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« Bob Guza Must Die | Main | Days of Our Eeeeeeee!!! »

November 13, 2006

My Momma Didn't Raise No Fool. Except She Did...

Remember when Courtney was still sleeping her way through Port Charles and if Alicia Leigh Willis ever had to act with anybody outside of the mob quad, she'd roll her eyes so violently that it was obvious that a seizure could come on at any minute?

That's the face I make through three quarters of All My Children these days because Krystal Carey is one of the most irritating characters polluting the daytime canvas these days.

I mean, Babe totally sucks. And blows. Figuratively and literally. But the reason she's so deranged is that her mother totally molded her into a complete sociopath.

Like, take, for example, what happened after Babe had an affair with Erica Kane's aborted fetus, causing her husband indescribable pain which led him, in a series of murky and kind of stupid events, to fall off the wagon and then jump out a window to get away from Erica (...). So JR is in the hospital nearly dying from his injuries, and then:

BABE: This is all--

KRYSTAL: Don't you even say this is your fault.

I'm trying to piece together exactly what isn't Babe's fault. I mean, she didn't physically push JR out the window, but she has sort of ruined his entire life from the moment she met him. You know, when she married him even though she was married to someone else. And then when she slept with his brother pretty much right away. And then when she refused to cut ties with the walking aborted fetus who pretty much stalked her for months on end, even though everybody she came into contact with told her that it was bad idea jeans. And so on and so forth.

But she obviously got her interesting moral code from her mother.

KRYSTAL: I love you Adam, but if you do anything to take my daughter's baby away from her, I will take your baby away from you.

That does sound like a good threat if you take it at face value, but what she is actually saying is "I love your mad cash flow, Adam, but if you do anything to take my daughter's baby away from her, I will take the baby that I am having out of wedlock with Tad Martin away from you." I'm sure he's quaking in his boots.

I am seriously not one to advocate violence against women in any way, shape or form, but the awful and immoral part of me was watching Adam lose his shit in the hospital and fervently hoping that he'd haul off and punch Krystal right after hitting Josh and Jeff.

And I know I am harping, but I can't help it: why the fuck does this heffa volunteer at the Miranda Center? It's bad enough that her job entails watching children, since she is a convicted babynapper, but the center is named in honor of the baby she is convicted of kidnapping! There is no planet on which that logic makes any sort of sense whatsoever.

I feel silly complaining about such things, since this is a show where the murderer of a beloved character not only roams free but condescends to any and all people in his path and where an aborted fetus is an ad exec/doctor/television producer, but I am proud to be petty, damn it.

-Promising Ingénue


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