We are two girls who love lists. We have been known to make up projects just so we can create to-do lists and check off each item. It's so satisfying! And if you can also incorporate color-coding? Consider us blissful.
So why, then, did we not jump for joy at the thought of doing this year's list of best and worst happenings on our shows? Well, it probably has to do with the fact that the number of soapy happenings entitled to "best" status in 2008 is roughly equal to the number of world capitals that Britney Spears can name off the top of her head. It was, overall, a dreary year in our corner of soapland, with the notable exception of Night Shift. If we're talking about all soaps, even those lucky enough not to have us as viewers, apparently on One Life to Live troubles melt like lemon drops and birds fly over the rainbow (except when gang rapists secretly romance their amnesiac victims!). But since we don't watch that show, we can refuse to acknowledge its goodness and maintain our general tenor of bitchy dissatisfaction. It works for us.
We did work up the stamina to compile a list of bests and worsts, but we feel compelled to issue our usual disclaimer: We only watch All My Children, Days of Our Lives, General Hospital, Night Shift, and The Young and the Restless. So yes, there was that whole bear thing on The Bold and the Beautiful, As the World Turns is probably super progressive with the Noah/Luke couple, One Life is curing ebola, and Guiding Light is down to, like, four actors and location shoots at a strip mall in rural New Jersey. We don't care. Okay, that's too harsh. We totally care, we just don't...no, "don't care" pretty much sums things up. We're way happy if you guys are consistently entertained by those shows, though! We wonder what that's like.
Best Story: The Death of Babe Carey, All My Children
For years, Arabella Carey Cramer Chandler, also known as "Babe" also known as "the character who left trails of death, destruction and disease in her wake in a way that is only rivalled by World Wars", also known as "The Serial Drama Readers Choice For Worst Character in Daytime", irritated, outraged and appalled the ever-dwindling AMC audience. Until the fateful day that a tornado made its way to suburban Pennsylvania and KILLED HER. And it was amazing. It's possible that the writers intended for the loss of this young wife, beloved daughter and occasional mother to be a gut-wrenching affair and, um...they missed the mark there. But the euphoria that this story brought, however unintentional, was truly a soap highlight of 2008.
Worst Story: Michael Gets Shot in the Head, General Hospital
The idea that a child being shot in the head during a botched hit on his father's life somehow qualifies as entertainment is baffling enough but for someone to actually state, in a national magazine, that this shooting is a justly deserved punishment for said child buying a gun? Is so ludicrous that between the two of us (who are prone to hysterical, profanity-laced, rage-filled rants), we can't fully express the depth of our sheer hatred for that someone.
Also, it led to Limo Sex, which . . . EW.
We cannot un-see that. We've tried.
Best Couple: Patrick and Robin, General Hospital
We've been accused of showing an unfair bias towards Robin, Patrick and Robin and Patrick as a couple, being described sometimes as "fangurls", which is worse than being an ordinary fangirl? We don't know. What we do know is that Robin and Patrick are endlessly adorable, compelling and root-worthy throughout all manners of repeated conversations, wacky blog shenanigans and limited screentime.
Worst Couple: Chelsea and Daniel, Days of Our Lives
There are couples that don't quite click, and then there are ones that are so wrong from the beginning that you have to be either emotionally disturbed or intentionally trying to make the audience hate you by putting them on the air. Guess which category was-just-18-last-year Chelsea and early-40s Daniel fell into?
It is also worth noting that while together, they have bad hair. Case closed.
