For reasons I'm not entirely sure of but which almost certainly have to do with something terrible I did in a past life, most of today's General Hospital recorded all blurrily (of course, right? The Nurse's Ball records like a scrambled pay channel but garden variety awfulness appears pristinely) and I haven't yet caught up on the musical numbers and other shenanigans that I only heard, not saw (I did catch the entirety of Frisco's goodbye to Maxie, but I haven't properly wrapped my head around it yet, and so can't comment on it, although my fingers keep typing the words catastrophically douchey).
But all was NOT lost because the most delicious part of the show was broadcast crystal clear: Britt taking the stage to make a grand announcement just after Patrick breaks about a million different hearts thanking the crowd for being there. It was so old school soapy and ridiculous.
Patrick (whose voice kept getting choked up and then I kept getting choked up when the camera panned to Anna and Duke's reactions to all of this. Sniffle, whimper, etc.): My little popstar daughter here [She is seriously just TOO CUTE! --Ed.] and I are forever grateful for the love that you have shown Robin and for the love you continue to show for a cause Robin believed in with all her heart. She had a wonderful life. She was dedicated to healing and to finding a cure, and although she was taken from us before that day was reached, her legacy will live on in organizations like amfAR and the community of Port Charles and the staff at General Hospital. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Each and every one of you have mad a significant contribution to helping Robin's dream become a reality. Thanks.
Patrick: What are you doing here?
Britt: I was just so moved by that lovely tribute, I thought I'd add a few words of my own.
This is amazing because:
1. Kelly Thiebaud snarls all of her words when she's just making pleasant smalltalk, so her villainous lines become extremely predatory.
Patrick: No one cares what you have to say.
Britt: I think everyone will be very interested. Especially you, Patrick.
2. Her mother, the vicious Dr. Obrecht, was watching this all unfold from her room and recapping it for a picture of CESAR FREAKING FAISON (We all totally called this paternity scandal, but somehow the picture reveal is so weird that it makes me forgive predictability).
She also complimented her daughter by saying she looked "Stunning. Heads will turn...and then roll", which is hilarious in its own right but when coupled with her crazy accent, it becomes art.
3. EMMA'S TERROR.
She literally hid behind her father and clung to his leg for protection. Cutest fright ever!
So what do we think: is she going to announce publicly, dramatically and evilly that she is pregnant? Will Sabrina faint? Will Patrick faint? Will Dr. Obrecht start recapping all episodes as they unfold I hope the answer to all of these questions is yes.