All These Idiots Held Their Peace?!

Carly and Jax are getting married!  Yay!  OMG so awesome!  They are so MFEO!!!!

Blech. I tried to be a fangirl. Really, I did. I didn't even hate them when they got together, despite the fact that Carly was going after her dead best friend's sort-of-husband like five minutes after she died. Ingo Rademacher started to sell me on the pairing. (In the interest of full disclosure, Ingo could also sell me a wardrobe of gauchos and ponchos and Uggs.)  And Laura Wright is a good actress who plays "Carly in love" well.

But the forced triangle retread, capped off with the whole "You went out of town to help your brother [who is NOT Craig, goddammit], so I married and slept with my mobster ex-husband. And?" thing just really killed this couple for me. And now despite all evidence that they are completely DOOMED and should never get married, they're married. Fortunately, the wedding meant that much of Port Charles got together in one place (which almost never happens). Unfortunately, there was wrongness besides the actual couple everyone was there to "celebrate." I have therefore divided my thoughts about this particular marital extravaganza into two highly sophisticated and descriptive categories:  bad and good.

BAD

The couple.  DOOMED.  Please see above.

However, Carly looked lovely (mostly - I didn't love her eye makeup and I'm not sold on those highlights).  And Jax looked, as always, devilishly handsome:

Of course at this moment he is beaming not at his bride but at Alexis, but, you know....details.

Jason putting the garter on Carly while she was getting ready for the wedding.  Squick-tastic.  Don't do that to me again.

Lulu loaning Carly Laura's ring.  I actually yelped when that happened.  You know in The Wedding Singer, when Adam Sandler's character is yelling at his bitchy ex-girlfriend and he goes "Now get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you curse the band and they break up!"?  I had a similar reaction to Carly's relationship cooties crawling all over Luke and Laura's ring.

Approximately on par on the importance scale with the fact that the whole shindig is for a couple who is completely doomed and will end up making each other miserable, is the issue of Jason's hair. I know I've mentioned it before, but nobody is listening to me! Who will stop the madness?!

Does ABC own stock in Dippity-Do?  Because between Jason and Sonny they must go through many jars (does that stuff still come in jars?) every week.

Speaking of Sonny, I really wish that someone had told me that it was tradition to go to your ex's wedding and publicly pout. I've been rude so many times, letting my ex-boyfriends get married without that critical component of their nuptials! I have to write some apology cards. I wonder if a enclosing a Pottery Barn gift card would compensate for my oversight? I'll have to check The Knot.

Anyway, we can all learn a lot from Sonny about appropriate wedding demeanor:

There were a couple of silver linings to his showing up, though. First, he was miserable, and Carly even got in a few digs at him during the vows. Sonny's misery is more fun than Disneyland to me. Second, Becky Herbst got to show off one of the most awesome "WTF?!" looks ever when Liz came back from her little stroll outside to find the bride's ex-husband pouting next to her:

Though back to "bad," are the writers at some point going to decide who Liz loves? Because I like her character a lot, but seeing her stand at the edge of the dance floor of the wedding she's at with her husband and rub her pregnant belly while gazing longingly at her secret babydaddy/brain damaged hitman in front of the aforementioned husband and the hitman's girlfriend is a bit anger-making. 

Nikolas was there.  I know they're back to writing Nik as a dreamily good guy, but how forgiving do you have to be to attend the wedding of the two people who stole your baby? Or perhaps a better question is how ballsy do you have to be to invite the father of the baby you stole to your wedding?

The vows themselves might have been lovely, if written for a different couple (the probably were; you know how these writers recycle). Some of the especially funny/vom-worthy excerpts:

Jax to Carly:

"You showed me strength, courage, loyalty."

!!!!!  She cheated on you by sleeping with and re-marrying her mobster ex-husband like five minutes ago!  The director's hilarious cutaway to Sonny as Jax said "loyalty" was genius, though.

Also, I know the writers are always telling me Carly is strong and courageous, but are there actual examples of those traits in her history? Just five minutes before Jax said this, Carly told Jason that if he weren't there she wouldn't have the guts to get married. If you need that kind of support to marry a hot Australian millionaire, I'm not sure "strength" and "courage" are descriptors that really fit.

"I will promise you, right here, in front of God and all these people that I will stand by you no matter what life throws at us."

What if the "what" that life throws at you is more of Sonny's sperm?

"And I will love you with all the love that I have."

This is probably true.  Sigh.  Jax is going to get squashed, I just know it. I'm unspoiled, but I've seen how his 27 previous marriages have gone, so I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to go down.

Carly to Jax:

"You understand me, and you challenge me to be the best person I can be."

THIS is the best person you can be?!?!  Dear god.

I did not love this dress on Lulu.  Julie Marie Berman is beautiful, and I love her hair and makeup here, but this color does nothing for her.

A different color would have put her on the "good" list, because it's an otherwise adorable dress (I love the embroidered black flowers), and while I don't have a picture you'll just have to trust me that her shoes were also fabulous.

Sam looks nice, though a bit like she might be eligible to respond to Sonny's 1-800-HOOKER call later in the evening. Is skin-tight, low-cut red satin wedding appropriate now? I'm still wary about it being okay to wear black. I think Alexis looking so gorgeous in her black gown finally got me past that particular hang-up, though.

