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« Days Week In Review: Surprisingly Good Soap! | Main | Totally Confused »

May 12, 2007

General Hospital Week in Review

So, Days is getting really good, which is great as far as being a viewer, but from the perspective of being a hypercritical blogger it's a real bummer.  Thank god GH did not disappoint and continued to, for the most part, suck.   


When I first started watching GH, I thought Sonny was an interesting character, and I thought Maurice Benard was one of the better actors in daytime.  (I also thought that shortalls were cute, but I think that was an anomaly and overall my judgment was sound.)  But lately--by which I mean pretty much this century--it's like he's on auto-pilot, rarely showing that old appeal, and he has tons of weird tics.  I would get into a rut too, if I had to recite this dreck on a daily basis.  Anyway, one such tic is that he over-enunciates and does these dramatic facial movements when Sonny is in Serious Mobster mode.  Here he is explaining that Jason has to kill Alcazar NOW:


and here he is talking about Alcazar's huge...EGO:


It's sort of Joker-esque.  If he could just embrace that vibe and kick the campiness up a few notches, I could totally become a fan again.  Can you imagine the hilarity of Sonny running around town spouting comic catchphrases?  "You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight, Jason?"  "Port Charles needs an enema!"


For the first time in a long time that didn't involve his interactions with Alexis, I did enjoy Sonny.  In his scenes with Kate, who was my highlight of the week.  She's awesome, so far. 


Carly wins worst dressed of the week.  Again. 

This Missoni-meets-Contempo-Casuals print dress was awful, but I was distracted by her fabulous new haircut.


By the end of the week I was over the cute hair because this kind of ugly cannot be trumped:


I...why?  Why?  And from this angle it's clear that the outfit actually veers very close to dress-over-pants territory:


which is nothing new on this show:


(Screencap of  courtesy of Clarissa)

...but that does not make it any less hideous than it has been on every single woman who has ever exercised poor judgment and worn it. Unless you have lost a bet, one with exceedingly high stakes, and there was no alternate settlement option of running naked through the streets, it is not okay to wear a dress over pants. 

I know this is incredibly random, but while we're talking about ugly stuff associated with Carly (and really, when aren't we?), please note that her throw pillow clashes with her couch something fierce:


Browns are tricky.  That is your complex design tip for the day.


Carly also wins this week's CallingKettleBlack contest for her anti-Jerry rants to Jax and Lady Jane.  Since I have decided that Craig is not Jerry (denial is the new black), I'll ignore the fact that most of the substance of what she says is true and just focus on the unaddressed irony of Carly saying it.

I think he’s selfish.

Well, since it's a character trait with which you are intimately familiar, I guess I'll trust you on that.

He doesn’t have a problem yanking you out of your own life when there’s something wrong with his.

Uh, like you always do to Jason, Sonny, Jax, and pretty much everyone else you've ever known?  "Barging in on personal and possibly very important conversations in order to address my personal 'crisis' no matter how trivial" should be listed as a skill on your résumé.

What about the people he's involved with?  What if they're violent and they find out he has a family?

You were married (FOUR times) and have two kids with a man who routinely orders people killed.  You married yet another mobster who executes people while having a scotch.  Your best friend KILLS PEOPLE FOR MONEY.  But your 17th husband's rogue brother is the one who's going to endanger your kids?

Epiphany was the CallingKettleBlack contest's runner-up, thanks to her parenting lecture to Lucky.


Your kid works for mobsters and he literally becomes a completely different person every few months.  Nurse, heal thyself.


Damn those manipulative soap gurus and their f'ing cute babies.


I suppose it's appropriate that the baby looks to be about four months old already, because it did seem like Liz was pregnant for over a year.  Regardless, both Jason and Lucky were adorable with the plot device baby:



....and despite myself I'm getting drawn into this story.

On the one hand, I actually think Jason and Liz would be a really interesting story, if he tried to leave the mob for her and his child. (Yes, I know the powers-that-be would never let him leave the mob.)  On the other hand, Lucky and Liz have a great history and if the writers could actually tap into that, I could get on board with them staying together, especially Cop Lucky battling Hitman Jason over Jason’s biological kid that Lucky is raising. Good soapy stuff. But on the other other hand, the way the writers are playing this, with Liz and Jason lying to Lucky while making goo-goo eyes at each other every chance they get, I kind of want Lucky to just grab the kid and go all Brenda Walsh on their asses: “I hate you both. Never talk to me again.”


Lulu's hair.  It makes me sad.  What are they doing to her?  They were having trouble a while ago dealing with Laura Wright's naturally curly hair, and they seem to be determined to turn Lulu into Carly version 2.0 (younger and blonder!), so maybe this is intentional, but man, it is not of the pretty:


Is it straightened?  Is it curly?  Is it pinned back, or not?  So many questions.  Less questionable is how totally cute her handbag is:


I need for big hardware to stay in style forever.


It was a fairly predictable fashion week on GH.

Skye looked trashy and dated:


Tracy looked frumpy:


I'm confused too, Ms. Q.

And Spinelli looked weird:


Even weirder than normal, I mean.  What is that on his shirt?  Anime?  Or flowers?  Oh god, did Lucas' floral shirt spawn?  The horror.



Welcome back, Fivehead!  We've missed you.  Seriously. Don't ever leave again.  Bad things happen.

And while you're dropping all that knowledge on Sam about how she needs to leave Jason, would you also please talk to her about this shirt?


