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« Days of Our Lives Week in Review: I Have Questions | Main | The Family That Drugs Together, Stays Together »

April 15, 2007

So Pretty. But So, So Dim.

There is this storyline playing out on General Hospital that I totally understand if you’ve missed because it’s really back-burner.  It involves this nurse named Elizabeth, who is pregnant not by her detective husband Lucky (who really could die any day, his job is so dangerous, just ask the writers), but instead is having the baby of a brain-damaged hitman who happens to be her ex-boyfriend and ongoing confidante. 

I know most of us just count our blessings that our revenge sex with hitmen/confidantes never resulted in unintended pregnancies, but poor Liz was not so lucky thanks to a defective Quartermaine-manufactured condom.  (The Quartermaines suck and they ruin everything, just ask those same writers.)  Anyway, Liz consoles herself with the knowledge that she'll be passing on some of the most beautiful genes on the planet, and with daydreams of her thousands of expensive handbags.

But  let's get back to the police officer/daily-cheater-of-death husband. Lucky is very, very good-looking.  But he is, how to say, not that bright.  Apparently.  Because in the last several months he has:

  • known that a hitman who used to date his wife provided said wife with moral support following her discovery of drugged-out Lucky having sex -- in his and Liz's bed! -- with then-hideous-skank, now one of our favorite bad girls, Maxie
  • witnessed numerous sidelong glances pass between his pregnant wife and her hitman/confidante
  • saw hitman/confidante with his hand on Liz's belly to feel the baby kick 
  • observed his sister Lulu -- who previously adored Liz -- behave as if Liz had run over Lulu's puppy, on purpose (after spending time with the hitman/confidante and his entourage)
  • heard Lulu accuse Liz of lying about something
  • had a conversation about “last summer” with the hitman/confidante’s girlfriend in which it would have been totally obvious to anyone even with the comprehension skills of a newborn (not Lucky’s though, because he’s not going to have one, and even if he did, the dimness might be genetic) that the girlfriend meant something different about what happened last summer between their respective partners than he did 

Yet, poor gorgeous Lucky has not put two and two together, or if he has he’s come up with five.  Now, this naivete-bordering-on-severe-learning-disability is not entirely unexpected, as even if you just limited your consideration of his reasoning abilities to other pregnancies, he previously confused a fetus with a pillow.       I can only assume that when the baby is finally born and comes out with hideous hair, or when Jason shows up with a baby sized bullet-proof vest, Lucky will finally clue in.


Just as pretty though not quite as dim is Dr. Patrick Drake.  Our affection for Dr. Drake and his portrayer borders on the disturbing around here, but I think even putting that aside I can confidently assert that the good [hot] doctor's recent stupidity is unbelievably out of character.  Dr. Drake is a hotly brilliant neurosurgeon. Yet he sees no reason to question that his girlfriend moved in with and declared her love for the boyfriend (and ex-husband) of one of her friends who also recently saved her life? He sees no reason to question that this woman who is more careful with her emotions than 98% of humans was with him one day and moved on without any notice to another guy the next day?  Literally, the next day!

Now granted, Robin did completely flip her shit and pick a huge fight with him for no logical reason (leaving yours truly to believe initially that her hand had been forced by Craig but of course the writers aren't that clever).  But who hasn’t done that? You get a one-time pass for that when your ovaries start functioning.  He was all hotly puzzled when he was kicked out into the rain, then hotly angry, then hotly demanding of answers from Robin at Wyndemere, then rather un-hotly immediately hitting on Robin's friends.  Are we sure he isn't strung out on painkillers?

Patrick -- the BRAIN SURGEON -- didn't think it was odd that Robin was having urgent blood work done for her new alleged beau, and that she was clearly distraught about it?  He didn't find it a bit puzzling that Nikolas hadn't told Emily about this rather significant development in his life?  Didn't find Robin's obviously weird behavior around the guy with the ridiculously fake southern accent, who pretty inexplicably brought Nikolas' aunt to the hospital, a bit strange? Doesn't think Emily might be on to something in thinking it's all fake?

I would like for Patrick to return to being hotly perceptive and smart, please.  And I would like Lucky to return to being...well, I would like for him to find out about Liz and Jason and the baby, so that this storyline can move along.   And I would prefer that the finding out and/or moving on involve shirtlessness.

I know as a soap-watcher I'm supposed to be okay with hot guys being dumb, but I don't think I should be punished because I'm so deep.

