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« Heffa, Please | Main | A Less Botox'd Brady Bunch »

February 12, 2007

The Fast-Forward Button Makes the [GH] World a Better Place

I was on vacation and then swamped with work so I had nearly three weeks of GH on Days on TiVo. I considered just deleting it all, because after all they're soaps so I wouldn't miss much. But then I got sick this weekend and you know what they say, the best thing for a cold is to sit on a couch and vegetate while eating unhealthy snack foods and watching bad TV. They totally do say that.

Aaaaanyway, General Hospital. Thirteen episodes. Huh. I'm torn. On the one hand, that much bad fashion, hair, and dialogue all at once should be illegal. On the other hand, this show is much, much better when you can fast forward through all things Sonny-associated, and all repetitive conversations. Result? You can watch 13 episodes in five hours. No joke. There's much to comment on, but both because Promising Ingenue has brilliantly covered most of it, and because I have a very short attention span, I'll just hit some highlights and lowlights from the last few weeks of GH.


Robin and Patrick arguing over moving in together, over Vegas, over his unwillingness to get his new HIV test. It was all just great - the two of them are fantastic together, and the relationship is playing out like an actual relationship, instead of some contrived BS plot device (aka Carly and Sonny version 7.0). I am still being a Soap Crazy and think that the actors might be dating in real life, but whether single or taken, Jason Thompson continues to be The Hotness:

And, bonus, he's a good actor! The fast-forward button comes nowhere near his scenes, or Kimberly McCullough's. Speaking of whom, I heart drunk Robin. Hilarious. Her concern about the poor strippers just trying to get through college and raise their kids in this scene was hilarious:

Also good . . . . SCOTTY! I know they'll just destroy him and ignore his four decades of history on the show, but for now, I don't care, he's back! Woohoo. And Mac, though he's technically been on the show, is almost front-burner, and is interacting with his family and people attached to his family members. Miraculous!

Finally (I know, there's only about four "good"s over three weeks, which is not the best sign), Nikolas and Emily don't annoy me anymore. When did that happen?


There's so much bad and this post is already crazily long, so I'm going to stick to the really shallow stuff. I think it's understood that virtually all the storylines, dialogue, and character "development" blow. We should just make a macro for that. Some nitpicky things that stand out as particularly irksome include:

  • Prof. Marquez's continued mysogynistic ranting
  • Sonny saying "dee-vorce" (is he a Hee-Haw mobster?)
  • having to watch that same intro at the beginning of each show for like a week; every show on the planet has used this plot device, so I think we as viewers can keep up
  • Scotty being back but being given almost nothing to do

So there is lots of bad substance, but as I often say, at the very least the soaps have an obligation to make things look pretty. GH continues to fall down on that job, and then fall down some more.

First, I know she can be a bit yell-y, but why do the hair and wardrobe departments hate the actress who plays Carly, Laura Wright? First off, the hair. The roots are unacceptable, as is the apparent inability of the stylists to deal with naturally curly hair. Here she looks like she had a rough night at the Bon Jovi concert in 1987:

And then they compound the problem with such immensely unflattering fashion that it leaves me with no other plausible explanation than that Ms. Wright has run over the head wardrober's puppy:

What the hell? And on the same day the same dressing room sadists have apparently decided that though Kimberly McCullough weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet, she should look like the before picture on a SlimFast commercial:

I'm sensing a trend with the unflattering midsection garments and poorly-proportioned jackets. Now you may ask, why are these merely "bad" and not "ugly"? Because the ugly are so ugly that it wouldn't be fair to include even these heinous ensembles alongside them.


Promising Ingenue already ranted about Liz's hideous plaid coat. The woman has 10,000 handbags but only one coat? And now they're pairing the orange plaid with a red scarf and bag? I can't take it.

But it gets worse, because that hideola garment has a cousin.  And it's been foisted upon tiny Dr. Scorpio:

For heaven's sake, the character is living with HIV and has inexplicably invisible parents, she does not need another cross to bear!

Screencaps courtesy of General Hospital Happenings.

- Evil But Twinless


I had blocked out the horror of Robin's coat! I swear, it is another scheme to bring Jason Thompson's dreaminess level down. There is no other explanation.

I loved the plaid coat and I am dying to know if and where I can buy it! If anybody knows PLEASE let me know!

Thompson's dreaminess level down. There is no other explanation.

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