Monday In Port Charles

Two quick snippets of dialogue today told me everything that I need to know about Jerry Jacks (alias: "Mr. Craig", also known as "We really like Sebastian Roche, much more than we like the audience"). I now have two working theories for why he became a psychopath:

(1) He has a possible brain injury causing him to forget huge chunks of his past

Do you like this Carly woman?

"This Carly woman"? He KNEW Carly. He almost married her mom! He also almost shot her in the face, but more importantly: she was almost his stepdaughter!

(2) He became a sadist to get back at his mother for saddling him with the name Gerard Aloysius Jacks.

I know that Bob Guza promised me an explosive reveal of how Jerry found the darkside, but Bob Guza also promised me that Liz and Lucky would be the show's core couple and since I just had to watch Liz stare creepily at the hitman who got her pregnant while dreamily rubbing her stomach, I'm a bit wary of listening to him.

(Aside: I am not advocating violence against pregnant women and Liz has been pretty much my second favorite character since she's been on the show, but I am really rooting for Sam to go straight thug on her like she did to Jennifer Bransford's Carly)

(Another aside: how weird is it that Sarah Brown, Tamara Braun, Jennifer Bransford and Laura Wright all played the same character? All of the Carlys could not possibly be more different from each other. Except that they all had really hilarious tics: Sarah Brown and her flared nostrils of fury, Tamara Braun and her ghetto fabulous neck rolling. Laura Wright smug smirk. Jennifer Bransford's...moving on)

Where was I? Oh, right, Craig/Jerry/C Square. I really enjoyed his conversation with Lady Jane today, paraphrased below for this who missed the show:

LADY JANE: Jerry, is that you?
JERRY: I believe you have me confused with someone else, mother. I mean ma'am
LADY JANE: Jerry, it's you!
JERRY: It is.
LADY JANE: You have a new face
JERRY: I do.
LADY JANE: You're in big trouble, aren't you?
JERRY: I am.
LADY JANE: Well, it was good to see you!

This story blows.

As much as I hate Jerry/Craig/C-Square/everything about this story, I have to admit that I am eternally grateful to him for bringing Coop to the show. Whenever I hear his name, a choir of angels sings.

WHY I LOVE COOPER BARRETT

1. He's gorgeous

2. He and Maxie are ridiculously cute together

3. He has perfected the art of the eye roll

4. He absolutely dwarfs Maurice Benard, something that amuses me so much that I now actively wish for scenes between the two of them and when I wish for more Maurice Benard, we know something is up

5. He's almost positively related to Brenda, my favorite character ever

I know. I know. He was a hostage taker. But you know what? Peer pressure leads people to do a whole lot of things they wouldn't normally do. Like when I was a senior in high school? I was peer pressured into dyeing my hair red. It wasn't quite as nefarious as armed robbery/hostage taking, but the effects were similarly long-lasting: the red didn't fade from my hair for months.

I get irrationally angry when Max high horses to him about how Coop was, like, responsible for the end of the world and is scum on the bottom of his shoe and if he dared betray Sonny, he would go to hell for all of eternity. If Max weren't such an inept security guard, none of this would have happened! Did you notice that he worked at the Metro Court for about eight minutes before it was under siege? Wonder how that happened...

Like Evil But Twinless, I have to cry uncle and beg for them to stop with the zany shenanigans of Lulu's suitors. Because they aren't funny, they aren't charming and they obviously aren't meant viable romantic options for her, right? I mean, it can't possibly be any clearer that she's going to wind up with Logan (which is a plus, since he's the one that she has chemistry with!), so why can't we have more scenes with the two of them, and fewer with Spinelli (who I can only stand with Jason, as scary as that is), Dillon (who has not been interesting or nonirritating since 2003) and Milo (who needs to stop getting more time on-camera than Patrick). I mean, seriously. I like Lulu and Logan together a lot. They work together. Why don't we spend some time building this romance instead of wasting hours on Lulu's merry band of morons.

Something else happened on GH today, but my mind is totally blanking. Weird.

Okay, fine.

What in the name of God and all things holy WAS that? Why did they air it? Why did they not showcase an advisory warning? Why do they still let Maurice Benard go shirtless? Why...just why?

It's a little convenient, isn't it, that Fivehead had to temporarily leave right when this little event happened? Oh, sure, she had to leave to film a pilot, but I think we all know "filming a pilot" is code for "hiding in my basement until the love scene is over".

Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s8eVa9Rlbg GH makes no sense- how/why would Jerry shoot robin.