- Evil But Twinless


Okay seriously, you people freaking rock! Over at SoapDish the message board, we're all like your biggest fans. LOL Thanks for all the laughs!

OMG! Your posts are hilarious and so true! And the finding out and moving on should totally include shirtlessness! Thanks for the laughs!

OMG! Your posts are hilarious and so true! And the finding out and moving on should totally include shirtlessness! Thanks for the laughs!

The writers are so deeply stupid that they write the characters dim. It hurts alot in cases where the characters are either A. hot or B. hot and used to be written with complexity and intelligence i.e. Robin...... However the morons writing this once well crafted soap get lucky in their stupidity with their favorite characters. Sonny, Jason, Carho, and Jax are as stupid as they are written. Probably more so. This explains why the writers still have their jobs. But someone in standards and practices should give the viewer a little justice. The hot suddenly dim characters should recite their lines shirtless as to not offend the bright viewer any longer. Patrick and Lucky should be near naked lately considering their character's need to react to their storylines like idiots. A neurosurgeon bright enough to land Robin and Luke and Laura's son could do penance by playing a sweaty game of shirtless basketball? Or a day of surfing perhaps? How about slow motion shower scenes????? Give us something worth watching damnit!!!

Don't count out Hot Patrick yet. I have a feeling he'll be hotly holding Robin in his hot arms again before too long. And we can all go back to dreaming of kittens and rainbows.

But then again, this IS GH, so there's just as good a chance that those kittens will be clawing or eyes out. Or, maybe I'll just be begging them to if they subject me to another scene where I have to watch Carly having sex.

Your posts are funny and so accurate at the same time.

Hello, GH Patrick is NOT stupid and Robin told him to trust her and looked at him and he still didn't get a clue.

I totally miss the REAL Patrick from Metro Court where he wouldn't let anything keep he and Robin apart.

I also agree with another comment on here about being subjected to another Carly scene where she has sex.

Robin and Patrick are HOT and need a sex scene too.

Tired of the Carly, Sonny, Jason, Liz, Sam and Jax show.

This is GH and we have hardly any hospital scenes unless the MOB gets hurt.

Thanks for your honesty.

I don’t quite put Patrick in the dim category yet, but mainly only because he hasn’t had a enough screen time – shirtless or otherwise – to be shown to be working it out.

Oh, and you forgot one on Lucky’s list of reasons why he should currently be full of clues: he himself used to have an almost pathological jealousy of Jason and yet now, suddenly doesn’t? When Jacob Young’s version of Lucky comes off smarter than the current one, you know there’s a problem.

zara, it's one of the many examples of the writers not even remembering what they wrote just a few years ago. So annoying.

Thanks everyone for the kind words! We hope you keep reading.

I LOVE you ladies-you never fail to make me laugh! Plus, you are Robin and Patrick lovers, so that AUTOMATICALLY means I love you, LOL! I agree, Patrick SHOULD have been allowed to get a clue and, though I understand where Robin was coming from about not wanting to move back in with him right away (and what a nice, interesting, complex, and ORIGINAL story the two of them working through those issues might have been-but then we would have been deprived of this absolutely riveting hot mess of a storyline with wannabe Faison. And are they really trying to make me believe that ALEXIS-brilliant, talented, shrewd Alexis-would be taken in by him for one moment? Or that she would leave one of her children with him? Yeah, okay.), I agree that Robin was written COMPLETELY out of character with the things she said to him that day. Robin would NEVER say those things. Patrick would NEVER have just accepted Robin falling for some other guy, as you said, LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY! Patrick would NEVER have been at GH two seconds after they broke up, attempting to hump the legs of two of her best girlfriends. Thank goodness, though, that it looks as if this mess will soon be over. Please keep blogging, ladies-it helps those of us who are out here going, "WTH?!" realize that we are not crazy and that many facets of this show do, in fact, suck.

You ladies make me laugh so hard, I nearly peed my pants! On the other hand, GH makes me want to take hot pokers to my eyes...

So, I keep coming back to read this particular post, because you pretty much state exactly what I'm feeling about this Liz/Lucky/Jason's child storyline. And I'm not even going to get into how much I hate it everytime Steve Burton says "my child". I actually read this post aloud to my husband, who generally rolls his eyes and makes comments along the lines of "we really needed that explained again" whenever I'm watching GH.
Anyway, thanks for your hilarious commentary. Keep it coming!

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