Let's start this week off on a celebratory note and give a round of congratulatory applause to my pretend best friend Denis O'Hare on his marriage! If only I had known about this (adorable!) event in advance; I surely would have sent a gift, which hopefully would have been the ticket I need to bump our friendship up from "imaginary" to "legit" but more likely would have pushed me from "weirdo blogger" to "on a watchlist".
After the jump and Joe Manganiello being pretty, "I Wish I Was The Moon"!
This heat wave that has crippled most of the country has done bad things to me, mood-wise. The only thing getting me through was a new True Blood (and also the promise that the heat will break tomorrow. If it doesn't...so help me). After the jump, "I Love You, I Hate You"!
True Blood's fourth season has, thus far, been filled with the kind of campy awesomeness we've come to expect from Alan Ball and Co. Was "I'm Alive and on Fire" the sort of great we've come to expect? After the gratuitous .gif of pretty, pretty men, click and find out after the jump!
Even with the threat of Monday and its Monday-ness hanging over my head, I was impatiently waiting for 9 PM to roll around on Sunday, because the first two episodes of True Blood have been so good this season that not even their proximity to Monday could possibly ruin them. Will 4.3 continue this streak?
After the jump, "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?"!
After a nine-month hiatus that can only be described as excruciating, True Blood returned last night and brought JOY back to my Sunday nights. I was walking around today with an extra spring in my step, which did not go unnoticed by people I encountered (although I felt silly sharing the true reason for my glee--"Oh, it's because True Blood is back! What's True Blood? Um, a show, about vampires. And fairies. And witches. So..."--and tried to play it off as though I was extremely excited about the weather, which I actually was, since it was the first totally sunny day in a while, but that is beside the point). But can you blame me?! So many delicious cliffhangers we needed resolutions on!
You know the drill: spoilers obviously abound after the jump, so hurry up and get yourself caught up on any episodes you've missed and join us for discussion of "She's Not There"!
"So, just to be clear: this is going to be another Best AND Worst list?"
"Not just a Best list? Or a Worst list?"
"No, Best AND Worst. It's our tradition!"
"Right. It's just that...there are a lot of worsts. And not many bests."
"Come on, there were bests."
"Alice Horton's funeral was great. And so was Palmer Cortlandt's memorial! And, hey, the moment where Sonny shot Dante was seriously good."
"Oh, wow. Death and attempted cop murder. Those sure are some best-y bests."
There's no way to sugarcoat it: 2010 was a pretty dreary year for soaps. There were some good moments, sure. And there were some things that we really hated as they happened but, looking back, turned out to be not so bad at all, comparatively. And then...there was the rest. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Best Story: Robin, Patrick and Lisa Star In a Rip-Off Of Homage To Fatal Attraction, General Hospital
When Lisa Niles and her never-ending supply of "This one time, in college? Patrick and I drank a lot of [ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE] and watched a lot of [SPORTING EVENT] and then [SEXUAL ACT] and it was craaaaaaazy" stories came to Port Charles, she might as well have introduced herself to her new co-workers with "Hi, I'm Lisa, and I'm going to sleep with Patrick". That's how clearly this story was telegraphed. We all knew Patrick was going to cheat on Robin; it was only a question of "When?" and "Then what?" and also "Why?" To answer the first question: while Robin was in Africa working on AIDS research, which is probably the single douchiest excuse for infidelity, ever. To answer the second question: Then Lisa went CUH-RAZY and for a few glorious weeks, it was awesome. And to answer the last question: to give Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough material for their Emmy reels. Even when the story bordered on camp, Thompson and McCullough managed to ground it in realism with some of the most honest, gut-wrenching performances we saw this year. We dare you to watch Patrick's confession and not be moved. WE DARE YOU! They did such good work (and continue to do such good work even though the writing has definitely taken a turn for the lazy) and Brianna Brown played the hell out of the one note she was given. It even incorporated a surprisingly well-handled return of Stone Cates, so it was our choice for Story Of The Year, no question.
