not convinced that is Carlivati's intent (he does seem utterly enchanted by her), but Lozano's sure playing it that way. 

I did have to laugh out loud when she referred to their wedding as "beyond [her] wildest dreams."  As I suspected, she was clearly participating in a different wedding from the one we were watching, in which her groom smirked a lot, looked around for his ex-wife several times, and made a few offhand comments in front of his young children about the unconventional locations in which they get it on.  If that's a "beyond my wildest dreams" wedding, I am glad to remain happily unmarried.

Way to Ruin Everything, Roxy!

Just to be clear based on the last few days, Roxy is responsible for the following:

-The murder of Jared.

R.I.P. (sniff!)

-The stalking of Jessica.

-The ruination of Brody's relationship with his one remaining family member.

-Rex's... disappointment?  Confusion?  Indignation?  What would we call this?

-Most importantly:

Again, all of this is Roxy's fault.  In case you missed that.  Why?  Because she knew Mitch wasn't dead a while back, knew he was in a coma, thought she'd killed him by pulling the plug (and because his death was reported to her by the clinic), and didn't then magically know that he wasn't really dead again and run around to tell everyone.  Oh, plus she had the nerve to possibly get raped by Mitch Laurence 28 years ago.  But you know what?  We don't actually know the details.  We have no idea what happened between Roxy and Mitch all those years ago, we have no idea how she knew he was alive back in that clinic and why she was apparently the primary contact person listed in his medical files.  We have yet to learn why she didn't turn comatose Mitch in to the police.  This is because no one's bothering to ask her any real questions.  Every time she starts to answer, she gets interrupted with accusations of this being all her fault.  Girlfriend needs a hug.  Where's Kyle?

Soap Blog Coalition

Daytime Confidential's Melodie Aikels chatted with daytime legend Kim Zimmer at the So Long Springfield event in Pittsburgh. Read Kim's thoughts on her legendary character. (Daytime Confidential)

With little to no air-time for our favorite couple we're back to creating puzzles at The Scrubs Hub. Come check out our latest word search!  (Scrubs Hub)

Serial Drama's guest-blogger Louise is lucky enough to watch the one ABC that is entertaining (on purpose, even!). She shares her take on the good, the bad, and the anger-making SORAS mess in Llanview. (Serial Drama)

Claudia's exit on GH had the wubqueen on the edge of her seat. For once things didn't play out like a bad B Movie. Kudos to all, especially the actors. (Wubs)

Five Freaking Lives to Live!

I was trying to hold off to see how this played out, but clearly this needs to be addressed immediately, albeit briefly.  Remember how my last post was pretty much a plausibility rant?  I take it back.  I apologize, show.  I was foolish.  Dear, dear show, I did not realize how awesome implausibility could be.  Just utterly, utterly awesome.

So uh... it's hard to figure out where to start, but let's go with the logical place:

We start with Viki coming across Nash's empty grave, which, let's face it, falls pretty high up with the highest-up echelon of Friday cliffhangers, yes?  But it didn't stop there.  Because then:

Awww, Jess is so happy.  Her dead husband came back to life!  Now, I do question why she's smiling here -- while Nash never did have spectacular hair, one could already tell that something here was... awry.  But that didn't take long:

I mean this is not the receding hairline she so fondly remembers.  And then?  Really, one of the greatest moments in daytime history:

I know.  I know!  Would you like some more?

D.I.D. Edition, Part 2: I Hate This Show

(Continued from Part 1: I Love This Show)

Everyone has different favorites, and character they love or hate for a million different reasons, but I feel like this storyline has a little something for everyone... to loathe.  I would love to hear from people who are enjoying this, I honestly would.  It would make me feel better.

Everyone who watches daytime knows about SORAS (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome).  It doesn't bother me.  There's not much story potential for kids between the tiny-and-cute (and therefore generally kidnappable) stage and the old-enough-to-date-and-cause-trouble stage.  Starr Manning is unusually un-SORASed (by a couple of years only) because Kristen Alderson worked out well because of the awkward ages and basically grew up on the show.

They've aged Jack a few years (I'd say we're supposed to read him as about 12), but not too many since Starr is supposed to be much older than he is (and even fairly young audiences will remember how old she was when he was born, since his birth was a major story they love to ignore now).  And they aged Sam a couple of years because clearly they found the cutest, most wonderful kid (twins, actually) to play him and just turned Sam into that age.

 Sam!

All three siblings, regardless of minor changes, have kept the same birth order over the years.  Because to do otherwise would be somewhat insane.

And yet here she is.  Dani.  Danielle.  Daniela.  It depends on who's talking.  Fifteen years old.  Two years younger than Starr.  Two years younger than Starr.  Which puts her about three years older than Jack.

D.I.D. Edition, Part 1: I Love This Show

So much to cover, so little time.  

Fair warning: this is going to be very, very long.  Hence the two-part format.  Feel free to skip all my tangents!  I do have to apologize for not posting constantly, because the last several episodes have warranted (nay, demanded!) commentary, but I have been utterly baseball-obsessed.  I do have to share this anecdote: so I'm out at a bar to watch Game 6 of the ALCS and some random other baseball fan strikes up a conversation with me about how everyone is divided between the baseball game on some of the screens and the football game on some others.  The inevitable baseball-vs-football discussion ensues, and I'm talking about how so many of my football-loving friends think that baseball is about as exciting as watching paint dry and they find it unbearable that the teams play almost every single day.  We're both saying we can't relate to that point of view, but that maybe if you don't watch enough baseball to get really invested in the nuance, a low-scoring game might seem dull while to us it's a riveting pitchers' duel.  So he says it must be how daytime soap opera fans feel when people don't understand why they're so interested.  Naturally since baseball and daytime soaps are my two biggest obsessions (and so many people find those mutually exclusive), I find this comparison thrilling.  It's apt -- they both happen almost every day, they are both ostensibly slow-moving but ultimately are often about nuance, they both take an enormous amount of investment and dedication, they both make fans have rage episodes and (in rare and wonderful moments) stand up and cheer, and neither would really grip anyone if taken for the first time in just one dose.  I am a dork, because finding these similarities makes me giddy.