It might have ruined my weekend. 

Actually, let me try.  I'll try to put this in a way Sam will understand.  Sam, your top is




I made this comment on one of your Days posts, but not only do the writers seem to think viewers have forgotton what happened 10 years ago, they seem to think we cannot remember two days earlier. Did anyone notice how Lucky was adamant that their child stay at the hospital because Liz might wake-up and think that she miscarried? It might have made sense (although it still seemed silly IMO) except for the fact that she already held the baby just a day earlier. She knew he survived! These writers suck.

I really LIKE Carly and Tracy's wardrobe!

I also like Carly's naturally curly hair. I'd give my perky boobies for a head of hair like that.

Snap on the Carly being the pot in a pot, kettle, black scenario this week. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was choking on my tea when she started spouting on.

And not only did that outfit almost hit dress-over-jeans, the pattern on the top was also in a place that made her hips look unnecessarily wide.

I was hoping you would mention the black one-shoulder ensemble (fashion disaster) Skye was wearing! Robin Christopher looked terrible and uncomfortable wearing it.

As for the Liz/Lucky/Jason storyline, I just want Robin to step in and STOP THE LYING!!!!! I hate these "SECRETS THAT EVERYONE EXCEPT THE ONE PERSON BEING LIED TO KNOWS" and I just want the story to move forward in a way where Lucky isn't such a dimwit, I really think it can be done. Especially if AWESOME WRITER gets a chance to look everyone else in the supply room and take control of the day-to-day dialogue. Oh well, a girl can dream.

Sonny's annunciation and pronounciation is SO Joker from Batman #1. Excellent realization! Since TIIC are already doing pathetic copies of The Departed and The Devil Wears Prada, why not let MB become the new Christian Slater. The whole lame Jack Nicholson impersonation as career shtick. And not only does PC need an enema, but Jason needs one REAL BAD.

Maybe if his colon is cleansed he'll find his personality and love of truth and freedom. Carly obviously shoved something way up in there during their no name sex days. And it has been poisoning him to near toxic levels ever since. It's removal may save Borgboy's life and make him the Jason Morgan we loved pre Carly infestation, but I doubt it. Her years of influence ruined him.

This post JB new Carly they write for LW has me near drooling in the corner swatting away at imaginary sprites. She is so far beyond hypocrite it terrifies me. Do any GH viewers buy this crap they are shoveling down our throats? IMO let Carzilla be Carzilla. She clearly married the wrong Jax brother :-) That is easily remedied. Hell, I'll pay for the Carly Jerry wedding extravaganza She can wear a black see through gown. Faison can be best man!!!!!!!!

They can become the true EVIL rulers of hell from upstate NY. Sonny can get all jealous like he did when she left him for Lorenzo. Maybe he'll even shoot her again. Ahhh, good times. And maybe Jax can find his balls and his brains, wishful thinking. She ruined him.

The sadness of her wardrobe makes me smile. Like she deserves bras, RL, or Marc Jacobs. Let her rot in trampville ugliness where she belongs.

Congrats on the new SOD gig. I hope they let you write all the bitchy goodness. Can't wait to read it!

OMG! I forgot. Can the awesome writer try and save Lucky from the drooling idiot they are turning him into. He is too cute and his history too wonderful to make him King of Dufus. Why must he be so blind and clueless? HE IS NOT A MORON!!!!!! Stop turning him into one, please. Liz practically strips naked and gives Qaurterbrain a lap dance whenever he shows up, even if she is coming out of a coma!!!!!!!

Pip had potential, so they ruined her too. Why isn't she a little suspicious knowing everything about Liz's baby daddy drama?

Sam's latest silk halter???? Hello nipples! Someone that busty can't wear that top. And it's backless too. Very classy for a work event or daytime wear. She's a shameless ho. But, Robin could pull that off for a night at a club or something.

I might miss temporary Amelia. ICK!!!! Her bug eyes and allover creepiness added a touch of horror to GH. She even slopped it up w/ Sonny in lieu of his late arriving dial-a-whore. She was a trooper.

Sonny's only decent moments are w/ Alexis. Sad considering he is considered GH's finest.

MORE SCRUBS!!!!!! I need Patrick like oxygen, ok, more like chocolate and Chritian Laboutins. And give Robin her brain and strength back. TIIC are killin' me w/ her character's assasination. She's the research pathologist and Patty who hates the lab created the counteragent? WTF? He hasn't even been in a lab since college. Except for doing Robin, my happy place.

Sort of off-topic, but I'm starting to wonder if GH is turning into mid-90s Days. I don't know how many times Nicholas has had to repeat that he wants to exploit the fact that Craig has a loved one. I kept thinking, "Oh God, has Guza merged with Reiley to form an evil new entity?!"

Evil But Twinless...I hate to disagree with you...BUT...there are cases where a dress over pants can look fabulous. Not on GH, obviously...all their attempts have ended in disaster, but in real life, there are some women (myself included) who can rock the look! But the proportions have to be "just right."

Forget about Julie Marie Berman's hair...can we talk about her EYEBROWS! They are too thin, too short, and look like sideways commas...horrible. She's still young, hopefully her eyebrow hair can grow back...the makeup department needs to fix it now...but then again, maybe they are too busy trying to cover up Robin Christopher's undereye circles...

Love and apples! Snow White.

Nope, dresses over pants are always, always wrong. I'm totally with Evil but Twinless on this. So are the Fug Girls!

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