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« So Pretty. But So, So Dim. | Main | Stop, Or I'll . . . Trip You! »

April 16, 2007

The Family That Drugs Together, Stays Together

Who says that soap operas aren't educational?! I was deciding what to buy my mother for Mother's Day today and went to the oh-so cliché places, like redenvelope.com, and then I saw The Young and the Restless and learned that the best way to show my mom I love her is to drug her romantic rival with libido-enhancing drugs so she'll get it on with a CEO of a cosmetics corporation just in time for the object of my mother's affections to walk in and see them and hate the romantic rival for being a skank and--fingers crossed!--turn to my mother and say, "You're pretty awesome! Let me share some of my billions of dollars with you!"

She'll really know how much I love her after that! Thanks for the awesome idea, Y&R!!!

Seriously, every time Kevin and Gloria are on my screen, I find myself wondering why on earth I am supposed to feel any sympathy for these people. I can also smell drug store perfume wafting off of Gloria. You know she wouldn't wear a Jabot creation, she'd head straight for the Charlie.

For starters (and I am by no means an expert on this), if I were a reformed internet predator who had given a 15-year-old girl an STD, I probably wouldn't drug people to make them have sex with each other. It wouldn't look very good.

Also, if I had played around with drugs and chemicals in the past and caused one death and one incident of a child being burned, I hopefully would have the human decency to think it's not a good idea to drug more people, lest I add more to my body count.

And if I were to insist on drugging people, I would have the self-awareness to realize that I was sort of sleazy, and not gallavant around town shrieking because people have the indecency not to like me. And if I were drugging people with the sole purpose of making a woman look bad so I could get a man who is worth millions of dollars after previously marrying a man who is worth millions of dollars (despite the fact that his company was always teetering on the verge of bankruptcy, but that is neither here nor there), I wouldn't act aghast when people called me a gold-digger, or a back alley grifter. I might actually have it printed on a t-shirt and wear it proudly around Genoa City!

This sort of thing is what keeps me from rooting from Kevin and Gloria. If they were to flat out own the fact that they are sleazy opportunists with checkered pasts and no moral compasses, they'd totally rule. But both of them get all puppy dog "But why don't people like me? Jack and Ashley and Jack and Colleen and JT and Jack and Neil and Jack are so mean:o( :o( :o(" whenever they are criticized.

Besides, I am pretty sure that this is a Sami Brady Scheme™ circa 1994. So it's lame and unoriginal. And also kind of gross--who wants to be a part of a scheme with their mother that involves forcing people to have sex? Ew!

- Promising Ingénue


Wait, wait, wait. Who did they drug? I managed to figure out that GloBag and the Fischer Elf were after Will (poor Ted Shackleford) but please don't tell me they drugged...Jill? Jill Foster Abbott, who has been on this show? And who did the person they drug get it on with....not Jack's phantom Jabot owner? I haven't watched Y&R since it became obvious that the Fischer Baldwin clan were like the Hobillies from AMC, the Laverys from AMC and the entire mob squad on GH. No more Abbotts and my beautiful Smiling Jack was going to go down hard--again. The megalomaniacal douche bag Victor take his revenge for Jack taking advantage and underhanded (despite the fact that Victor has, on more than one occasion, broken the law to take Jabot from the Abbott family to get revenge on Jack...insider trading, anyone) And this will be okay, in fact Jack will be vilified by the entire town, once Victor was done, because he used nefarious means to take back everything GloBag conned John out of. No thanks, but I am morbidly fascinated at the idea that the LML and her crew of poo flinging monkeys thinks that these are appropriate tactics for the new first family of Genoa City. Did I guess right?

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