There are some players on my team that I really don't like.  There's one in particular I think is a complete tool.  This doesn't make me love my team any less, or want my team to win any less.  And while I completely understand the myriad reasons why so many people hate my team (with a deep, abiding, all-consuming passion), it doesn't make me care less or root for them less.  There are good innings that make me happy and bad innings that make me sleepy or angry.  I'm going to push this metaphor as far as it can go, people, because it's pretty perfect for my feelings about One Life to Live.  At the end of last week, I was thinking this show had really gone down the toilet and was no longer that much better than the other ABC shows.  At the beginning of this week, it's as if the joy had never left.

"Who ARE you people?!" (This Week in Llanview)

I'm going start by letting Brody express my feelings on this week of One Life to Live, not only because it's appropriate, but also because:

He just keeps getting hotter and more awesome.

In the Den of Torture that is Rex/Gigi/Stacy/Schuyler/Kim, Stacy and Kim's latest scheme to break up Rex and Gigi started to work.  Somehow it never occurred to anyone that it was a little suspicious when Kim, Stacy's best friend, was all of a sudden showing romantic interest in Schuyler -- very publicly.  Thankfully Schuyler wised up and saw that the whole thing was a ruse (isn't it refreshing?  He was the one who caught on to the Stacy's-fake-stem-cells plan, too, even though it took a little too long) and the Stripper Twins were perfectly pleased to accept responsibility, proudly.  Meanwhile, in Dumb As A Box of Rocks Town, Rex and Gigi took the bait and walked right into the trap, as usual.  Is there anyone left who finds these people sympathetic?  It's getting to the point that I'm rooting for Stacy.  (Okay, it's more like I'm rooting for Kim.)  They've been fighting for months, they are (as I've mentioned before) the dumbest people alive, and they make us sit through this:

I don't really know how much more of this I can take.  When John-Paul Lavoisier was first on the show, he was one of my favorite actors.  I really don't know what happened.  Part of me still clings to hope that he's not really a bad actor, he's just decided (or has been guided into deciding) that this buffoon is Rex and that he's just being consistent.  Regardless, it's unbearable.  Farah Fath is not exactly Meryl Streep, but she is far more watchable in scenes where Gigi is with Schuyler or Kim.  Can we please just put this couple to rest?

Whining Semi-Professionally For Three Whole Years

Somehow we both managed to forget our three-year blogiversary last week.  Obviously, as would be the case in a traditional relationship, this has caused us to reexamine our connection and enter counseling.  While we work through our myriad issues and contemplate whether this whole co-blogging thing is really right for us, or whether instead our twins and sextuplets would be better off with us on separate blogs, we invite you to peruse the most popular entries of our third year, based on your comments and visits.  We ask for privacy during this difficult time.  (Except for the regular interviews we will provide about our progress, the personal diaries we will post as blog entries, and the reality show that a crappy cable network -- or the CW! -- will be picking up momentarily.  Other than that, like we said, PRIVATE.)

We wrapped up the second season of Night Shift on a high note and vowed to write Sri Rao love notes until the end of time or until he becomes head writer on another soap (and given the decision-making skills of most soap showrunners, the former may come before the latter).

We lamented the sad state of General Hospital repeatedly, loudly, bitchily, and hopefully -- on occasion -- somewhat amusingly.  We were reduced to examining it by the numbers, as an instructive lesson in how to be terrible, and were sometimes just left with our lists.  The only solidly good constant throughout our third year, upon closer review, appears to be baby Emma.  Love you, boo.  Try to stay out of snow-covered trees this next year, 'kay?

We reviewed 2008 and struggled for entries on the “best” side of the list.

We relived some of General Hospital’s golden years, which then made us even more bitter about the shitpile the show has become.

We weathered the firing and somehow even shoddier subsequent treatment of big stars.  (Ones that we didn’t really like, but still…)

We said goodbye to a daytime legend.

We suffered through The Thong Incident.

We shuddered through inappropriate groping.

We peeked into Robin’s Diary.

We marveled over All My Children’s awfulness, and Ryan Lavery’s inability to fail at failing.

We rolled our eyes through product placement nonsense.

We begged a heroine to choose herself.

We had to adjust to an uneasy feeling: Hating Luke Spencer and even – gasp! – disliking his portrayer.

We wondered how Charles Pratt remains employed, but then we remembered that Bob Guza does too, at the same network, and it made more sense.  Well…”sense.”

We wondered who they’re trying to kid with the whole “she’s Liza!” thing.

We watched some new-to-us shows (and Mallory jinxed Guiding Light and got it canceled).

We watched Y&R actually get good and therefore difficult to mock, but then rejoiced with the whole Colleen’s murder thing that allowed the bitching to perk up.

We watch Gossip Girl so were luckily able to track down the Daytime Emmys on the tiny lil’ CW and say a few things about the whole shebang.  (“Shebang” is actually far too generous, but soaps are supposed to be overdramatic so we’re trying to stick with a theme.)

We welcomed an awesome guest blogger.

We had conflicting thoughts about the re-re-recasting of Lucky Spencer.

And finally, we have no link for this one, but we continued to be completed flattered, baffled, and delighted by the fact that you read and comment on our blog, and looked forward to three more years and beyond!