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« My Response Would Start with "Restraining" and End With "Order" | Main | Our First Soap Opera Digest Column! »

May 21, 2007

All My Boredom Induced Comas

Megan McTavish's reign of terror is finally officially over: Barbara Esensten and James Harmon Brown are the new head writers.

You know, they could have replaced her with Count Chocula and Franken Berry and I would be like, "I am really looking forward to their complex and delicious brand of storytelling".

The show right now is in that weird limbo state between head writers and it shows. Because aside from the obvious issues I've had with AMC over the past few months (the all encompassing suckage, for example), it's really boring.

I was wondering if I should even bother watching today's episode. The logical part of me said no. The part of me that hates myself said yes. The part of me that was hungry urged me to skip the show and have dessert instead. I decided that I should at least check out the TV Guide summary of today's episode, just to see if there was anything that I couldn't miss:

As Sean and Ava scramble to get dressed, a flustered Erica orders her camera crew to stop rolling. During a phone call home, Annie confides to Di how Ryan is off with his soon-to-be ex-wife. Meanwhile, on the beach, Greenlee tearfully presses Ryan to admit he still loves her. Lily is confused when Sean decides to go stay with his mother for a few days. Adam waves off Colby's concern when she harangues him for endangering his health by drinking too much. Ryan explains to a badly disappointed Greenlee how he gave up on the idea of growing old along with her and found a new love in Annie instead. Pam secretly continues to film as Jackson picks a quarrel with Erica after learning that she knew all along about his nephew's dalliance with Ava. Colby finally makes some inroads in her father's stubborn attitude. Ryan makes it clear to Greenlee that he has moved on. Di defends Ava's charade to Jonathan, who reveals how Lily's sister came on to him. Sean sneaks in through Colby's window after Adam bars him from the Chandler mansion. Later, Colby agrees to let Sean hide out in her bedroom for a while. Jackson attempts to lay down some new ground rules for a scornful Ava. Pam shows Erica the footage she surreptitiously shot at the Montgomery house earlier that day. Ryan and Greenlee finalize their island divorce.

The hungry part of me totally had the right idea.

In my self-centered moods, I am often convinced that this show is designed specifically to irritate me.  Today's episodes led to one of those moods.

On the plus side: Colby! I would have never thought that I'd adore her so much, and continue to adore her after she fell in line with the Careys*. But, in the grand scheme of Maxie on GH and Chelsea on Days, she thawed my cold, black heart and I love her now. I mean, I wish she'd take an acting class or two, but overall, I love her. And I like her stupid story with Sean because on this show, I have to take what I can get, and when there is a long line of crap, I cling onto something resembling entertainment and they are it.

*Another plus: no Babe and Krystal! It feels so much cleaner without them.

But most of the show gets a huge minus.

I mean, seriously, why couldn't they just pretend that the whole "Erica loses her damn fool mind and dumps Jack for Jeff Freaking Martin, even though Jeff sucks and she never liked him even when she was married to him and who would choose him over Jack, and don't tell me that it's normal for her to be obligated to love him because of their newfound formally aborted son" story never happened. I would have totally been okay with them never mentioning it again. Would anybody care? Would anybody care if Jeff was never to be seen in Pine Valley again? Seriously. He is completely useless and I am sort of freaked out by John James now after his multiple media appearances during the nation's period of mourning for Anna Nicole Smith. They were, like, friends. How weird is that? It does not compute!

Um, I guess my point is that the entire breakup story should have been swept under a rug and never mentioned again. The "zany" "hijinks" are only prolonging a story that is marginally less painful than getting one's wisdom teeth out.

Can we talk about Di for a second? Okay. Kelli Giddish seems like a really nice person (I'm basing this on nothing, just roll with it), but...what is Di's purpose? I know she had a pretty good storyline when she was masquerading as Dixie and I do love someone willing to call Jonathan a thug, but I can't make myself care. It seems like all she does is act as a soundboard for Annie and since Annie is the soap opera equivalent of plain toast, I never keep my eyes open long enough to register whether or not she is doing or saying something of interest. I'm guessing she's not. Her secondary role seems to be Ava's #1 (out of 1 ) supporter. Since, you know, she can relate to being the sleazy sister of a beloved heroine. Not that Ava doesn't need all the support she can get, but..whatever, you know? Why is it that Dixie gets killed off and we're stuck with Di? In what world is that fair?

The most puzzling aspect of today's episode is the Greenlee/Ryan/Annie triangle. Why are they even forcing this? This is not an organic love triangle! This is "You know, our studly male star of the show really needs to be in a romance and since Kendall and Zach are so perfect together and the internet would probably cannibalize us if we broke them up and put Ryan and Kendall back together, we're going to need to find a love interest for him. But the love interest can't be too smart of too independent, because then she'd have, like, a problem with Ryan's belief that he's always right and she probably wouldn't like his violent streak. And then to create some angst, we'll bring back Greenlee, even though they didn't work together the first time. To fix that, we'll get rid of all of the qualities that made Greenlee Greenlee. Who will he chose?!?!?! I can smell a huge ratings spike!"

Can't there be a character who sees Ryan for the jackass that he is? When Greenlee left town, she had changed her name back to DuPres in a big "Screw you, loser!" gesture. And now she's been mooning over him for years? What the hell? Why would she do that? Sorry, but if I were Greenlee, the game would be over right about the time that he faked his death in the same exact way that my first husband died. Or maybe when he tried to punch me because I was pregnant. Either or, you know? Oh, Greenlee. Why, why, why is she still pining for him? I can see going crazy and never recovering after losing Leo, but losing Ryan? That's cause for celebration! Unless she's only mad that Annie has him now because it implies that she is less than the cardboard cutout of a person with huge lips. I guess I could see where she's coming from on that front.


Count Chocula...Franken Berry...


That's all I got. Hee.

Hell even good old Tony The Tiger could have done better.

And as usual... you have brought laughter to my day, and shame to my heart, you know for actually watching these dumbass shows lmfao ;)

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