Patrick makes a break for friendlier territory (the toilet) and Elizabeth shows up. Robin tells Liz she doesn't want to talk about what's bugging her, but she totally does, and starts getting all up in Liz's business about Patrick and what she sees in him. Liz says there's something sweet about him, and away from the hospital he's a lot of fun. Patrick shows up and reconfirms his and Liz's date for stock-car racing that night. Okay, in real life, even a guy as hot as Patrick could not get away with so many dates based around car racing.
Patrick weirdly invites Robin to join him and Elizabeth at the races, but Robin rightly points out that going to a car race sounds lame. They start bickering, Robin says she has no interest in being a notch on his bedpost, Patrick busts out with yet another "you really need to get laid, Dr. Scorpio," and so forth. Patrick sits down veeerrry close to Robin and leans in with "sleeping alone is highly overrated, Dr. Scorpio."
He says this hotly, but I disagree with the underlying premise (that sentiment is clearly from someone who has never dated a blanket-hog), so I am putting the "hotly" in a separate sentence. Robin tells Patrick she has a boyfriend and he's twice the man Patrick is. Patrick leaves, saying he doubts that, and Matt shows up. Matt is the boyfriend, in case you're slow.
Cut to Robin's apartment, where Matt and Robin are making out. Seriously, these two are cute together. Matt wants things to move along but Robin wants to tell him about her HIV status. He already knows -- thanks for sharing, Maxie! They kiss some more.
Over at Patrick's apartment, Elizabeth is pretending she had a good time watching a car race. At least I hope she's pretending. Patrick busts out with some wine and talks to Liz about her kids, which gives him the opportunity to mention he's not father material (oh 2007, how I don't miss you), and Liz to say that one day he'll hold his baby in his arms and totally change his mind.
Ugh, Elizabeth. First liking car racing, now dropping that cliche? You are on my list.
They kiss, and Patrick hotly asks if she can stay the night. She says she already told her grandmother that she gets a sleepover -- and so does Patrick. Liz strips down to her now trademark sexy-wear of a tank top (?) and they make out.
It's hot. I'm not saying I want any of these alterna-couples on the real show, but I am an easy mark for good-looking people with chemistry. That is almost the entire reason I watch soaps! What, like it's for the writing?
In the doctors' lounge, Patrick is upset about losing a patient. Robin comforts him professionally, but Patrick points out that he should have listed to Robin's advice about the patient. Robin thinks Patrick needs to accept that he's not perfect, but Patrick says he doesn't make mistakes. Robin thinks he's way too hard on himself, and offers to tell the family. Patrick hotly says he'll do it.
Cut to later at Robin's, where Matt is hanging out reading while Robin makes dinner.
Cute. Anyway, Robin tells Matt she's never seen Patrick like that. Matt's like, you mean, human? She does. Matt gets a text that makes him smile and probably helps him tolerate it as Robin continues to ramble on about Patrick. She says she wants her and Matt to try harder to get along with Patrick. Which of course means she wants to Do It with him.
Robin is wearing yet another awful top, by the way.
Does the wardrobe department have something against Awesome Writer?
Over at Patrick's, he tells Elizabeth how Robin could have been a total bitch about the patient but she wasn't. Liz is like yeah, it's because she's actually a cool person, and Patrick agrees that maybe he's been too hard on Robin. Which of course means he wants to Do It with her.
At the nurses' station, Patrick asks Robin's opinion about a patient. She is surprised, but seems flattered, and says she'll work on the case. Liz shows up and says Maxie called; she forgot her sweater. Liz gives Robin the sweater, so after work Robin shows up at the Crimson offices to drop it off with Maxie.
Robin thankfully, is FINALLY wearing a super-cute outfit.
Which is good, because you should really look cute when you walk in on your boyfriend making out with your cousin, as Robin does.
Oops. Belle and Shawn's purity rings do not approve!
At Dr. Drake's lair, Elizabeth and her adorable pink top totally dump Patrick's ass.
He thought she wanted to talk about moving things to the next level, but no. He's been fun, but she has a kid and she needs to be with someone who wants to be a dad eventually, and he doesn't so she's just "delaying the inevitable" by continuing to date him. Patrick asks if there is another man and Liz responds awesomely with "God, I hope so." Patrick is hotly confused about having been dumped AGAIN.
Liz tries to comfort him by telling him there's someone out there who's perfect for him. Which is the universal code for "I no longer want to Do It with you."
At Jake's, Robin and Patrick commiserate.
Patrick: Romance? Highly overrated.
Robin: So, my guy -- your brother -- is in love with my cousin.
Patrick: Oh, well, my girl -- your friend -- is in love with some guy she doesn't even know yet.
Robin: Alright, you win. Today, you are the biggest loser.
Patrick: You wanna dance? Oh, that's right, you would rather have a root canal.
Robin: Actually, I was going to say sure, why not.
They dance rather adorably while that nondescript John Mayer-esque song that always plays during their couple-y scenes plays.
Robin: Do you recognize that song?
Patrick: Yeah, it kinda sounds...yeah, it sounds familiar.
Robin: I think they're playing our song.
Cheesy! Tinkly/fuzzy dream sequence effect and boom, we're back in the cute brown apartment's living room, where Emma's cry wakes Robin from her nap.
Patrick hotly brings Emma to Robin.
Robin: Remember what you said before about fate? I am glad that we met when we did, but even if we hadn't, I know that we would have found each other somehow.
Patrick: Like I said, somewhere in China, a butterfly flapped its wings. This is what I always wanted, I just didn't know.
Robin: Someone not as nice as me would have said I told you so.
Patrick: Oh, but not you of course. You know, I really didn't think this much love was possible. For you, for our little baby girl...
Robin: We love you too.
Patrick: Marry me.
Robin: Really? You want to try that again?
Patrick: Yeah. Neither one of us has been married, and if we are going to screw it up, we might as well do it together. Emma, tell mommy to say yes.
Robin [to Emma]: Tell daddy to say when.
Patrick: Well, how 'bout, uh, Christmas?
Robin: Well, it is Emma's first Christmas, so, why don't we do it the week after?
This episode wasn't perfect, but needless to say it was ten times better than virtually anything GH has put on the screen this year. I can't believe what a difference a mob-free day makes.
- I still hate the heavy-handed "only assholes don't want to have kids" message that came through even in the alternate reality, and I think it would be fun to see a soap playboy who actually stays one. I wouldn't want it to be Patrick, obviously, because Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough are magic, but you know what I mean.
- Carly had to be involved? Really?
- I would have liked to see more of Alan, and other Quartermaines. It seems weird to have a holiday episode without any core family scenes. Of course, under Guza undoubtedly one of them would end up dead, so never mind.
- Robin's wardrobe. Screencapping this 55 minutes was very hard for me and my delicate sensibilities.
So it looks like we will actually get a mob-violence-free wedding in a couple weeks! Nuptials that don't involve either Carly or Sonny, and that won't prompt a police investigation. When is the last time that happened? And how can we arrange for it to happen repeatedly? I guess it's too much to hope that Awesome Writer will be freed from his shackles in time to ensure there's no shoot-out on New Year's Eve? No 32nd kidnapping of Jake, on Easter? No adolescent getting shot in the head by a veteran on Memorial Day? Yes, it's too much to hope. Why did I even start?