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« All My Generally Restless Days | Main | My Momma Didn't Raise No Fool. Except She Did... »

November 07, 2006

Bob Guza Must Die

This man is Public Enemy #1

I...I am speechless with loathing.

How is it possible, one asks, to ruin the return of Genie Francis to General Hospital? You'd think that it there would be no way, or that at the very least it would take years of effort to undermine the most popular and romantic couple of all time. But no. Bob Guza's all ready to throw Luke and Laura under the bus because of the disdain he has for everything he didn't write.

Let's see: Genie is back for four weeks. So instead of long scenes with Laura and her family and friends, we get

  • Sam and Jason on the run. An homage to Luke and Laura? Hardly, you hack. Luke and Laura were on the run FROM THE MOB. Sam (a mob moll) and Jason (brain damaged mafia hitman) shoot AT COPS.
  • Laura walking around town like she's got the IQ of Forrest Gump. What the hell? Laura was never stupid. She just came out of a catatonic state, I realize, but that's no excuse for this dopey wide eyed wonder. Is this Flowers for Algernon?
  • Carly/Jax/Sonny WACKY HIJINKS OF AWESOMENESS OMGLOL. If someone were to pitch a story of a short, greasy mobster who is pathologically obsessed with his ex-wife's love life and uses their son as a pawn to thwart her chances at future happiness with law-abiding citizens, I'd guess that it was supposed to be a Lifetime movie starring Faith Ford as the plucky ex-wife, with PSAs before and after every commercial break.
  • And if I may go on a tangent for a quick second: why does Guza despise Patrick and Robin so? They are ADORABLE and Jason Thompson is DREAMY and yet they get approximately thirteen minutes of screentime per month.

    But seriously, the worst thing I have ever heard (and I really hope it's some sort of elaborate con but that is too complex for Guza to write) is that Tracy Quartermaine has been interested in Luke since the 70s and he wishes he had known that back then

    Tracy: Luke and Laura never made much sense to me. I know everybody thought that she rescued you, made you a better person, blah, blah, blah, but I didn't see it that way.

    Luke: Really?

    Tracy: From my perspective, she stifled you, she dragged you into a life you weren't suited for, she saddled you with kids you didn't want, and she expected you to be somebody you were never going to be.

    Luke: I had no idea. I didn't realize you were paying any attention.

    Tracy: Luke, you have no idea how much attention I paid.

    Luke: God, I wish I'd known that.

    But wait, he's not done pissing all over the legacy of Luke and Laura. No. Because he had Luke say

    "And I'd moved on with my life, frankly."

    And at THAT POINT, I died of SHOCK AND HORROR, and I am writing this from BEYOND THE GRAVE and my ghostly self is mapquesting directions to Bob Guza's lair so that I can HAUNT HIM and spray paint "I am a woman hating pig" all over his house.

    Luke had moved on with his life? Really? Because the Luke that the ENTIRE FREE WORLD KNOWS will never move past Laura. Ever. As Tony Geary told TV Guide, "One of Luke's lungs will always breathe for Laura".

    What the hell did Genie Francis do to Jill Farren Phelps and this tool? Because between this IDIOCY, and her COMPLETELY MORONIC exit story that ruined her character and Rick Webber's and, therefore, the completely awesome Lesley/Rick/Monica/Alan storyline, and the fact that paying random nurses and evil child gremlins is more important than having Laura on the show (yes, the same Laura who helped save the show in the 70s), I have to wonder.

    If this is not one of Luke's cons and Luke actually remarries Laura out of PITY, I hope Genie Francis kidnaps Guza and goes all Misery on his pathetic ass.

    I think I need to take a pill to calm me down...

    -Promising Ingénue


    I just finished catching up on the week . . . Well, the good news is, since I am also writing this from beyond the grave (having also died from HORROR), we're BFF in the afterlife too!

    That conversation between Luke and Tracy was completely unnecessary. If Guza hired non-hacks, they could have really built up the drama with Luke realizing he has serious feeling for Tracy, but ultimately having to hurt her by choosing Laura. Because, COME ON, they are Luke and Laura. Jane Elliot and Tony Geary are fantastic, but even they couldn't sell that sack of shit of a script. Unbelievable.

    If they don't find a way to bring Genie Francis back permanently, the terrorists have won.

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