GH helps people, y'all!  (I also loved her calling Jason a baby.  The Awesome Writer sneaked in a few lines on Friday.)

Some good news is, if her reaction shot at the end of the episode was any indication, I think perhaps along with dozens of dresses and everything in Sephora, Sam finally bought a clue! Maybe the paternity of Liz's soon-to-be-baby will finally be revealed! To the six people in town who don't already know, I mean. That should be dramatic and totally worth the 9-month buildup.

Back to Lulu for a sec.  I've really had my fill of the "wacky" "hijinx" of the three "adorable" guys who are "wooing" Lulu. 

That is a whole lot of duh right there. And in addition to making me hate even Dillon, whom I used to like back before the Monkey Virus Marriage, it's making me dislike Lulu. The writers have her being simultaneously annoyed (appropriately) and charmed (ickily) by these guys' increasingly stalker-ish behaviors.

Though Spinelli's dream dance sequence was pretty entertaining; probably because he wasn't speaking.  And Milo dancing was hilarious.

But they need to have Lulu grow a backbone and either pick a guy or move on, because these scenes are so annoying. They did, however, bring about one of the highlights of Friday's show, Carly's reaction to the three guys eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!ing over Lulu catching the bouquet:


WTF indeed, Carly.  Awesome.

However, listen up, writers. That was a cute sight gag, but I swear to god, if you marry Lulu off anytime soon, I will not be held responsible for my actions. You already had her get pregnant the first time she had sex. She is just a teenager and deserves not to be railroaded into full-blown soap adulthood. There are lots of interesting stories to be told with her that don't revolve around her and guys, too. One would be her finding out about Luke raping Laura. It's just a suggestion.

And finally, there is no better way to end the "bad" list than with this:

I'm going to have to break out with the Promising Ingenue-patented reaction to all things Bobbie:

". . ."

But, side note:  There is something seriously wrong with me because of all things, what I am focusing on most is her arm. It's, like, Barbie-sized!

And now for the happy part of the post, the stuff at the Wedding of the Doomed that made me smile/eeeee!/have fashion envy.

GOOD

Patrick and Robin!

Are they the cutest? I think they just might be. Patrick hotly wearing a tux, Patrick hotly shooting her glances across the crowded room, Patrick hotly plotting to sneak into the supply closet with Robin. It was a good day for the best couple on this show. However, not to harsh anyone's buzz or anything, but she said some really awful stuff to him before she became under Craig’s control – are they ever going to deal with that?

Anyway, back to good stuff.  Robin's whole look was perfection.  The dress, the necklace, her hair and makeup:

She looks fabulous. And I actually don't mind Robin and Nikolas together - in theory - because they have quite good chemistry. Come to think of it, Kimberly McCullough has good chemistry with everyone they've ever paired her with. Why doesn't Robin get as much screentime as Carly?

I'm putting this in the good column bother because I think this color is gorgeous on Natalia Livingston (I'm not a fan of the waistline, however), and because, well, I think we should celebrate at every opportunity that they're not a couple anymore.

Emily's scenes with Nikolas later on were great. I don't know if the actors are dating (yet again), but regardless they have good chemistry and have somehow managed not only to make me stop hating Emily and Nik together but actually enjoy them, so kudos on that.

I'm of course by no means a Jason fan, but he earned two Fonzie cool points from me on Friday's episode.  First, his reaction to "catching" the garter was priceless:

I was surprised he didn't whip out his gun and assassinate it.  And then this exchange with Spinelli, when Jason gave the garter to him:

Spinelli: I have no words.
Jason:  That's a relief.

Hee.  The robot made a funny.

Ned was there! Hey, Wally! Good to see you. Will another 30-year veteran have to get killed off and relegated to apparition-in-tracksuit status before we get some more good Ned scenes?

As creepy as I find his brother, Morgan is freaking adorable.

There is a who's-the-daddy storyline waiting to happen, because there is no way this  cute little moppet is Sonny's.

And finally, the Air Kiss of Hate between Alexis and Carly is something both actresses should put on their Emmy reels.

Ha!

So overall it was great to see some actual soapiness on this show. An over-the-top wedding, tons of cast interaction, a pending huge (though ridiculous) reveal, a couple of family relationships acknowledged, some funny one-liners, and lots of fancy clothes. It had kind of a late-80s Days vibe going, which can only be a good thing.

Of course, this isn't late-80s Days, this is modern-day GH, so I'm sure the whole thing will go into the shitter next week.

Comments

I just love this post.

Patrick and Robin forever!

I know I'm late to the game, but I just found your blog and I'm catching up. So far I'm really enjoying it even when I disagree. Here I disagree with your comments on the dresses. You hate Sam's because it's low cut and tight. Yet, love Alexis's even though it is even more lowcut and revealing. And you love Robin's even though it is the exact same style as Sam's. I mean at least you can only see a hint of Sam's boobs. But, damn, Alexis is pretty much putting the girls on parade.

Anyway, that's a minor gripe and the rest of it is hilarious. I love Patrick and Robin and Alexis calling Jason a big baby was pure awesome. And the air kiss was great.

[generic cialis]

Very nice blog, I've been exploring this site and i couldn't ignore what you posted, so I hope you can add some pictures about her because I just love the way like her does the work. 23jj