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« The Family That Drugs Together, Stays Together | Main | ?!?!?!?! »

April 17, 2007

Stop, Or I'll . . . Trip You!

I can't believe I forgot to mention this last week. Hilarious:  The great and powerful Sonny being brought down not by one of the 500 bullets that whizzed past his overly-product'd head but instead by falling down the stairs and getting knocked out is one of the more awesome things to happen on GH in recent memory.  Sometimes I think there is at least one writer who is totally in on the joke that is these mafia storylines.

Not hilarious: I turned on a soap opera – a damned soap opera, for god's sake – today to see a mobster (and leading man, as all mobsters should be) calmly and remorselessly shoot another mobster at point-blank range in the back without provocation.  WHO WANTS TO WATCH THAT ON A SOAP?!  Quentin Tarantino is still making movies.  Some even spend some time in theaters!  Go see those!  Does nobody at ABC understand what the hell a soap opera is supposed to be?!   


Tracy: Monica, what you and Alan did in bed is not really territory I wish to explore.  I’ll ask him anything else.

Monica: No.  No, it has to be something that only Alan would know.

Tracy: Monica, with all the men you’ve slept with, I could do an internet search and come up with a complete inventory of your preferences.    

Hee!  Great line, and Jane Elliot's delivery just kicks all kinds of ass.  In fact, all those scenes in the Quartermaine living room today were great.  (I mean, if you ignore the obviously maddening fact that a 30-year-veteran, recently unceremoniously canned, is playing a wisecracking ghost in a sweatsuit.)    For the fortieth time this month alone, I ask:  Why isn't this show better?

Not hilarious:
The ensemble poor asskicking Jane Elliot had to wear while delivering her very hilarious lines.  I can’t find a screencap, but it’s just as well, because I’m sure the FCC or whoever is regulating the internet these days (Is it still Ted Stevens?  Because I really miss his helpful explanations about the series of tubes vs. dump trucks.) would shut us down immediately.  Tracy's blouse may have offended me more than the mob execution.

- Evil But Twinless


Sonny's tumble down the stairs was the most hysterical thing I've seen in weeks. It was just so... bad. Maurice Bernard can't even bother to fall with any energy or enthusiasm! If only we'd seen some mid-fall jazz hands, I think I would have peed myself.

I don't know what this says about me, but I actually found the back-turned gunshot hilarious. It was just so casual and out of the blue! Lorenzo was like, "I need to get some better scotch, and, oh yeah,..." *bang*. Plus, that henchman skeeved me out, so I'm not really heartbroken to see him go. But I think you're supposed to see the shooting as bad, because Lorenzo is a BAD MOBSTER who shots men in the back, while Sonny and Jason are GOOD MOBSTERS who love and are honorable and love women who are braveandstrongandlovewithalltheir heart and traffic in gummi bear porn. I mean, it's so OBVIOUS who is good and bad here!

I, too, adored the Q stuff. Jane Elliott really rocks. And I don't care, I like Luke and Tracey together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Laura's his epic love, but I really don't see how the two of them can't be in love, too; it's just a different kind of love and a different kind of relationship. BTW, was I hallucinating, or could Monica actually move her face today? Botox must be wearing off.

I must sadly agree. Someone secretly at GH understands the crap that is Sonny/Maurice. That slapstick fall was a covert gift from an insider who feels our pain.

That fall, I watched it like 20 times forward and backward. ROTFL!!! Not one bullet wound, not even a graze. But he's too dumb to see the staircase and not fall down like the shlump he is. Jason was slow too, must be his new Sonny over producted hairdo. Very Silvio on the Sopranos, the hair!!!!

Then in the middle of this insane and obviously rigged shootout, two young guys show up and immediately side with St. Jasus and Sonny the friendly mobster who deals in comic books and candy not drugs and stolen goods. The kids siding with them is sadly understandable, but why the hell would Jason buy that? Isn't he supposed to be smart and suspicious of new guys in town packing heat? Nah, he just asks Logan "we clear?" WTF? Sonny and Jason are the LEAST effective mobsters ever.

Back in the horror days when Courtney was w/ Blinky she kicked more ass than he or her brother ever did. Courtney, she's really dead right? Not PC may come back some day dead? Please don't resurrect that fugly bore.

And give Mac and the cops a chance. I am always happy to see Mac, then they waste him making him look like a tool infront of Blinky. That really pisses me off. Let him reopen the Outback and have great scenes with his family. Stop wasting him as a prop for the damn mob.

And Jason and Sonny 'good old friends' of Robin's. Why can't they write Robin cool and self aware when it comes to these loosers? Jason was a hypocrite and a cheater. He treated Robin like shit for years. Sonny threw her out like a whore when Jason turned on her for finally reclaiming her soul and telling the damn truth about Michael. They used to love her for that.

Remember when Jason hated lies and liars? He is the biggest liar on GH, and everyone worships his integrity and honesty. Uchhhh!

And Alcazar? He can kill people/characters with lines now because he is leaving the show soon. His nice drink/shoot the dude at close range was eerily satisfying. It's the first upclose kill of someone on GH who is in the damn mob. I mean if these morons want to write a mob show and not a soap, like they have been doing for too many years already. Shouldn't one of these mobsters actually kill someone? And not a nameless dayplayer. I HATE MOB AS SOAP! It's trash and not what soap viewers want at all. So as long as Lorenzo is going out with a bang I have a hit list.

2)SONNY the poorly pronounced
3)JASON-how about he comes back after a bullet to the brain as Jason Quartermaine and Jason Morgan combined, that would be character turmoil huh? And Robin and Patrick should save him in the OR
4)the RECENT RIC, or RIC if Ned doesn't come back permanently, Alexis needs some fun and love
5)NEW JAX, he's too sad stuid and pathetic
6)SAM, Lorenzo should shoot her for being clueless whiney and a dreadful dresser

I love Tracy. Jane's a great actress. Monica's botox may be wearing off. But I think the bangs gave her some needed coverage. Someone should tell her to ease up on the plastics and eat something. Five pounds would soften her face naturally. Fresh mayo on a sandwich today means no rotten mayo injected into your face tomorrow!

Love your site! Thanks for a place to rant.

"6)SAM, Lorenzo should shoot her for being clueless whiney and a dreadful dresser"

Yes, yes, YES!!! She cries & whines too damn much and she has the worst wardrobe. Not fugly, she dresses like a hooker. How about a section entitled "Ho Clothes" -- Sam would be the reigning queen! I am not certain, what with the tight or short or looooooow cut outfits she has been sporting lately, if her new show shouldn't be called "Everyday Ho's"!!!

It's just a pity he didn't miscarry something when falling down the stairs in true GH fashion, preferably his personality.

Remorselessly shot someone at point blank range? So is GH now just an SNL parody of The OC? And if so can someone take the song from said sketch and make a GH mobster MVid out of it? The fact that there have been enough shootings on GH to make such a video is proof enough of how ridiculous this show has become.
(for those who dont know WTF I'm yammering about, link is here:

My first thought when I heard Sonny fell down the stairs:

"Oh, my God, Sonny's pregnant?!"

Which, naturally, had me wondering if Jason knew about this second Baby Jasus.

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