Worst Story: Teen Jess, One Life to Live
At first it seemed like it could have some potential for those of us who've been watching since the first time Jess was seventeen, at least as a cute and brief side story -- but alas, Jessica's amnesia storyline started in the ickiest of possible ways (her biological father tried to rape her) and only got worse from there. They never bothered to explain her illness (was it just a loss of memory, but she was perfectly healthy? was she deeply ill and convinced she was a teenager? was this yet another personality -- because this one certainly didn't resemble the one we knew at that age?) and most everyone seemed content to let her traipse around town unsupervised and behave as if she were indeed a teenager, including letting her go back to high school while she stalked her art teacher/ex-boyfriend. While she was being handled as if she were legitimately seventeen, Brody nonetheless tried to get her to... what? Fall in love with him? Remember that she loved him? Had she actually not regained her memory but still fell for Brody, would he have dated her, and therefore essentially dated a seventeen-year-old? And why in the world didn't she notice how hot that soldier boy is? So much was unclear,and it ended with a possible-impregnation by the slimiest guy in town, Robert Ford. While it was certainly rewarding that at the end of that night we got to see an unconscious and bloodied Ford, nothing was worth having to tolerate Teen Jess for months on end.
Best START To A Story: Sonny Shoots Dante, General Hospital
We knew it was coming, thanks to explicit promos that aired round-the-clock and a helpful chyron that spoiled the shocking storyline twist, but still: when a ruthless Sonny shot a brave, unarmed Dante in the chest and a horrified Olivia wailed "You just shot your own son!", we got goosebumps. The immediate aftermath gave us some top-notch acting and some righteous Sonny hatred that warmed our hearts and souls. The fallout...was terrible. Instead of genuine remorse or growth, we had Sonny petulantly defending himself with "I didn't KNOW he was my son". Because, right, you didn't KNOW, so that totally makes shooting an unarmed cop in the chest okay. Commendable even! Instead of all of Port Charles turning on Sonny, we had throngs of defenders. And Dante, in one of the most poorly written moments of a poorly written year, covered for dear old dad. There are no words. Only curse words.
If we changed the title of this episode to "Sadness Is Going On", it would accurately reflect my mood after the end of True Blood season three. Sadness! If we didn't have this supremely entertaining season of Mad Men to make Sunday nights wonderful, I'd have to upgrade that to despair, but for now: sadness.
Now it's time to write my True Blood Hiatus To-Do List which, to the surprise of absolutely no one, includes items such as:
1) Befriend Denis O'Hare
2) Be-more-than-friend Alexander Skarsgard
3) Perfect my imitation of Stephen Moyer saying Sookie's name
And so on.
After the jump, lots of thoughts on "Evil Is Going On"!
We only have one episode left of season three of True Blood. Let me repeat, with italics to convey my dread and horror: we only have one episode left of season three of True Blood. And there is no new episode next week, on account of labor day, so we have to wait until September 12th for the conclusion. I can hardly stand it.
Before we begin, a couple of non-"Fresh Blood" thoughts:
**The Primetime Emmys were on last night and were approximately a bajillion times better than their daytime counterpart (not like its hard) thanks in no small part to the presence of Betty White, Jon Hamm being awesome--he SINGS. What CAN'T he do?--and ASkars in formal wear.
And it was sort of exciting to see Jimmy Fallon host, because he graduated from my alma mater and is, like, the only famous alumnus we have, so I always want to sort of give him a supportive pat on the shoulder when I see him being all famous and stuff.
**Us Weekly had Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer's wedding as its cover story this week, and the article was kind of hilarious because all they had to go on was grainy paparazzi photos and a few quotes from Carrie Preston and Lindsay Haun. I admire them for not doing a gross wedding/honeymoon layout like most celebrity couples (and not-so celebrity couples. Hilary Duff and the tabloids' breathless coverage of your wedding, I am looking at you!), but it made for a weird article, albeit a weird article with this tidbit:
"The purple-themed bash (think deep lavender-hued tablecloths, napkins, flowers and aisle runners) featured an all-organic menu by Eco Caters and music by Pilbilly Knights, the band of co-star Todd Lowe (who plays Arlene's fiance, Iraq war vet Terry)."
How ADORABLE is that? VERY ADORABLE is the answer to that question.